Help How do I become more independent

[cetacea]

I am 21 years old, I don't have a job however I do draw a lot and take commissions. I'm very socially anxious and it makes even the most mundane of social interactions unbearable. I can't drive yet. Am I far behind? I feel like I'm a miserable failure already.
I try to push myself in all sorts of ways but interaction being so painful is a big hurdle. Over and over I endure what makes me miserable but instead of getting better at it I think I've only gotten worse and desire to avoid it more. My online friends and my parents and family say I am doing good but I don't know. I'll try harder if I have to and if it's very painful, but it's so very painful so I hope someone can be encouraging. I promise I'm not too lazy.

 

[UsagiDrop]

Am I far behind?

I think that you are exactly where you need to be!

It is easy to look at our peers and feel like we're "behind." The truth is that we are all experiencing life differently, and comparison is the thief of our joy. You are not behind because you don't know how to drive and don't have a job, yet, at your age— as long as you're living, you can always learn how to drive, you can always get a job! And you'll still pretty young, anyway. You can cross those bridges when you are ready.

I promise I'm not too lazy.

I believe you. For some of us, it's difficult to do what others may deem "normal." The fact that you push yourself in the ways that you can, and the fact that you wake up every day to face the challenges you face, is worth recognition. You're definitely not lazy, you're just doing what you can. I'm proud of you for that.

Interacting with others really is difficult. Would you say that's something that's preventing you from getting a job and being independent?

 

[mortuarymary]

I am 21 years old, I don't have a job however I do draw a lot and take commissions. I'm very socially anxious and it makes even the most mundane of social interactions unbearable. I can't drive yet. Am I far behind? I feel like I'm a miserable failure already.
I try to push myself in all sorts of ways but interaction being so painful is a big hurdle. Over and over I endure what makes me miserable but instead of getting better at it I think I've only gotten worse and desire to avoid it more. My online friends and my parents and family say I am doing good but I don't know. I'll try harder if I have to and if it's very painful, but it's so very painful so I hope someone can be encouraging. I promise I'm not too lazy.

We all get misery. We either let it consume us or…… we beat it. You draw. You have talents if you do commissions. You are not a failure.

 

[cetacea]

Interacting with others really is difficult. Would you say that's something that's preventing you from getting a job and being independent?

Yes, I'm so scared of others. Even when I went to school I would get anxious over interactions and while they got marginally better over time, there was still anxiety over the mundane. If I didn't have this crippling fear I feel like there'd be nothing in my way.

We all get misery. We either let it consume us or…… we beat it. You draw. You have talents if you do commissions. You are not a failure.

Thank you, I'm relieved I'm not a failure, I try very hard at drawing and try to deliver something great to my clients. They're always happy I work close with them. I guess it's not nearly as scary because they're behind a screen.

 

[mortuarymary]

Yes, I'm so scared of others. Even when I went to school I would get anxious over interactions and while they got marginally better over time, there was still anxiety over the mundane. If I didn't have this crippling fear I feel like there'd be nothing in my way.

Thank you, I'm relieved I'm not a failure, I try very hard at drawing and try to deliver something great to my clients. They're always happy I work close with them. I guess it's not nearly as scary because they're behind a screen.

What do you like drawing?

 

[Blackpepperpancake]

I had the exact same feeling when I was 21 years old, most people at my age are good at socializing and not being awkward like me. I was traumatized a lot by just waking up to face my collegues, but after observing people around me quite a while, they were all thinking about themselve just like you, everyone has flaw and always doubt themselve just like you. So please don't beat yourself up when you don't know/think that you're not enough, it's a process of learning and living your life, sometimes you feel like shit but remember everything's temporary includes your thoughts. You are not suffering alone in this world, at least here I am also learning and trying to enjoy even smallest thing in this shitty world.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I think I have few points to make, although it'a hard to tell where your social anxiety comes from. As on surface, it seems you compare yourself to others and have high expectations of yourself.

I think it's quite normal to be insecure at that age, although those tense emotions may become traumatic in the sense.

