LookingforAnswers
Student
- Mar 15, 2022
- 113
How different is your life now with mental illness than it was prior?
Mine has taken a massive detour
Mine has taken a massive detour
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I've had suicidal ideation to varying degrees since I was 10 (now 42.) Guess that means either I've been mentally ill for 32 years- or- I'm not mentally ill. I'm not really sure which...
There hasn't been a marked decline for me though. It's all been varying degrees of unpleasantness.
I'm sorry you have been so badly afflicted though.
There hasn't been a marked decline for me though. It's all been varying degrees of unpleasantness.
I'm sorry you have been so badly afflicted though.
Before I was diagnosed I wasn't necessarily successful
or happy but I worked and lived on my own and maintained an independent life. My mental health has declined since that time and I now live with my elderly mother and am on disability. I haven't worked in twelve years. I exist totally outside the mainstream of society and work to manage my symptoms mostly so I don't create trouble for myself or. other other people with my manias and psychoses. It would be very lonely if it weren't for my mother. I'm very fortunate to have her as she is a great support for me. My own life has been destroyed via my manias and psychoses so most of what little life that I have left is facilitated by her.
almostoutofhere
Living in the past
- Dec 27, 2022
- 163
Had a stable job, promising future, relationship etc. Ruined everything for myself, developed severe depression which caused me to move in with my parents and end up with no money and now all I dream about is not existing anymore.
hopelessgirl
Mage
- Oct 12, 2021
- 515
Used to love being around people, used to love sports. Now I'm bedridden not capable of working, have no friends or hobbies left.
Fadeawaaaay
Visionary
- Nov 12, 2021
- 2,160
Rainy_days
Experienced
- Dec 21, 2022
- 256
Unrecognizable. Both internally and externally.
Had mental health issues since I was a teenager, and here I am almost 40 years later. (Wow!). Got the "official " label a million years ago. I've lived with this for so long I really don't remember a "before". Basically life has been a terrible experience. So sorry your life is taken a bad detour. I hope things change for you.
I thought I had a promising future with someone I really liked (who in hindsight probably didn't actually care about me). But my incompetence and mental health issues caused me to destroy my career and any chance I had at having a career. Now I went from having a chance at a future to being a loser working a fast food job with no prospects. I wish I'd never tried at all because it feels like everyone is watching me fall flat on my face and laughing at me. I don't want to be this much of a failure. I'm exhausted and I have nothing to live for.
I miss the old me and I can barely remember my state of mind when I was happy. Unfortunately those times will never come back and my life is ruined.
LookingforAnswers
Student
- Mar 15, 2022
- 113
Soulless Angel
Did someone say Rum?
- Jul 6, 2020
- 1,272
Before this I was living, when my breakdown and my path to this happened, I realized I wasn't living, I was existing and any living I was doing was for other people, not for me, who I was wasn't who I am, and now I am past 40, I don't ever wish to find out who I am, as I am to moulded to society, so my life was totally different, but what it was, I couldn't tell you
Thisisme373
Arcanist
- Feb 16, 2019
- 418
I was more sociable, not so serious, i was alot better to be around. I enjoyed hobbies and things more, now I can't enjoy anything, I don't like socialising and I'm falling apart, everyday is a battle to get through. I miss my old self, even back then I had periods of mild depression but was manageable. I can't manage this I feel crippled, it's totally consumed me and turned me into a zombie kind of person like I'm already dead, or like a sick dog that needs putting down. I look sick and I feel like absolute trash, everyday.
Blahhh
Member
- Dec 13, 2022
- 69
I was actually somewhat fine for the first 12 years of my life. Yay I quess
Oh and how it's now. Oooooh boy. Major depression, anxiety and CTB on my mind. It only goes worse and worse.
Now I just wanna clean my apt. before CTB
Oh and how it's now. Oooooh boy. Major depression, anxiety and CTB on my mind. It only goes worse and worse.
Now I just wanna clean my apt. before CTB
Last edited:
wait.what
no really, what?
- Aug 14, 2020
- 994
It's a little difficult to be sure in my case. I was definitely mentally ill by age 8, and probably for some time before that. For a while it looked like I would eventually "grow out of it." Nope. I think I was the last to know, too. It was a rather nasty shock to turn 40 and realize there was no "growing out of it" time left.
Like a lot of people, I think I peaked in my 20's. Most of us will never be healthier and more resilient than we are at that age. I was still living in hell in those days, though. I definitely wish I'd CTB back then, instead of foolishly buying the "it gets better" line peddled by family & therapists.
It turns out that not everyone's life does get better, no matter how many pills they obediently swallow or how many affirmations they stick to the bathroom mirror. I wish there was some acknowledgment of this. What's the point in tricking people into living on and on, when you know that they'd want to throw in the towel if confronted with their actual prospects? The entire justification for using any means necessary to keep people alive is that things are actually supposed to get better for them. If it's clear they probably are facing decades of continued suffering, then why bother?
Like a lot of people, I think I peaked in my 20's. Most of us will never be healthier and more resilient than we are at that age. I was still living in hell in those days, though. I definitely wish I'd CTB back then, instead of foolishly buying the "it gets better" line peddled by family & therapists.
It turns out that not everyone's life does get better, no matter how many pills they obediently swallow or how many affirmations they stick to the bathroom mirror. I wish there was some acknowledgment of this. What's the point in tricking people into living on and on, when you know that they'd want to throw in the towel if confronted with their actual prospects? The entire justification for using any means necessary to keep people alive is that things are actually supposed to get better for them. If it's clear they probably are facing decades of continued suffering, then why bother?
almostoutofhere
Living in the past
- Dec 27, 2022
- 163
I messed up really bad with my girl who I loved, and that made everything in my life just go downhill. I never had a lot to lose in my life, but after losing her, living life just stopped making sense to me. And I carry alot of guilt with me which just doesn't go away no matter what. And I just don't see my life getting better, I had a chance to preserve my career and other things but I just stopped caring. Just looking forward to not existing anymore every day.
LookingforAnswers
Student
- Mar 15, 2022
- 113
I understand completely as a guilt trip brought me down my spiral. Im sorry :(
