How do I convince her to stay?

[TheLastGreySky]

My situation is a lot to explain so I'm just going to dumb it down and say, the love of my life is coming to visit me and I want to convince her to stay. Basically, she's being evicted from her other EX's and originally she was going to come down and stay with me, but she then told me she's going to go stay with her uncle and I I asked her to come visit me since she's going that way anyway.
So she's going to visit me and we're talking back and forth about things, she's telling me she would love us to have like a Disney cruise honeymoon etc, so I sincerely believe that she wants to be with me, but she struggles with the last time she saw me being a bad memory. I had a nervous breakdown because I was about to go to prison and hotel hopping with an ankle monitor on. I was about to lose my kids in custody court too because my ex-wife is vindictive and sadistic.

I made a lot of improvements over the past couple of years, and I know I would never do anything to hurt her. I wasn't in my right mind when everything happened, and well she's coming to visit me. I really want to convince her to stay.

This means the world to me for real,
I know women don't like begging and neediness so I'm not sure how to do this
Because she's my whole world.
She doesn't know she's the thing stopping me from CTB. I have eaten myself and hurt myself in a lot of different ways and I'd do anything for another shot waking up to her.

Let me know advice and your thoughts,
I would sincerely ask for prayers but I don't think God likes me.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I know women don't like begging and neediness so I'm not sure how to do this

show her
actions speak louder than words

 

[Life_and_Death]

I would sincerely ask for prayers but I don't think God likes me.

id also like to add that i hope it goes well for you
(my personal belief is that everyone is their own god, so you dont have to worry about anyone not liking you )

 

[TheLastGreySky]

id also like to add that i hope it goes well for you
(my personal belief is that everyone is their own god, so you dont have to worry about anyone not liking you )

Thank you for the reply, and I appreciate the emotional support.

 

[SexyIncél]

People say "show, don't tell". But I think it should be: "show, then afterwards sometimes tell a bit"

1. Mentally, have the attitude that you'll be a great teammate & man
2. Do actions that are actually pretty unusual & impressive. Fortunately, she's probably used to a low bar
3. She may thank you, expressing how she's impressed & was never treated this way before. You can shrug: "Well... that last time we met, I don't like the way I treated you. That was a wake-up call. You do things for me like [insert example here], and that tells me you DESERVE to be treated better than other women. Just basic morality"

Of course, I don't know her. And it'd have to be adapted to words/concepts she likes

I know women don't like begging and neediness so I'm not sure how to do this

Yeah absolutely right, no need for begging/neediness. The why I phrased it, you treat her well because she DESERVES it. (With one concrete example why.) Not because you're a simp, but because you have a spine. Integrity

And gals like EARNING high-quality treatment. I agree with Casey Zander on this, it gives them a feeling of accomplishment & doing a good job

Plus, it makes sense — are you corrupted & desperate enough to treat jerks well? :P Hell no, your ex taught you what happens

 

[struggles_inc]

Frankly, I wouldn't recommend convincing anyone to love you. People might consider it as a sign of weakness and try to manipulate you.

She is your world today, sure, she might also be your end of the world tomorrow.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Frankly, I wouldn't recommend convincing anyone to love you. People might consider it as a sign of weakness and try to manipulate you.

She is your world today, sure, she might also be your end of the world tomorrow.

Without going to history I will say, we share connection like nothing either of us have ever experienced. I was the one who was facing prison time when we met. I'm at the right person at the wrong time, but I have to convince her that I am what I say am. I posted on here because it's one of the few places I feel I can be vulnerable.

People say "show, don't tell". But I think it should be: "show, then afterwards sometimes tell a bit"

1. Mentally, have the attitude that you'll be a great teammate & man
2. Do actions that are actually pretty unusual & impressive. Fortunately, she's probably used to a low bar
3. She may thank you, expressing how she's impressed & was never treated this way before. You can shrug: "Well... that last time we met, I don't like the way I treated you. That was a wake-up call. You do things for me like [insert example here], and that tells me you DESERVE to be treated better than other women. Just basic morality"

Of course, I don't know her. And it'd have to be adapted to words/concepts she likes


Yeah absolutely right, no need for begging/neediness. The why I phrased it, you treat her well because she DESERVES it. (With one concrete example why.) Not because you're a simp, but because you have a spine. Integrity

And gals like EARNING high-quality treatment. I agree with Casey Zander on this, it gives them a feeling of accomplishment & doing a good job

Plus, it makes sense — are you corrupted & desperate enough to treat jerks well? :P Hell no, your ex taught you what happens

I really appreciate the in-depth answer, one thing I value someone who articulates what they feel and what they're thinking. Your answer was thoughtful and because this person is the only person that I've ever felt that's "the one", I want to present myself the best I can. Thanks again :)

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Frankly, I wouldn't recommend convincing anyone to love you. People might consider it as a sign of weakness and try to manipulate you.

She is your world today, sure, she might also be your end of the world tomorrow.

Might.

But maybe OP just wants ( a chance at) happiness with a partner.

 

[Ambivalent1]

With a boombox outside her window.

I...just died in your arms tonight. Must've been something I said. Should've walked away...