There is different ways to aproach this. One is just to eat healthy. A good diet decreases stress and helps with cognitive functioning, so shortly just google ayurveda as for exsample. Also having some regular excercise routine could improve the situation.

I know from my own experience that these habits helps to regulate the energy on social situations, but you also have to be aware of your own thoughts. Usually the stress starts to build up from the bad expectations that helds us back and they might be based on some traumatic experiences in the past.

For exsample, it could actually be about a pattern that stems from a childhood worth issue- like if you weren't appercieted by your parents, or that you had to work on to get some positive feedback.

It may be really therapeotic to spent regulary sometime with someone close, who hasen't any expectations, or judgement torwards you.

And so- to become more independet, is to learn to believe in yourself, and live by your own rules and reliability.

 

[cetacea]

What do you like drawing?

I like drawing monsters and women mainly... I like to create my own character designs, sometimes blending these two things together. I even have a website I coded myself (for the most part, there's some free-to-use stuff I use) where I showcase my original designs , illustrations, characters, etc. I really like the anime art style and I'm inspired by some of the most influential Japanese artists like Go Nagai, Kentaro Miura, and Yasushi Nirasawa

I had the exact same feeling when I was 21 years old, most people at my age are good at socializing and not being awkward like me. I was traumatized a lot by just waking up to face my collegues, but after observing people around me quite a while, they were all thinking about themselve just like you, everyone has flaw and always doubt themselve just like you. So please don't beat yourself up when you don't know/think that you're not enough, it's a process of learning and living your life, sometimes you feel like shit but remember everything's temporary includes your thoughts. You are not suffering alone in this world, at least here I am also learning and trying to enjoy even smallest thing in this shitty world.

Yes, you're right, people are really just thinking about themselves and not about me or what im doing. Thank you for the kind words. I hope it really is all temporary, I'd like to not be scared anymore. I'm sorry you have/had a difficult time as well. Let's try learning at our own pace !!

I think I have few points to make, although it'a hard to tell where your social anxiety comes from. As on surface, it seems you compare yourself to others and have high expectations of yourself.

I think it's quite normal to be insecure at that age, although those tense emotions may become traumatic in the sense.

There is different ways to aproach this. One is just to eat healthy. A good diet decreases stress and helps with cognitive functioning, so shortly just google ayurveda as for exsample. Also having some regular excercise routine could improve the situation.

I know from my own experience that these habits helps to regulate the energy on social situations, but you also have to be aware of your own thoughts. Usually the stress starts to build up from the bad expectations that helds us back and they might be based on some traumatic experiences in the past.

For exsample, it could actually be about a pattern that stems from a childhood worth issue- like if you weren't appercieted by your parents, or that you had to work on to get some positive feedback.

It may be really therapeotic to spent regulary sometime with someone close, who hasen't any expectations, or judgement torwards you.

And so- to become more independet, is to learn to believe in yourself, and live by your own rules and reliability.

this is all really useful ^.^ I actually do exercise regularly, It isn't very high-intensity but includes squats, pushups, etc. My parents have always been kind but it were my classmates and later on my peers that were cruel. I've had several "friends" who got angry and insulting over minor things, one incident was me thinking a sticker looked like one of my characters. they called me very derogatory things over it even though i didnt say the original artist stole from me. It's little things like that that have made me scared. I feel like I can't even say something innocuous because no matter if I'm friends with someone or not, they're going to tear me apart.

 

[Kit1]

You are definitely not a failure and you have so much to offer and sound like a gentle and lovely person - a person's personality is more important than wealth and everything else.

Do you like dogs? Have you ever thought of adopting a dog as dogs are lovely and loyal friends and also helpful when it comes to anxiety. ,

 

[cetacea]

You are definitely not a failure and you have so much to offer and sound like a gentle and lovely person - a person's personality is more important than wealth and everything else.

