How do you feel looking back on memories that weren't so bad?

[BlackNugget]

How do you guys feel when you take a look at old memories, such as looking at old videos from creators you enjoyed or hobbies you used to like during childhood? For me, I spent a large part of my childhood by coping, essentially separating the online world and real world in my head.

In particular, I fancied roleplaying apps like Amino, art communities and the likes despite the very obvious inclinations behind such a thing at like... 9-10? Because of that, I get a very weird feeling when I look back on old content from that era, the best I can describe it is bittersweet? Maybe enduring as well.

 

[LastNite]

Pretty much all of my childhood & teenage memories that I can still remember are terrible except one where someone randomly told me that they love my hair. I like the fact that my own brain helps me out. Graphic or terrible memories become vague and hard to picture while a good memory is easy to remember and visualize for me.

 

[iguazo falls]

oh hey i used to go on amino too. wattpad, pony town, google plus, miiverse etc etc. i kind of miss it but idk there's no going back. its hard too cause alot of it was just coping for me too so i'm not really sure how to process it all to this day especially when you add going through things kids shouldn't on the internet.

 

[Lamentice]

I love my positive memories from childhood, feels better to remember those than the other stuff. The older I get the less I remember in general (and I'm not even old), I used to (and still really am) be obsessed with having a record and never forgetting any of the shit that happened.. but bad news, I forgot anyway.. and I don't have a record for a good portion of years. For the stuff I do have a record for, it's kind of horrifying that I can revisit passages from just 2 years ago and have zero recollection of the event to the emotions in it. Spooky. I could decide I'm gonna start lying absurdly in passages and the me 5 years from now would probably be none the wiser and just be like "That's fucking crazy that happened. Crazy."

There are things I know happened.. but can't remember anymore. I just know it happened, that's it. For me, remembering means I can pull up the image.. or the movie.. and if I can't then I've forgotten, so now I just have the information of what happened.. if even that, maybe I just have the record.

I like the good memories I can pull up, there were ways I found peace alone and there were times with my mother that were genuinely sweet that I'd like to not forget. I'm estranged and have my parents blocked, if they call their voicemails will still be logged on my phone, and there was one year I was sincerely becoming distressed about forgetting my mother's voice, it felt too soon, and then she left a voicemail so I saved it to my email and now it's part of my record. I don't really villainize either of my parents anymore, they were horrific parents, maybe even horrific people.. but I'd really just rather not always remember it that way.

 

[Canto XIII]

I mourn the feelings of hope I used to harbour, but mostly I see the signs of what was going to be of me eventually. I've always been the same person, the same way the Spirit has always been the same.

 

[cptsdfugue]

Strange, foreign and insecure

Bad things happened to me. But they couldn't have been *so* bad if I remember good things happening, right?

That's exactly how I feel about my dad: I can't remember the countless atrocities he's done to me but I can remember him giving me toys and picking berries with me… it terrifies me