Help How do you bring yourself to do stuff?

[Nitlott]

Genuinely. Right now I'm really fucked in terms of school work, I have 3 (if we count this week, but I'll attend 2-3 lessons at BEST if there'll be some test I could easily do) weeks left for me to speedrun this 11 weeks term. Plus there's this training-exam I missed last week which they'll make me do at some point. But I can't bring myself to do anything really.
I can't get all these thoughts out of my head, I'm probably acting like a dick to others too. And I easily get pissed lately, still angry that my nosebleed didn't last today. Couple of days ago I got really angry that my scars still hadn't healed (it's been 1+ month already), so I wanted to slit every body part of mine. That would be nice, but I really can't afford doing that one, especially now.

I don't know what I'm going to do now, maybe I'll try to give myself a nosebleed in an hour. I've already had like, what, 6 if not more for the last 2-3 weeks. One time it was longer than usual that I started to pass out and hallucinate or something. That was nice, there was a ringing in my ears also, though it got quieter with time.
Guess I'll try to cram chemistry for that big test I missed, that would be something better education-wise than getting nosebleeds at least.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm struggling too- to be honest. Not school but, work and domestic chores.

Does the prospect of failure worry you? That tended to motivate me. I find if I contemplate that the consequences will be worse- companies will be angry if I miss a deadline or do a bad job. I may lose future jobs. Parents will be angry if I can't support myself. Sometimes- it's just going for the lesser of the evils I think.

 

[death over slavery]

I'm in college right now, and it's only few weeks until midterm exams and I haven't studied shit. I feel like schoolwork is a lot of burden especially that I'm used to self-paced learning and not this school deadline stuff. For me when there's a huge task like a major exam, I need to be in a state where I don't feel forced like wanting to study because I genuinely want to learn and feed my brain, and to feel accomplished in the little milestones. Also, try to do things one at a time everyday instead of cramming and overloading info on a single day, because in the latter situation, the brain (mine at least) tries to avoid the heavy stuff, so it tends to avoid. Split info in chunks.

I'm probably acting like a dick to others too. And I easily get pissed lately,

I feel it too; I'm also quite a dick and that's why I can't find my circle of friends, either because my intimidating demeanor the first day of classes (although I was just being polite and professional ) and that reputation is carried all the way until I drop out after this semester, or that I'm just unlucky and got locked out of friend circles that quick. Because of that, I get pissed by every social interaction because "they're not my friends" or that I feel like they're traitors or something. I can't get along in college, even though they say college is the time where you grow connections.