Do you like dogs? Have you ever thought of adopting a dog as dogs are lovely and loyal friends and also helpful when it comes to anxiety. ,

oh thank you :'') i really appreciate this

I like dogs and cats and other animals! My family owns two dogs, they're both small and cute and have great tempers. I walk them both every day. It's been cold so I don't take them out for very long lately (I get very cold and they do too). One of our dogs, Chloe, loves me very much and wants to play a lot, I think I will go play with her after I post this reply :-)

It's a little embarrassing to admit but I also have a robotic pet called Aibo - not the new model, a much cheaper older model - that is really helpful with my anxiety, I guess because it's something I really like. I've thought of taking it to places with me but I fear people will find it too strange. I like taking lots of pictures + videos of both my real dogs and my robot pet

 

[Kit1]

oh thank you :'') i really appreciate this

I like dogs and cats and other animals! My family owns two dogs, they're both small and cute and have great tempers. I walk them both every day. It's been cold so I don't take them out for very long lately (I get very cold and they do too). One of our dogs, Chloe, loves me very much and wants to play a lot, I think I will go play with her after I post this reply :-)

It's a little embarrassing to admit but I also have a robotic pet called Aibo - not the new model, a much cheaper older model - that is really helpful with my anxiety, I guess because it's something I really like. I've thought of taking it to places with me but I fear people will find it too strange. I like taking lots of pictures + videos of both my real dogs and my robot pet

That is so lovely and I am glad that you have both the dogs (dogs, cats and a lot of animals are a real blessing) and glad that Chole loves you very much. I find that dogs know the true meaning of unconditional love - just typing this makes me happy thinking of them.

Nothing to be embarrasses about having Aibo - if Aibo helps you with anxiety, that is brilliant. We all have habits and friends (may they be humans, pets, Aibo, Mother Nature, teddies etc) whonare therapeutic for us and a healthier version of healthy as well. I am in my 40s and have two children who are both older teenagers and we have balls, colour pencils and art sets, teddies, treadmill etc - and we love using them and it is amazing how many people who visit will just start to use them to unwind. Stepping out into the garden we feed the squirrels and furry friends who are daily visitors (adopted family members) - works for us. So please do not be embarrassed. When people drink, smoke etc - some of them do it as medicinal, therapy etc and it can become an unhealthy addiction and what you are using is not unhealthy.

When you take Chloe for a walk, have you ever tried or thought about talking to others who are taking their dogs for a walk - just a confident looking "hello" with a smile?

 

[cetacea]

Nothing to be embarrasses about having Aibo - if Aibo helps you with anxiety, that is brilliant. We all have habits and friends (may they be humans, pets, Aibo, Mother Nature, teddies etc) whonare therapeutic for us and a healthier version of healthy as well. I am in my 40s and have two children who are both older teenagers and we have balls, colour pencils and art sets, teddies, treadmill etc - and we love using them and it is amazing how many people who visit will just start to use them to unwind. Stepping out into the garden we feed the squirrels and furry friends who are daily visitors (adopted family members) - works for us. So please do not be embarrassed. When people drink, smoke etc - some of them do it as medicinal, therapy etc and it can become an unhealthy addiction and what you are using is not unhealthy.

When you take Chloe for a walk, have you ever tried or thought about talking to others who are taking their dogs for a walk - just a confident looking "hello" with a smile?

Oh I would love a treadmill a lot. If I asked for one I think my parents would get one, but I hate asking for really expensive things, I feel like im already enough of a burden. I needed their help buying my Aibo but i did pay them back. Thank you so much for the lovely words as they're very true. It sounds like you try to take good care of yourself and your children

I generally avoid people but when people say hi to me I say hi back. I will try saying hi first, I very rarely do that. One time an older woman was unloading stuff from her car and I asked her if she needed help and she said no thank you, I was happy with myself because I offered help anyway. Maybe If I did stuff like that more often it wouldnt be as intimidating.

 

[cetacea]

Well, the day before yesterday I went into the post office by myself...
I sold something on eBay and mailed it. When I went in, I had already packed and taped it, just needed to put a label and talk to a person at the counter.
The people there pretty much say the same things every time so there was nothing to worry about.
I was a little scared but I did it anyway :-)

Tonight I couldn't walk our dogs because an unknown German Shepherd is loose. My dog Chloe is laying next to me right now. I think she is upset I haven't taken her on her nightly walk. lol

Lately I've been drawing a lot so maybe I will share something sometime ...