I can't help it. I have traumatic memories and feel densititized and need to be out of the room with the rape-shaming bully that likes Jesus, women in submssion, lazy subs, women who roll over like dogs and say ok to master and feel disgusted. Self harm to me is DRINKING. I drink to be away from my unwanted company. My pressuring, coercive, fascist bully invisible man friend who doesn't want me to think that anything has ever happened to me. IT wants everything to smell like roses. For her friends to be "nice people". For me to stop accusing her husband of being a sex offender. Self harm to me, is a way to leave the abuser that lives in a black and white television set - honor culture. Women who stand by their man. People who are much too traditional and interested in male entitlement and respect from women and children - for "what they have"? .
I've never been into cutting. I've damaged my own television (threw my hamper at it while drinking) and other personal property (pictures, nick-nacks) feeling stuck in my room drinking after bullying. My bullying is "imagined" also. Nothing - I mean NOTHING has ever happened to me. Nobody's ever put a hand on me. Nobody's ever hit me. That's why I get to go to a psych ward. I apparently "did all of this to myself".
I don't generally harm myself - really. I don't generally "Kill MYSELF" either. Unless it's a sensation of "I'm not the person doing this". I don't generally have any interest in hurting myself. I don't want to hurt others. When I go into a trance - I'm not even there. It's lke hypnosis and being someone else. More than 1. It's horrible. I'm currently in that state. It's the longest time I've ever felt this way.
I believe in honor killing and bad energy and spreading yourself into others and influencing their behaviors. I believe that generations of values from families can pass down onto others and that suicide is generally not an accident. Neither is self-harm. Truly. I'm crazy. I have very different values from the norm.
I've got my reasons.