How Do You Feel Since CTB Is No Longer Your "Obsession"??

[timechained]

For me, I am angry/disappointed that I couldn't find a method that worked when I had the strong feeling of wanting to end my life.

Now days my ideations aren't as strong and I am forced to continue to live in this world just wanting to die.

I find it depressing.

 

[Someplace_nice]

I had my method and attempted but I didn't realize how late/early it was, my bf at the time saw the good bye text and called the cops. It was difficult to adjust at first but, with him by my side it got better, I still think about it and when things get tough I still feel a bit of the ideation. You tend to either hate or love the person who called the cops on you, I was so angry, all I wanted to do was find peace and he wouldn't let me find that peace. I did what I could only think of at that time and moved in with him and purpose to him. "If I were stuck here he'll be stuck with me." Is what I'd tell him and myself all the time and he would always say good. I am happier than ever now and I couldn't be grateful to be alive.

 

[seizmic_purple]

I find that I get in and out of this state of mind. Times when I'm not obsessed by these thoughts are shorter, and definitely possess the highest degree of escapism and hedonism because I know I am bound to return to thinking nonstop about CTB sooner or later. So, depending on my circumstances and the state of my body, in these phases I am thinking along the lines of ''why not just try to make yourself as comfortable as possible, while you can''. Another voice usually pops up and says that I could use this phase for education about CTB too, because in my low moods where I can't think of anything else but CTB, I may be a little less calm, distant, and strategic when devising a plan. Like OP mentioned, usually when I realize that the method I am researching won't work or would be difficult for me to carry out, I tend to get very angry and disappointed.