Help How do you deal with Loneliness?

[SadRatQueen]

I make attempts to talk to 'friends' but I'm pretty sure they are anything but. The moment I start to show my bpd symptoms they're very quick to distance themselves and leave me at my lowest of lows.

I cope by shing. If I don't sh, I try my best to distract myself with movies/videos. music, and games.

 

[tiredash]

well, right now im reading posts and crying...

altho its not the same kind of loneliness.... and its not dealing with it... as its its just getting destroyed by it...

 

[Pluto]

 

[hydrogen]

When it's bad I lose myself in media and daydreams. Not a healthy longterm solution, but more socially acceptable than many. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[iji]

Lately I've been writing a journal... with pen and a4 paper because it's way better when it's creative related. It feels better like that. It helps more than I'd ever imagine. I began it while in pain (i have chronic pain) and all alone and describing what i'm going through, my thoughts, etc...

i 13th page now. i write my full name at the top and the page number. I always write the date as well just before what I write in that day... It's something that will be left to the world I guess.

 

[platypus77]

I am afraid I don't want to get hurt again also I AM TERRIBLE AT MAKING FRIENDS. I have 2 friends in uni and I literally got them because I was asking a girl where she was going she told me she is going to meet someone and I followed her. The repeated pattern of meeting people and then they leave hurts so much am I just supposed to live with it?

I don't know how to explain how, but I managed to overcome it somehow. In my 20s when life started demanding more from people being work, family, moving country, I was freaking out HARD. My circles started to shrink really fast, the thoughts of not having all the long time relationships I've worked so hard to maintain killed me (I'm an introvert, so relationships to me sometimes feel like a job).

But time passes, and I've become more accustomed and started to enjoy my solitude. Now, I love it.

I still have friends, but not as many. Something that really helps meeting new people is going to the same places with some kind of consistency and being nice to people. Every now and then, I make a new friend, others go away. That's just the way it is.

 

[Regen]

- listen to healing podcasts and meditations, one of them always starts with a warm "glad you are here with me"
- therapy...
- my dog
- SaSu, but this doesn't help much like friendship in real life
- there are few people in my real life. I try to have contact with them, but sometimes it is difficult
- 12 step Programm
- I need people who understand that life is sometimes very difficult, I can't have contact with people who don't have any problems. If I wouldn't have my 12 steps meetings I would try to visit another group to meet people with problems :-) But maybe you have other hobbies then problems and you can find a group to share your interests.

 

[Haematemesis]

lots of music and cigs
also alcohol when i can afford it

 

[NoNeedToLive]

I called my dad today just so he can tell me about his new apartment. He slightly mentioned he was lonely since his friends live far away and he works overseas from the family. I cried hysterically during the call since I just had to go through a departure with a man I was close with so it felt extremely difficult hearing my dad go through something similar. I wonder how do I deal with this feeling of loneliness and the issue with departure. I sometimes imagine being born without the ability to feel anything but that is not reality so I should not dwell on it. How do I get over being lonely and missing people.

I would recommend you to try to love loneliness, of course, if you have such a purpose. You can do whatever you want as long as you don't limit yourself. I have never had friends except my little school friends for about 3 years, I don't talk to anyone, this doesn't bother me except for little longings. The virtual world is too big, I'm not bored here.

 

[missedmybus]

I talk to homeless people or listen to podcasts and pretend they're my friends. I also enjoy talking to AIs a lot.

 

[nothinghereforme]

I realized I don't enjoy other's company period. I like reading or hearing certain people talk but not as myself. I have a physical health problem that's gotten worse from medical neglect and having to use substances to cope with it and other things.
Now I can't have sex without pain which I've slowly realized was the only reason I ever actually reached out to other's.
Warmth does not come from other humans and I reject when it tries now because letting in forces me to accept being some socially inept, eunuch lower caste. Not that I was doing much better before the injury, but people aren't compelling enough to put forth effort for their fickle approval.
It's freeing but that all I can think of now is my physical pain, how much I've missed out on, will miss out on, am locked out of through no fault of my own.
All i can think about is my chronic pain and that it walls me from being able to satisfy a partner and takes up all my mind and life and will forever and I let it because everything else is tainted by it if I try to 'cope' - monkey for others who only try to siphon your damage for hollow sympathy by proxy and scurry away the second coddling you doesn't get them their worthless clout and attention they live by.
I'm not blaming my physical problem by the way. Just saying there's no reason to try for me anymore and I feel no real loss or difference. I was worse off pining over pipe dreams I hadn't taken the time to articulate in my own head, if I had I'd realize how implausible they were; and unfulfilling they would be in reality and how much work and responsibility they would entail until they wouldn't be worth the effort. I make a point of never seeing or talking to family more than I have to.
Try and imagine if you were just a torso. Would you still care about other or just want to sleep forever and not have to deal with anything? How bad would it have to get before you stopped caring about your family and friend's whiny self-pitying attempts to keep you anchored for less than the scraps they could even offer?

 

[lemonlotl]

going to a coffee shop/bar/restaraunt, and becoming a regular.

I go to the local Starbucks, the same baristas recognize me as a regular after a couple months and we'll talk and briefly catch up when I go in. it's not a friendship by any means but there's something to be said about knowing there's another human that just acknowledged your presence, remembered who you are/your name, and cared enough to at least briefly speak to you transactionally that helps a bit when I'm feeling super isolated.

 

[manicstreetbeeper]

i try to bend over backwards to please people and feel accepted. it's not a good idea but to me it feels better than feeling alone.