Help How do people learn to not care what others say or do?

[Neptunezz]

This is something I struggle with a lot and I feel like a lot of my problems would just be fixed if I was able to coexist with people

I was quite naive about other people and how much of assholes they can be. I do come from a family with siblings who have overachieved and are narcissistic in nature and they would constantly belittle me. Call me stupid, have me at the butt end of a joke, or even just refuse to talk to me at all sometimes(this one in particular hurts me the most). This shitty household situation led me to apply for a school outside of where I live so I could get away from them, but unfortunately I met bad people at that school. The constant being ignored by people really got to me, I really put myself out there a lot and I was bullied for being open about what I like to do (which I was studying psychology at the time) but people just called me a burger flipper and a dumb arts kid. That sort of harassment led me into changing into a major that gets me paid and a job. So not only did I do what people told me to do (be open and an honest person in order to get friends) I only got one friend at my entire time there but he ended up sexually assaulting a girl so I was kind of forced to leave him. Anyways I transferred back home to a university in hopes that it was just the people there who were bad forcing me to live with my parents since I have no money. So I had high hopes going to another school, and firstly I noticed my social ambition dropped greatly and of course trauma led me into not talking to any new people, but in one of my classes these two business students keep throwing paper at the back of my head waiting for me to notice. I always hear people say "don't give a shit about what other people say about you, know your worth!" But how the fuck can I "know my worth" when I'm struggling with grades, my family says I'm a failure, I'm getting bullied in fucking university, and I don't see any fucking future for myself.

So yes what made you not care what other people say or do to you whether it's family, friends, or even people online?

 

[Life_and_Death]

1) get really pissed off and just give everyone (not what id advise, but you did ask "what made you..")
2) read a whole bunch of quotes about it (example attached)

 

[Silent Raindrops]

I used to be the same way. It finally got to the point where I no longer cared. Say what you wanna say or do, no sweat off my nutsack. Since then, I no longer cared.

 

[SexyIncél]

Yowza! Ideally, you should dump your family asap. If you can't do it soon, plan your sweet, sweet vengeance. Take what you can from them — these 'people' are worth nothing. Imagine them like weird-ass cultists you stumbled upon. After all, that's what they are

I'm surprised that a university would have students throwing paper at you, like schoolkids in a bad tv show. (Though naturally, they're businesspeople.) You can pointedly ask the prof: "What kind of university is this, where students act like particularly unintelligent schoolkids?"

HPMoR could give you ideas

So yes what made you not care what other people say or do to you whether it's family, friends, or even people online?

• Speaking to people I randomly encounter; asking about them & talking about things from my life that sounds relevant to them
• Study & practice philosophy, so I know how reality is basically structured. (I can expand on this.) Morality, so I know how to treat people. (Spoiler: help decent people accomplish goals, and remove their obstacles.) Once you can meet sufficiently high standards, you can see that most others don't. <shrug>
• Anyone acts dumb. So sometimes I act dumb too. <shrug> At least I have enough morality to try preempting errors; and if I err, I work to fix them
• Understand the Art of the Bad Guy. As long as you stick to your Code, you can be an anti-hero. Find an audience amused by your depravities
• Think of yourself like a company. Employees come & go. You can persue fantasies with them — but be surprised if they're actually good teammates
• Avoid shitheads

 

[mortuarymary]

I still care, that's my problem.