northerner
New Member
- Feb 2, 2026
- 4
hi everyone! i'm brand-new here and curious to know how you all decided to ctb. i've been back-and-forth on whether or not i should end my life for quite awhile and based off of what i've read here, i need to be 100% sure i want to do it before i do it to avoid a "halfway attempt" that leaves me disfigured or worse.
for context, i am on meds for anxiety and depression but i keep getting used to them and raising my dose, but i'm currently at the max dose and i know it's only a matter of time before it wears off and i'll have no other options. i also recently had to drop out of school due to financial instability and i am really struggling to find full-time employment (i work part-time as a music teacher right now). i have very few friends, much of my family is upset with me right now because of some drama that i won't get into right now, and i've never had a partner and it seems unlikely i ever will.
overall, my life just feels very worthless and irredemable and every day has me feeling worse than the last. there's still a tiny voice in the back of my mind that keeps telling me that if i do ctb, it'll be right before my life was going to turn around (insert that stupid image of the miner quitting right before he strikes gold) but i also don't see any possible way for my life to turn around right now. i don't know. what's everyone else's motivation for ending it all? how did you come to decide what you were going to do?
p.s. i apologize if any of this is against the rules!! please let me know so i can make appropriate changes as i'm still finding my footing on this forum :)
for context, i am on meds for anxiety and depression but i keep getting used to them and raising my dose, but i'm currently at the max dose and i know it's only a matter of time before it wears off and i'll have no other options. i also recently had to drop out of school due to financial instability and i am really struggling to find full-time employment (i work part-time as a music teacher right now). i have very few friends, much of my family is upset with me right now because of some drama that i won't get into right now, and i've never had a partner and it seems unlikely i ever will.
overall, my life just feels very worthless and irredemable and every day has me feeling worse than the last. there's still a tiny voice in the back of my mind that keeps telling me that if i do ctb, it'll be right before my life was going to turn around (insert that stupid image of the miner quitting right before he strikes gold) but i also don't see any possible way for my life to turn around right now. i don't know. what's everyone else's motivation for ending it all? how did you come to decide what you were going to do?
p.s. i apologize if any of this is against the rules!! please let me know so i can make appropriate changes as i'm still finding my footing on this forum :)
