after my most recent (idk like 4 years ago?) attempt, I heard a lot of "if you had really wanted to kill yourself you'd be dead right now" like what, now I'm getting invalidated and not taken seriously but rather as an inconvenience? I didn't try hard enough? awesome. I did 'really want to kill myself'. SI kicked in for whatever reason (I hadn't had any SI with an attempt in longer than I can remember) and I called an ambulance. the drs treated me like garbage and gave me staples despite my telling them I would have an allergic reaction. spoiler: I did indeed have an allergic reaction. getting the staples removed hurt. when I say something hurts, it really hurts. my pain tolerance is high.