Story How did you make peace with the fact you're going to hurt loved ones/family?

[Mizoppo911]

Grieving is part of being a human, and you tried your best, you tried to fight but life became unbearable, life is a constant fight for most, and it's hard to constantly fight and never get tired.

People in your life will be sad as that's just a human trait, how sad? Depends on the person. If you think it'll risk the life of a person (like they'll ctb if you go) than it's up to you, but personally I would ctb unless I knew that the people in your life are safe.

Life is difficult and hopefully before you ctb you tried everything and this is a last resort (it is for me). You should not let the feelings however of others impact your decision. This is a fully case-by-case scenario.

If you have no one, it will be much easier to ctb, yes, but you deserve to be happy and comfortable just as much as anyone in your family or anyone that cares about you.

Just make sure before you ctb if you have a family that matters to you, make sure to leave a will and stuff like that, it'll help the situation.

Write a note too, and make sure to put in that note how much they matter to you, and how you feel and why you did it. A note is one of the most important things to leave.

Lastly, it's a extremely hard decision to ctb anyways, it should be, it's a huge choice. Like I said, ctb should be a last resort, when the pain is too much and you have no choice.

You deserve to be happy, you deserve peace and if this life doesn't give it, well- you may want to ctb.

 

[Saai]

They'll probably be sad about it for a while. But I know everyone in my current house will just kinda move on.

My mom and my gran will most likely be heart broken. My brother will be furious and probably blame my father. But he will accept it too soon enough, he process loss very differently.

Those are pretty much the only people I have. All of which should honestly just respect my decision and keep going like I was never there.

 

[ExistHarm]

i can see exactly how it will go. my blue corpse finally at peace in my bed, my mom and dad running up screaming and in tears and holding it and rocking it back and forth. and they might say why, and where did i go wrong. and later they might watch the suicide note i will record, and watch me tell them to her face, don't you fucking dare cry for me. you should have known this was not even a little bit far from a possibility when you chose to bring another person into this hell. don't you dare act surprised. dont you dare tell yourself or others, if only there was something i could have done.

i utterly hate the phrase, "no one should have to bury their child." do any of the delusional fools hawking that quip understand the implication? "every child should have to bury their parent," as if that is any fucking better. i swear to the nonexistent gods above, if people could see just how brutally bloody their children's death will be before they give birth, 99% of people would abort the poor fucks, and the other 1% would just be sociopaths. but no. they fucking BANK on dying before their kids so they will never have to witness the horrors they were instrumental in creating.

the only people i will feel truly sorry for are my 3 siblings my parents decided to curse me with. its not like we are close at all, or i was ever a good brother to them. some may even feel a sense of relief. but those are the only ones whose pain will i feel sorry for. the rest of my family, my friends, acquaintances, etc, i will feel some level of sadness as well. however, this is my fucking body. i will choose what i want to do with my body and will expect nobody to tell me im wrong for it.

 

[ilovecats]

I will not be there to see the consequences of my actions after I die. It'll be like nothing ever happened from my perspective.

 

[Haruka]

It sounds really sad, but I think you just learn to accept it after a while. Most people who are suicidal have become numb to emotions in my experience, which doesn't mean that they don't care, they just don't have the ability to feel emotions about love and leaving loved ones anymore. I hope this helped

 

[ctb7767]

I haven't. It's the toughest part for me.

 

[Tartuffe]

Maybe in the long term they'll understand. I'm sure they will

 

[stermc]

I am sure they are going to be all fine, but just the thought of making my mom and dad feel like a failure after all they've done for me (even though they have nothing to do w it)… I just can't right now.

 

[Ki_Nam]

It's tough. My other self tells me to just do it, or that they are against me, or that I won't see the devastation and fallout left behind. But that's just me trying to convince myself to make it seem easy. However, I've done things I told myself not to before. There will come a time when I won't care about anything, and just be blinded by my will to do it.

Am I afraid that will actually happen? Yes.

 

[eternalbliss22]

Don't have any

 

[TAW122]

Personally, I know that they will never truly respect my decision (unless I was terminally ill and/or severely disabled (like quadriplegia, ALS, stage III cancer, MS, etc.). Therefore, I just accepted that I will at some point in my life take matters into my own hands and I simply just don't trust them. Furthermore, I never consented to being alive and generally I don't enjoy being 'alive'. I also don't talk about things like this because I don't want to set off red flags or be intervened against. From a philosophical point, I made peace with the fact that everyone will eventually die at some point in their lives, the difference is how, when, and where; and personally I would rather die on my own terms.

 

[Laivirt]

Lol I sure hope I hurt them! They didn't deserve me.

I'm sure this isn't the answer you wanted to hear, but it's true. If they didn't want you dead, they should've tried helping when you were still alive.

"Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody."

- Holden Caulfield

 

[arcadia]

I really haven't, my family haven't been too good to me but it's the one thing that pains my heart even knowing I plan to CTB as soon as my SN arrives, it'll be the one thing I'll never get over

 

[hellispink]

Did the care when they hurt me abandoned me and abused me? No. So why would i care. I couldn't care a shit honestly

 

[SpencerSees]

"do onto others what has been done to me" :D
Of course, i won't abuse anyone, but if they got to hurt me, i get to hurt them.

 

[Katakuri19]

I shouldn't keep suffering because of others, besides that, I have a big family who will support each other. I have no friends or girlfriend to worry about.

