how did u find this site?

[selfsabotage]

i'm curious on how everybody found this forum. in my opinion it's pretty hard nowadays to find such communities online because of how heavily restricted everything is on the internet.

personally, it was thanks to a YA novel titled "I Was Here" that talks about a girl investigating her best friend's suicide and found out she was on an online forum (such as SaSu). It featured and explained terms like "CTB", "SI", and showcased the general vibe of this website and how it worked, but it never gave any names. I read it in 2023, at a time where i was heavily (as usual) depressed and hopeless, so I dug around online desperately trying to find if such a forum actually existed. Lo and behold I end up finding this site.

fun fact, i made my account back then but only lurked once or twice because i was too scared i think, and i wasnt in a place back then where ctb was an option i could seriously consider. never tried to use the site again.

Until a couple weeks ago lol. obviously ive been in a bad place multiple times in between, but this time im the most serious about it than ive ever been. i remembered the existence of a site but couldnt for the life of me remember its name, so I had to dig around again for quite some time and find it in some NYT article talking about SN and SaSu. I always thought that back in 2023, i lurked as a guest and never made an account, so then i tried registering an account using the same username and email as I did 3 years ago (having completely forgotten that i did), and was so shocked to see that it said the email was already in use. i then logged in instead and there u have it. it made me extremely sad to see that in 3 years, i hadn't changed a bit, down to the username i used on such a site that i never use anywhere else, and even the password that i got right on the first try.

Oh well. i talked a bunch but anyway, just wanna know what's yall's story on how you stumbled upon such a place :)


Side note: i find it incredibly ironic that in an attempt to raise awareness around the concept of ctb (and discouraging people from it through emotional stories), as well as around the existence of such online communities to avoid them and put them to shame, it ended up steering people towards it instead

 

[QuarantinedThoughts]

I found this site 2 days ago, registered last night. Found it on Reddit, actually! Someone asked about sites like this and someone else provided a link, so I was curious and clicked it.

 

[selfsabotage]

I found this site 2 days ago, registered last night. Found it on Reddit, actually! Someone asked about sites like this and someone else provided a link, so I was curious and clicked it.

curious, what subreddit would that discussion happen on?

 

[fluorescentpearl]

I googled how to kms and scrolled far enough to find a link to here of someone asking about the method I was looking up, I think, I don't remember very well, it was fairly easy to find! It did take me two hours to even open it since it kept getting timed out

 

[QuarantinedThoughts]

curious, what subreddit would that discussion happen on?

I dont remember actually. I follow a lot of subs that have to do with death. It was from a promoted subreddit, not one i was currently following. r/Existentialism maybe? Again, not sure. When I found this link, I clicked the link, bookmarked it, went back to Reddit and the app refreshed, in which case I subsequently lost that subreddit when the app booted me to back to the top of my feed.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

curious, what subreddit would that discussion happen on?

I found it on Reddit, too. On r/Suicide Watch, of course, where else?

 

[LastNite]

I found it on Reddit, too. On r/Suicide Watch, of course, where else?

They insta ban anyone who talks about it lol

 

[selfsabotage]

They insta ban anyone who talks about it lol

that's what i was thinking right im a little surprised people are still managing to migrate here from reddit

 

[darksouls]

a guy on GOREFLIX posted a link

 

[ctb_warrior]

I was frantically looking for a method on Google. And i found this link of SaSu. I found many methods on this site. Night night intrigued me. Unfortunately, it doesn't work for most people. I used to lurk on the site for years. In Feb 2024, i decided to make an account and interact with the amazing people. I got to meet one guy in new delhi, it was a really nice discussion we had in person. He purchased a snack (kurkure) + 2l bottle of pepsi and we were discussing it while strolling on the road. He discussed his reason of ctb. He was a very thoughtful and intellectual guy who was a victim of mental illness. I felt sad to see such an amazing guy thinking of ctb. He said that he will ctb by going into jungle so that no one can find him there and he will leave all his devices at home so he's untraceable by all means. Me and him were connected over reddit. His reddit got banned and i lost contact with him. He has not been active here. I don't know if he found peace in life or peace in death. I hope he found peace in life because an intelligent guy with a big heart deserves to live a happy life .

