Help How do I stop being emotionally dependent on others?

[YourLocalSadGirly]

I've always been this way where I rely on one person heavily for emotional regulation and comfort. Lately both the people I've relied on are gone from my life. My girlfriend took her life and my ex blocked me. I feel so lost without someone to keep me sane. Not to mention the grief I feel from losing my girlfriend.

I think I feel this way because I'm somehow empty or broken inside and I need another person to fill the hole in my heart. I'm pretty sure I have bpd which would explain why I feel this way but that doesn't help me fix it.

I feel like the only way to feel better is to latch onto someone else like I latched on to my girlfriend and my ex. Anyone who feels or has felt this way I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank you for reading hope your day is going well <3.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry for your losses. I don't think I'm borderline but, I do tend to latch onto people- the same. I suppose what eventually stopped me is experiencing what you are now- loss. In my case, because my best friend moved away and our lives and priorities took different directions. We barely communicate at all now- maybe once a year, a few flurry of texts.

But, I suppose the hurt at the time felt so bad. Like being cut adrift. I realised I hated that feeling. I hated being so dependent too. I kind of told myself I would have to try to become more self sufficient.

I suppose also, I tackled the problems I needed the most support for. For me- that was limerence- obsessive crushes on guys. My friend would listen so patiently as I said the same old thing over and over.

I think also- the times they made me feel better were like dopamine hits- which just made me want more and more. But of course- that isn't sustainable. It rarely fixed the underlying problem too- ultimately, only I could do that.

So- that's something else I think. To acknowledge maybe they are really just slapping bandaids on top of our problems.

For me- I tackled my limerent obsessions by stopping myself fantasizing about people. Eventually- that calmed me down.

Plus, I suppose- finding other outlets to vent. Here is such a support to just get certain things out.

Initially, it truly was horrible. I think the isolation is amplified when we have previously relied so heavily on others. I can truthfully say I am ok now though- regarding not needing others so much anyway. To the extent, I don't even go looking for that intensity of dependence now. But then- it's maybe took 5, 10 years for things to start to properly calm down. It wasn't particularly quick or easy.

 

[alstroemeria55]

I just don't understand what's so horrible about having a person who's important to you and not wanting to lose them, and to want to receive that same sentiment back. People grieve partners they've lost, is it not acceptable to grieve good friends too? Especially when they're so difficult to find? At least for me. I find it insanely hard to connect to others and then the one time I feel comfortable with someone it seems like the universe deliberately ripped it away from me as painfully as possible so that I continue suffering alone, unloved, and misunderstood.