 

[SexyIncél]

Oh, and keep in mind that once you get the girl, you're in the next phase of the game. Gotta maintain that high-quality treatment, but now you're in each other's faces all the time. Best to shield each other from your inevitable annoying parts. You get a little willpower per day as cushion — once you're out, you're liable to snap

These help:

• Not spending ALL your time together. Ideally not living together, but rather having your own places. And that's good, keeps your time together a little special. Be patient; a few hours/day together is more than you had when apart. And of course, it's fun to sleep over at each other's places. Of course, I realize this is costly af. With one place, gotta be cleverer
• Having friends you can vent all the crap to, so she doesn't have to see too much of it, at least not in its rawest form. Ideally at least two friends, so you can rotate them & not put too much weight on any

Remember, willpower is a limited resource. Like expensive matches. People use it to build the slow-burning log fire of habits — which are unconscious & don't take nearly as much energy

 

[TheLastGreySky]

People say "show, don't tell". But I think it should be: "show, then afterwards sometimes tell a bit"

1. Mentally, have the attitude that you'll be a great teammate & man
2. Do actions that are actually pretty unusual & impressive. Fortunately, she's probably used to a low bar
3. She may thank you, expressing how she's impressed & was never treated this way before. You can shrug: "Well... that last time we met, I don't like the way I treated you. That was a wake-up call. You do things for me like [insert example here], and that tells me you DESERVE to be treated better than other women. Just basic morality"

Of course, I don't know her. And it'd have to be adapted to words/concepts she likes


Yeah absolutely right, no need for begging/neediness. The why I phrased it, you treat her well because she DESERVES it. (With one concrete example why.) Not because you're a simp, but because you have a spine. Integrity

And gals like EARNING high-quality treatment. I agree with Casey Zander on this, it gives them a feeling of accomplishment & doing a good job

Plus, it makes sense — are you corrupted & desperate enough to treat jerks well? :P Hell no, your ex taught you what happens

I really appreciate the in-depth answer, one thing I value someone who articulates what they feel and what they're thinking. Your answer was thoughtful and because this person is the only person that I've ever felt that's "the one", I want to present myself the best I can. Thanks again :)

Might.

But maybe OP just wants ( a chance at) happiness with a partner.

Yeah, honestly I left someone for her.
She's been the love of my life and I kind of wish you guys could see us when we went on our first date. Ive pulled some baddies, but something about her made me weak in the knees when we first met NGL we spent most of the date laughing and giggling cuz we both couldn't stop blushing.
And I'm not the awkward blushing type.

Oh, and keep in mind that once you get the girl, you're in the next phase of the game. Gotta maintain that high-quality treatment, but now you're in each other's faces all the time. Best to shield each other from your inevitable annoying parts. You get a little willpower per day as cushion — once you're out, you're liable to snap

These help:

• Not spending ALL your time together. Ideally not living together, but rather having your own places. And that's good, keeps your time together a little special. Be patient; a few hours/day together is more than you had when apart. And of course, it's fun to sleep over at each other's places. Of course, I realize this is costly af. With one place, gotta be cleverer
• Having friends you can vent all the crap to, so she doesn't have to see too much of it, at least not in its rawest form. Ideally at least two friends, so you can rotate them & not put too much weight on any

Remember, willpower is a limited resource. Like expensive matches. People use it to build the slow-burning log fire of habits — which are unconscious & don't take nearly as much energy

We've lived together before. But I appreciate the input. :) I'm actually good at turning an argument into something romantic/intimate.

Our chemistry is still through the roof.

With a boombox outside her window.

I...just died in your arms tonight. Must've been something I said. Should've walked away...

This was funny af. Honestly, I'm thinking dinner but... That boombox idea~

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Oh, and keep in mind that once you get the girl, you're in the next phase of the game. Gotta maintain that high-quality treatment, but now you're in each other's faces all the time. Best to shield each other from your inevitable annoying parts. You get a little willpower per day as cushion — once you're out, you're liable to snap

These help:

• Not spending ALL your time together. Ideally not living together, but rather having your own places. And that's good, keeps your time together a little special. Be patient; a few hours/day together is more than you had when apart. And of course, it's fun to sleep over at each other's places. Of course, I realize this is costly af. With one place, gotta be cleverer
• Having friends you can vent all the crap to, so she doesn't have to see too much of it, at least not in its rawest form. Ideally at least two friends, so you can rotate them & not put too much weight on any

Remember, willpower is a limited resource. Like expensive matches. People use it to build the slow-burning log fire of habits — which are unconscious & don't take nearly as much energy

I sent you a private message

 

[Death is my goal]

watch fruits basket together

 

[TheLastGreySky]

watch fruits basket together

Can I DM you I'm really spiraling right now

 

[Death is my goal]

Can I DM you I'm really spiraling right now

ah i can only access the site via vpn since it's blocked by my country so i don't spend much time here cuz it's much less convenient now. u may dm me your discord

 

[AmericanMary]

It sounds like you're going through a lot. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling.

But you cannot convince someone to stay. It has to be a choice they make for themselves. Be the best version of yourself & show her what a life together may look like. But ultimately, you can't make her stay.

Also I would strongly advise against ever telling someone they're the only reason you're not going to CTB. This will put a lot of pressure on her, make her act different & be careful around you.

If I was in the position and someone told me I was there only reason for being alive, even as someone who wants to CTB, I'd leave them.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

ah i can only access the site via vpn since it's blocked by my country so i don't spend much time here cuz it's much less convenient now. u may dm me your discord

Yes it's AcidRainWolf

 

[tankapi]

If you really care about her, focus on your own recovery.