 

[ioannes_zera]

from a youtube video from a guy warning people away from this website. decided to take a look, and here i am

 

[ctb_warrior]

from a youtube video from a guy warning people away from this website. decided to take a look, and here i am

It's crazy. This website is literally home. How can he "warn" about such a benign website that actually is pro Life. The design is such, you start talking to loving and supportive people, and you slowly feel loved and the feeling of ctb begins to fade
In 2 decades of my ctb attempts, i wish I had found sasu when i was in the initial stage, i might have got cured from ctb thoughts

 

[gemstar]

i was researching ctb methods and stumbled upon this site by chance, was surprised that a site like this is so easily searchable lol

 

[ioannes_zera]

It's crazy. This website is literally home. How can he "warn" about such a benign website that actually is pro Life. The design is such, you start talking to loving and supportive people, and you slowly feel loved and the feeling of ctb begins to fade
In 2 decades of my ctb attempts, i wish I had found sasu when i was in the initial stage, i might have got cured from ctb thoughts

Yes, it's such a contradiction for me. I feel like i found my people. I remember the very first post I've seen , was from someone who was suffering from the exact same things as I was. I feel *less* suicidal when I'm on this site.

 

[selfsabotage]

I was frantically looking for a method on Google. And i found this link of SaSu. I found many methods on this site. Night night intrigued me. Unfortunately, it doesn't work for most people. I used to lurk on the site for years. In Feb 2024, i decided to make an account and interact with the amazing people. I got to meet one guy in new delhi, it was a really nice discussion we had in person. He purchased a snack (kurkure) + 2l bottle of pepsi and we were discussing it while strolling on the road. He discussed his reason of ctb. He was a very thoughtful and intellectual guy who was a victim of mental illness. I felt sad to see such an amazing guy thinking of ctb. He said that he will ctb by going into jungle so that no one can find him there and he will leave all his devices at home so he's untraceable by all means. Me and him were connected over reddit. His reddit got banned and i lost contact with him. He has not been active here. I don't know if he found peace in life or peace in death. I hope he found peace in life because an intelligent guy with a big heart deserves to live a happy life .

that's something i've wondered about a lot. how do people here deal with the idea of interacting with certain people on sites like these where clearly the goal of most people is to eventually depart, getting attached and even sometimes, like u did, meet up irl, knowing at any point that person could disappear forever? like on my end, for the past few months i've been purposefully avoiding meeting new people around me or making new friends irl, and ghosting a bunch of people on socials, because i want to minimize the number of people that would be hurt by my departure. and also attachement always ends up in me hurting. but so, isn't that sentiment even stronger here? knowing ull lose the person forever eventually? idk if im making myself clear im extremely sleep deprived lol

that's something i've wondered about a lot. how do people here deal with the idea of interacting with certain people on sites like these where clearly the goal of most people is to eventually depart, getting attached and even sometimes, like u did, meet up irl, knowing at any point that person could disappear forever? like on my end, for the past few months i've been purposefully avoiding meeting new people around me or making new friends irl, and ghosting a bunch of people on socials, because i want to minimize the number of people that would be hurt by my departure. and also attachement always ends up in me hurting. but so, isn't that sentiment even stronger here? knowing ull lose the person forever eventually? idk if im making myself clear im extremely sleep deprived lol

like i basically am scared of making any friends on here cz genuinely what's the point if you know they might ctb at any moment? you'll just get even more hurt and deal with even more grief. or you'll inflict that feeling on more people if you do it first, yk?

 

[ctb_warrior]

Yes, it's such a contradiction for me. I feel like i found my people. I remember the very first post I've seen , was from someone who was suffering from the exact same things as I was. I feel *less* suicidal when I'm on this site.

Exactly.. this site is not pro Suicide but pro Life

that's something i've wondered about a lot. how do people here deal with the idea of interacting with certain people on sites like these where clearly the goal of most people is to eventually depart, getting attached and even sometimes, like u did, meet up irl, knowing at any point that person could disappear forever? like on my end, for the past few months i've been purposefully avoiding meeting new people around me or making new friends irl, and ghosting a bunch of people on socials, because i want to minimize the number of people that would be hurt by my departure. and also attachement always ends up in me hurting. but so, isn't that sentiment even stronger here? knowing ull lose the person forever eventually? idk if im making myself clear im extremely sleep deprived lol

like i basically am scared of making any friends on here cz genuinely what's the point if you know they might ctb at any moment? you'll just get even more hurt and deal with even more grief. or you'll inflict that feeling on more people if you do it first, yk?

That's a really beautiful point.
In 2024, i talked to another guy from Delhi, he was a bit elder than me, but he had chronic illness that was painful and he lived alone. I was supposed to collab with him in the month of March when i visited Delhi. He was in so much pain, he chose to CTB earlier than he planned it. I felt really bad. But then, i revised my thought. He was in pain and if he successfully could CTB, he found his peace, so that's a good thing. Though, no matter how much we reframe it, we definitely miss these folks as they touched our lives and chose to CTB. All I can wish for them is, I wish that they can finally rest in peace.