How did you feel when you tried to ctb?

[Endstati0n]

Hello,

i was wondering if you have some stories to tell about your past attempts and how you felt before, while and after you did it.

My last attempt on catching the bus felt so fucking good. After i took, what i thought was 2 grams of heroin by sniffing i instantly felt so relieved and at peace. I knew it was the right thing. I had some anxiety before I took it and didn't believe that i would actually take it. But I did and damn, it felt amazing. But yeah, I got scammed. It wasn't Real heroin, But crack, which somehow didnt do anythingto me because it has to be smoked i guess. When i knew something wasnt right and i got scammed i went and bought H from another dealer But it failed again, bought 2 grams and sniffed it But i just felt very dizzy and i had to Puke alot. Thats why i dont understand the whole propaganda that says that all suicide survivor regret attempting. I only regret that i didn't do enough research

 

[LastNite]

Felt shit. Worst time of my life. It made my life 10x worse so yeh I kinda do regret it. I wouldnt have regretted dying though. I regret having done no research and surviving.

 

[lilurki]

I was in absolute agony, like physically the pain was unbearable. Mentally it haunted me that people saw me, and heard me scream and writhe in pain but no one cared and I just suffered through because for some reason my body fought death. I don't ever plan on attempting again at this point, but it sucked that no one cared, or even bothered to call 911 if they didn't personally care. I was stuck on the ground of a public park for hours and kept trying to get up just to pass out again and again, only moving a few feet each time, until I finally was able to walk back to the homeless shelter I was staying at. Where no one really asked any questions or cared either except to leer at me because I'm a young woman, or steal what little belongings I had.

 

[RyleIsRiledUp]

it felt scary. like the moment i kinda started losing consciousness I got super scared. I mean, you dunno what's after death. You stop feeling evreything, you just... stop being. There is neither heaven, nor hell. there is no darkness either. there is nothing and that nothing scared the shyt outta me when the effects of my OD attempt kicked in. I miscalculated so I survived. I dont like life but death is really frightening. Can you imagine the state of nothing? you can't. only the dead know death. you know consequences of what happens in life, tho it is unpredictable. but you dunno what's up with death. i can't imagine being nothing. Ican't imagine the nothing. The fact I might die any moment scared tf outta me n makes me so nauseous.
So just wrap up in jest (Cuz idk my copin mech is humor)

Death: 0/10. Bad experience. Would not recommend.

 

[Forveleth]

I felt very calm before and during both times. I was ready for death and was just glad my life would finally be over. The first time I woke up very ill, so I did not have time for emotions. The second time I was pissed.

 

[Endstati0n]

it felt scary. like the moment i kinda started losing consciousness I got super scared. I mean, you dunno what's after death. You stop feeling evreything, you just... stop being. There is neither heaven, nor hell. there is no darkness either. there is nothing and that nothing scared the shyt outta me when the effects of my OD attempt kicked in. I miscalculated so I survived. I dont like life but death is really frightening. Can you imagine the state of nothing? you can't. only the dead know death. you know consequences of what happens in life, tho it is unpredictable. but you dunno what's up with death. i can't imagine being nothing. Ican't imagine the nothing. The fact I might die any moment scared tf outta me n makes me so nauseous.
So just wrap up in jest (Cuz idk my copin mech is humor)

Death: 0/10. Bad experience. Would not recommend.

Im not afraid of nothingness. My life feels like nothingness already so idk. I just hope I wont get reborn, atleast not as a human, or if as a human then as a hunter in some forest with a Tribe n shit without Technology

 

[sanctionedusage]

i felt worse afterwards, when i couldn't do it

 

[ICantFixThis]

On my most recent attempt I felt so empty while trying, and after so angry I failed. I went on a long drive after while crying

 

[AnonymousCupcake]

It felt like I finally had an escape and I felt very little pain surprisingly. It was June 14th, 2025 and I was in the bathroom with the door closed, my rope around my neck with socks for padding (thanks to whoever posted about that because that LITERALLY did the trick) and I felt SUPER wobbly, but I just couldn't pass out. I tried and tried some more until I had to stop because I had to go to work. I tried again on the 20th, but then I ended up in a psych ward for the 6th time because I for some reason told my friend who told my brother who then came home from work early and called 911 on me. That was my last attempt and I learned my lesson NOT to tell anyone about me attempting. This time, I'm only coming here to post about it.

Things have been going great lately up until now. You can check my profile to see my history and why I feel that killing myself is THE solution to get out of this hell. Unfortunately, that means leaving my dog behind to be with my parents. I tried to stay alive for her as well because I can't just leave her, but I guess my mind is changing on that because I can't take it anymore.

 

[interna]

both my attempts were impulsive.

mentally, i remember feeling really sad the first time. i was tired and miserable. it took a while, but i eventually passed out, only to wake up again with the worst stomachache id ever felt. horrible and i regretted it. i also really hated having to be rushed to the hospital, etc.

the second time around, i was angry and felt humiliated. the process itself brought me relief, however.... it was very painful and a bit scary in retrospect, but that didn't outweigh the fact that i was truly happy. i didnt feel regretful or anything like that.
thankfully i passed out quickly, unlike the first time. when i woke up, though, it was absolute hell. i was in pain for at least 3 days after that, and im still dealing with the aftereffects even though it was 4 months ago.... i might've gotten brain damage honestly, but even then, i can say id do it again

 

[suncide10]

On my first attempt when I felt pressure on my neck I immediatly stood up. I asked myself what the fuck am I doing. I wanted to cry but I couldn't because it's hard for me feel something let alone express it.

 

[taker_of_insulin]

It felt like I finally had an escape and I felt very little pain surprisingly. It was June 14th, 2025 and I was in the bathroom with the door closed, my rope around my neck with socks for padding (thanks to whoever posted about that because that LITERALLY did the trick) and I felt SUPER wobbly, but I just couldn't pass out. I tried and tried some more until I had to stop because I had to go to work. I tried again on the 20th, but then I ended up in a psych ward for the 6th time because I for some reason told my friend who told my brother who then came home from work early and called 911 on me. That was my last attempt and I learned my lesson NOT to tell anyone about me attempting. This time, I'm only coming here to post about it.

Things have been going great lately up until now. You can check my profile to see my history and why I feel that killing myself is THE solution to get out of this hell. Unfortunately, that means leaving my dog behind to be with my parents. I tried to stay alive for her as well because I can't just leave her, but I guess my mind is changing on that because I can't take it anymore.

Leaving my dog is the hard part for me too. He's the reason I'm still here. Although my sister said she'd take him if anything ever happened to me

 

[seasaltbutter]

i felt calm and content during my first attempt. i only regret it because i was found and it made shit even worse.

 

[peacefulexitplz]

First close to successful attempt I blacked out trying PSH. Didn't know what blacking out from that felt like so SI kicked in. Was conflicted afterwards, one part of me was so excited that it was possible, another was dissapointed that I didn't go all the way.

Second near success I found my sweet spot with my fingers and could reliably find it again. I tried again and blacked out but in a different position, and similarly SI kicked in at the last moment. Same feeling afterwards, wish I went through with it fully. This time I was passed out for longer though. No marks on my neck because I used padding, but my eyes were bloodshot.

Hopefully third time's the charm, right?

 

[K14~♡]

Felt horrible. It wasn't even that painful, just that it was mentally agonizing. My method was partial and I couldn't completely pass out so I kept trying again and again throughout the night. I got tired from trying and just wanted to stop so I did. The only thing I regret is booking a room, coulda used that money for something else since it didn't work anyway.