how do I process / cope with a failed suicide attempt

[perlucidum]

mental health has been massively declining over the past month. I took a fuckton of venlafaxine last night in a hysteric state to try end my life but last minute I changed my mind and called my parents who took me to hospital. I got bad serotonin syndrome and was paralysed for a while. im fine now but they are keeping me here to monitor my heart and stuff

how the fuck do I process this. multiple friends saw me crying and wailing and they are probably embarrassed by me. I have barely any friends I don't want to lose more of them. and I know my uni degree is as good as over, cuz my uni suspends anyone with suicidal intent for some fucking reason

I don't know how to process it all. im still in shock. I can still feel the adrenaline. I've not been able to sleep or relax. I've been praying to god, just in case there is one out there. I want to live. I want to get better. even if the only people supporting me are my family.

I can't stop thinking of the ending scene in requiem for a dream where that ginger lady is admitted to a hospital against her will while she's delusional. That's how I feel right now. that film gave me nightmares and it feels like a reality. How the fuck do I calm myself down. I think I'm developing a fear of hospitals

 

[LittleJem]

won't they give you a benzo or two for now? I'm so sorry for your suffering. I hope something/anything brings you comfort

 

[nwuibe]

I don't EXACTLY know how to cope...it's so different for everyone. Personally, it took some time and during that time I've found a lot of distractions and I gave a second chance to things I used to like, and eventually the thought of failing it wouldn't trigger me anymore.

If your friends are embarrassed then I don't think they're real friends. I had people in my life that didn't even try to understand my suffering, they would invalidate my feelings, so for my peace they're just not in my life anymore, and with some sort of miracle better people came to me (my bestfriends today).

I'm so happy that you still want to live and I relate with the God part... I know it's though but I promise you : you'll be okay

I didn't watch this movie tho, should I ??

Sorry if I talk a lot about myself too, it's just a message to give you hope, to show you that recovery IS possible.

 

[western_heart]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Do you have any idea how long you'll be in the hospital for?

It takes time… a lot of time. I am 17 days post failed attempt and am far from feeling okay. At first I was really pissed off for having survived, then upset for being hospitalized, and finally accepted that it was the right thing to stop me from attempting again right away. I am full of regret.

Talk to whoever is safe to talk to (I told one close friend before going to the hospital). tell your family you want to live and need their support. I didn't do that until after I got out of the hospital, but I ended up moving back in with my parents as a result of my attempt. There are some friends I haven't told about my attempt, and probably won't for a while if ever.
Writing helped a ton for me when I was in the hospital. They took away my phone charger in the ER and I wasn't allowed to have my phone at all once I was transferred to the psych ward, but they gave me a notebook. I was there for three and a half days and wrote 60 pages about my experience, how I felt, why I did it, what was happening in the hospital, what I was worried about, etc.

Try not to worry immediately about your other responsibilities. There may be consequences to your attempt but there's probably nothing you can do about it right now.

 

[perlucidum]

I don't EXACTLY know how to cope...it's so different for everyone. Personally, it took some time and during that time I've found a lot of distractions and I gave a second chance to things I used to like, and eventually the thought of failing it wouldn't trigger me anymore.

If your friends are embarrassed then I don't think they're real friends. I had people in my life that didn't even try to understand my suffering, they would invalidate my feelings, so for my peace they're just not in my life anymore, and with some sort of miracle better people came to me (my bestfriends today).

I'm so happy that you still want to live and I relate with the God part... I know it's though but I promise you : you'll be okay

I didn't watch this movie tho, should I ??

Sorry if I talk a lot about myself too, it's just a message to give you hope, to show you that recovery IS possible.

it does give me a lot of hope to know recovery is possible. I really hope a miracle can happen to me and I can find people who understand.

the movie is brilliant but very very traumatising, it definitely traumatised me, don't watch it if you are sensitive to depiction of hospitals or drug abuse :(

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Do you have any idea how long you'll be in the hospital for?

It takes time… a lot of time. I am 17 days post failed attempt and am far from feeling okay. At first I was really pissed off for having survived, then upset for being hospitalized, and finally accepted that it was the right thing to stop me from attempting again right away. I am full of regret.

Talk to whoever is safe to talk to (I told one close friend before going to the hospital). tell your family you want to live and need their support. I didn't do that until after I got out of the hospital, but I ended up moving back in with my parents as a result of my attempt. There are some friends I haven't told about my attempt, and probably won't for a while if ever.
Writing helped a ton for me when I was in the hospital. They took away my phone charger in the ER and I wasn't allowed to have my phone at all once I was transferred to the psych ward, but they gave me a notebook. I was there for three and a half days and wrote 60 pages about my experience, how I felt, why I did it, what was happening in the hospital, what I was worried about, etc.

Try not to worry immediately about your other responsibilities. There may be consequences to your attempt but there's probably nothing you can do about it right now.

that's exactly how I felt afterwards. they have just discharged me and im staying with my family and will have psych people visit me every day. it doesn't feel real, it feels like a dream. I want to cry but im still just so in shock

I wish I could have told absolutely nobody but unfortunately several friends witnessed me immediately after the attempt , in my stupidity I told them what id done. im so scared of rumours getting around.

the writing sounds very cathartic. I did a similar thing, I had my laptop with me so I wrote a lot of songs on my computer and listened to music. I listened to the whole of John Coltranes a love supreme on my laptop speaker right after they treated me lol

won't they give you a benzo or two for now? I'm so sorry for your suffering. I hope something/anything brings you comfort

thank u I hope so too...I am a bit scared of benzos I had bad experiences with them before