 

[xxpinkmoonglitterxx]

I cause all my loved ones infinitely more pain and anger by being alive. The burden of me will be gone soon and then they can move on with their lives. They're better off without me. I don't think they will mourn me. Maybe the idea of me as a person, but not me personally.

 

[アホペンギン]

I made peace with the fact how my ctb will hurt my supposed loved ones because they ruined me.

 

[drennedrat]

I haven't totally made peace yet because I really love my family. But I know that my presence does not add to their lives very much. I'm not a good sibling or aunt. And definitely a problem of a child. I know in the long run I'll save my parents a lot of money and worries, even though they'll be very sad for a while. I just hope that my mom is able to keep functioning when I'm gone and that she knows she did everything she could to help me.

 

[Ico]

I haven't, that's why I am still around.

This, right here. I have a wife and a little girl who are completely dependent upon me financially, not to mention how messed up they'd get from finding my dead body.

If something happens to me, I have an executor of estate that will swoop in and take care of the financial stuff. Can't help with the emotional scars, though.

So...I am essentially just suffering through my own afterlife, hoping that a freak accident (or shooting, since I'm American) will occur. Otherwise, I work until I drop dead. Don't be jealous.

 

[Anna.]

My wife cares too much- can't do anything alone after i tried to ctb in 2021. The guilt of leaving her is always here, I just have to get over it. That's a reason I'm still here, otherwise I would have just done it.

 

[mierepeashi]

I don't have any so I'm good literally not a single human would notice or care which is weight off my chest

What if no one cares but you have people that you care about. How do you get over that selfish feeling that you want to stay with them and live to see their face for another day? even if you know they wouldnt do the same for you in the slightest.

 

[sadpeach]

I think the fact that I do not like what I've become and know I will only get worse the longer I'm here makes it easier. I'm irritable and when I'm having a really bad day I tend to lash out and say things I don't mean. Knowing they deserve better than that has helped.

 

[bluebus]

Luckily, the way they gloated in my face or mistreated me helped, but I still love them.

I guess I just had to face facts: I could exist miserable for them or put myself first. That's the situation as simple as I can put it. I suffered enough. I have battled enough. I am weary. I am facing mental health issues now cuz of how long I stuck around. It's time to call it a day. Anyone who looks at my life objectively can see that it didn't work out. There is little fixing it. It's just time to call it a day. Somebody had to. Also I hate my life but I love myself too much to let me live this indignity for any longer.

This may not be the most popular answer on here, but I'll give my honest take.
I feel the same way you do. I have a lot of beautiful people in my life that care about me, and I care about them. Every time I see them, or talk to the, or even think about them, I feel bad for what I'm going to do them. I'm in the same boat as you in that I don't have a choice but to ctb. At this point you look at your life and realize that nothing in this world (parents, friends, favorite hobbies, movies, games, pets, future opportunities, etc.) can make your life worth living. That's a sad reality, but it's just the way it is for some of us. This exact topic has been on my mind a lot more recently. And I've come to a bit of a sad realization. While all of my pain will be gone when I die, it won't come with me. That pain will never truly go away, it'll only be transferred to the people in my life. Realizing that definitely was sobering. It's a horrible thing, but it's a fact. The pain will never truly go away. I wish there was I could take it with me. But unfortuanlty, we can't control what happens after we're gone. It really is terrible for the people that are left behind (I've had numerous people in my life pass either from ctbing or other causes) and it sucks. At the end of the day though, we deserve to find peace and it is our decision to make. We shouldn't be forced to suffer just for the sake of others. I know this isn't a real answer to your question, but I hope it can help you navigate what you're going through in some way. I'm truly sorry that you're at this point in life. I wish life could have been kinder to you, to all of us here. I hope that you can find peace somewhere, whatever you decide to do. All the best wishes, bb

I'll never make peace with it.

I think that's the answer.

 

[William01]

I had a parent recently saying to me like "I depend on you a lot, I don't know what I would do without you". This is really really demotivating and feels like being kept hostage to other people's emotions when planning and trying to get your head around end it all

 

[Toward Zero]

I didn't, they will have to deal with this when I am gone. It is insanely selfish, but there is nothing I can do to prepare them. I can't even tell them that its coming

 

[ShrimpSB]

I don't think I made peace with it and am just running with it under the coward's way, while tucking in my feelings as best I can. I don't want people I care about to be hurt, so I'd rather they didnt find out if possible.

 

[Nothere01]

Luckily, the way they gloated in my face or mistreated me helped, but I still love them.

I guess I just had to face facts: I could exist miserable for them or put myself first. That's the situation as simple as I can put it. I suffered enough. I have battled enough. I am weary. I am facing mental health issues now cuz of how long I stuck around. It's time to call it a day. Anyone who looks at my life objectively can see that it didn't work out. There is little fixing it. It's just time to call it a day. Somebody had to. Also I hate my life but I love myself too much to let me live this indignity for any longer.

My family will be hurt but I am hurting a lot more than them, and their pain will go away eventually. I refuse to stay alive for them just to keep them happy while i'm suffering a lot. I will write them a letter stating that there was no other way out for me and ask them to not allow themselves to stay depressed for me.

 

[Stormy Raine]

In the end you get so exhausted for existing for others and being miserable that at some point you can't go on and simply don't care. We can't hold on forever!

 

[vault]

Like the OP said, i think it is fine to just put myself first. I love my family so much and they are the only reason i havent gone through with CTB yet. But in the end, i am my own person and I can make my own decisions, and i believe it is better for me if I end it. I understand they will be upset, but I prefer that over forcing myself to live in perpetual suffering for their sake.