How close are you to CTB

[almostoutofhere]

Next week

Me too. Which day you thinking?

 

[IWTD]

I feel like shit but I'm not dead (yet) I'm thinking fentanyl if this doesn't work.

Bi polarizing the shit out of this. I tried (again) the Coreg just made me have trouble breathing and a little dizzy. That's it…nothing like the warning label stated.

Right now I'm convinced to live but it's so up and down. I'm thinking of preparing a high dose of fentanyl that should be fool proof and no coming back from that right?

 

[IWTD]

I very nearly succeeded in ctb in January 2021. Benzos and alcohol, hyperventilate and then quickly double-bagged my head with two airtight bags and sealed with tight duct tape around my neck.

I had less SI than I thought (SI is always the problem with this method… it's thought that you'll claw the bag off if you don't bind your hands). But surprisingly, after the initial panicky oh-my-god-I-can't-breathe moments, I relaxed and felt a wave of almost euphoric peacefulness wash over me. It was amazing.

By some fluke I was found. I was in my car, lights off, in the middle of nowhere, but a farmer happened to be visiting out of season and for some reason was awake at 3 am and saw my car near his land. I was revived.

Coming SO CLOSE to ctb and being found, and then having to basically start my life over again, made me overly paranoid of attempting and failing again. That's why I'm here… researching different methods (I'm having trouble deciding) and making sure precautions are taken so there aren't any mistakes. I don't know. I feel like I'm constantly overthinking it.

I'm leaning heavily towards SN over a gun (more peaceful, and I know someone who used a gun and failed… horrifying) but can't source any yet.

Thanks for reading my random dump sesh.

Doesn't this suck. Try and hang in there, if you know of any techniques like breathing, yoga, meditation, medication or anything else give it a try and let me know. Good luck to you and I wish you well.

 

[Fulminare]

Me too. Which day you thinking?

I can't say for sure, but any day from Monday~Friday. Depends on how Sunday went for me. You?

 

[jumbles421]

If things go according to plan I will be gone soon.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Teetering on the edge hoping to fall into the abyss.

 

[wait.what]

I will miss you if/when you go, @LaVieEnRose. I think I already posted this somewhere. I was probably drunk. Hopefully I posted it here and not my aunt's FB wall or something.

I'm actually not extremely depressed right now, but I find myself doing that classic pre-suicide stuff. Giving things away, subtly saying goodbyes. Like if you won't be seeing someone again, what do you want to leave them with? Simultaneously really moody and yet I just don't care about anything. It's new and weird.

 

[Inferno]

As soon as I get my gun license which should be around mid-late 2024. If it gets refused I'll just book a one way trip to the United States, purchase a shotgun through a private seller and shoot myself.

 

[BBBB]

Hopefully tonight.

 

[waran22]

already did

it just didnt work out

but theres no way back

i will die one or the other way

bye nazigermany

 

[No longer suicidal😁]

I already tested my setup for partial hanging. I'm not sure if it's going to work or not though. I'm waiting to get some stuff done first and then ctb.

 

[cozy]

Still not close enough, it seems. Scared back and forth between misery kind of holding out, never getting close enough for some reason. Maybe - hopefully - sometime.

 

[Blahhh]

I only need EU to EU source for SN. And then... I think

 

[Suicidе]

Hopefully in a few weeks!

Been thinking about it for a few years, tested the waters once and cause some liver damage, and nearly lost consciousness,but aborted a number of times with partial. My method will be full suspension hanging in a forest or a 250 foot swan dive onto concrete or water. It might not even go as planned and be tortured while I lose consciousness and die, but I think the only suffering that's truly worth it will be when I die.

I will not stay alive to satisfy some narcissist's emotional needs while I suffer doing the same things on repeat for years until they are in their coffins. Hope it torments my parents who've contributed to it all. Fuck the religious poor. Sterilize them all.

 

[lonelyrealist]

I'm about to invest in the gas mask valve thing. I'm just overwhelmed by the types of masks, valves etc.. (why are there so many options, I need the right one and it needs to be a one and done thing) If only this wasn't such a taboo thing and I could just pay someone to off myself in a more convenient, accessible manner. Life should be an option.

 

[Source Energy]

I chose the second. If I had N I would be good to go. Read the mega SN thread and debating. I'll probably end up with it. (anyone can pm me what CCS means? I just know it ships within the Us which would be better than IC). My life got so f-up that even if it gets better, with the traumas I got, I will be marked forever. I will never be able to forget. Sooner or later, I will c.t.b.

 

[living once]

Once I get SN I'm ready

 

[Bardo]

Depends on two factors:

1) Completion of a highly personal historical, archival project. I'd be a sorely pissed off ghost if I didn't fulfill this. This comes before all else.

2) Physical debilitation worsening

3) Financial security/insecurity

All considered, and allowing for affairs to get wrapped up, a bit over a year I'd say. reading a lot of meditation/contemplation/philosophy to get ready for the voyage. I should probably pack a snack too.

 

[itsallpointless]

If I can muster the courage to put myself before my parents, instantly.

 

[jjl94]

I get annoyed that I'm constantly in the same cycle of thinking.

I want to die, but then I feel guilt for my daughter, my Nan who would probably find me and how upset/guilty they'd feel which I don't want.
so I feel very stuck in a life I don't want to live in, I want to just be free