How close are you to CTB

[Cinno]

How close are you to CTB

I would say I'm pretty close. I'm planning on doing it in December.

 

[IWTD]

Closer for every day that passes

I think I'm going to pick a date. A date that has significance to the people I care about. I've never picked a date before it was always just spur of the moment and turned out a failure.

 

[Mjølnir]

I think I'm going to pick a date. A date that has significance to the people I care about. I've never picked a date before it was always just spur of the moment and turned out a failure.

If that is how you want it to be then it is probably right for you. Personally I'd prefer to have a solid method which I can use when I feel the time is right for me. Remember it's your life, and only you have the right to decide when it will end.

 

[IWTD]

If that is how you want it to be then it is probably right for you. Personally I'd prefer to have a solid method which I can use when I feel the time is right for me. Remember it's your life, and only you have the right to decide when it will end.

I meant No significance to my love ones.

 

[Ligottian]

Waiting for that last trauma.

 

[Sepultura]

I'm pretty close to CTB. This world is really fucked up

 

[Nolife62]

Doing it now only thing left is drinking the SN.. good bye and thanks

 

[Everlong]

I'm warming up to the idea of the Frost Moon 2022.
NaNO2 and roll out of a kayak…for good measure. I have commitments through October which prevents my poetic end in my birth month. I can't see another holiday.

My SN arrived yesterday but wish I had N. I'm waiting off on mid April still. Want to finalize a few projects. I just hate having waited so long for the SN since my emotions shift. Right now I don't feel as bad as I did a few weeks ago, although my personal situation isn't any better.

I think as I've read around this forum, knowing that my SN has just arrived has relaxed me a lot more, it makes me feel like I have more control of my life somehow, that if I can't handle anything anymore I know it's there.

Strange how suicide has comforted me through the worst moments for 30 years while friends and family can't reach me. I do think that's it. The only control in my life is the ability to end it. Everything else crumbles. Just ordered my SN today. Burdens faded a bit.

 

[paleperson]

I think I am a month or two out which feels very close to me. I've been depressed for a long time, and have been seeking treatment for years. Recently I've started seeing things that I think may not be there which has caused me to speed up the timeline.

 

[Obliviate]

In my last semester of college, figured I might as well graduate, and then I'm out.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Not preciscely sure yet, but very likely before the end of the year. I am holding on for one very tentative reason and once that last piece falls into place, I will be ready.

 

[foggy]

Sunday is my day.

 

[Sourdough]

How close are you to CTB

Unpractical atm with high desire. No way to get N, SN seems too nonresearched and scary for me , can't buy ammunition legally, trouble finding opiates. Looking for a good way out and also waiting for my suffering to get so bad that it drowns out my pesky and stubborn SI

 

[outovhere]

Closer and closer each day, assembling the things I need. Hoping the process won't be too long.

 

[Hope:-)]

I'm attempting an attempt in 3 days. x

 

[Lonerzepam]

Ready to go the coming month but I'm not sure how I'll handle extreme anxiety. Already having panic attacks a month prior.

Maybe some benzos would do the job

How close are you to CTB

I'm just waiting for all my supplies to arrive, write a few notes, find a place to SN ctb and then I'm hopefully outta here. I think all the 3 above listed steps will be harder to actually ctb. I'm so fucking tired and I just wanna go home.

 

[Sick&TiredURGH]

A month and five days now. Changed the date a bit but it's still relevant to my obsession with the number 7.

 

[Hurt]

I don't even have a good plan but I am feeling suicidal 24/7. It sucks.

 

[NeverEndingPain]

Method tested and pretty confident of my set up. Now it's to wait until the urge is strong and the SI is low.

 

[lonelyrealist]

I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I wish Pegasos was a viable option for me but I'm only 30 and without any ailments aside from depression. I know Pegasos won't take me. I could get SN. I almost bought it the other day but I really like the idea of doing it "legally". Everything is controlled, I just throw the drink back and go to sleep. If I do it myself, I'm scared of something not going right. How do I know if the SN is strong enough? I don't know who to trust on sources. Then I have to go to the doctor to get an antiemetic prescribed. I know I want to try to get rid of all my belongings before I do it so nobody has to clean my apartment out. I'll have to give notice and make up a story about moving or something so my landlord and people at work aren't left high and dry. It sounds like a lot of work. I don't know, I guess I'm not depressed enough to do it myself just yet either.

 

[IWTD]

I'm hoping and currently waiting for the bus. Trying a lethal dose of Coreg. Took it 20 mins ago. Hopefully this works. I'm tired

 

[Forever Sleep]

Got the method prepared. Now just waiting for circumstances to be right.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

In limbo. I want to CTB because I won't ever have a body and upbringing I want, but guilt uncertainty of what comes after death and laziness are holding me back.

 

[IWTD]

I'm hoping and currently waiting for the bus. Trying a lethal dose of Coreg. Took it 20 mins ago. Hopefully this works. I'm tired

I feel like shit but I'm not dead (yet) I'm thinking fentanyl if this doesn't work.

 

[don't want it]

CTB I want this so badly This is my only hope in life is to succeed I never want to fail my family you know or be paralyzed or fail and be disappointed it's really my only hope

 

[TimetoGo!]

I selected the first option. I have everything ready (method, note, details). I am desperately looking for care options for my dog

thats one of my hardest decisions....my gorgeous dog who never leaves my side and is 100% loyal to me. letting him down will be so hard. humans can learn a lot from dogs

 

[feels_like_rain]

I am sure of my decision to end my life but I am waiting some time for now. There are things I need to be here for.

I was going to say this. I have SN and antiemetics, but my plan to ctb is so far away, i'm afraid my stuff will expire. I have enough important things to live for currently and i won't do it until i'm absolutely ready.

HOWEVER it's on my mind all of the time. It brings me comfort when i'm having a bad time, to think that i DO have an easy way out. Even if i'm not actually about to do it.

 

[Fulminare]

Next week

 

[vultureilse]

i wanna die very very badly but i dont have a method sadly. if i could get partial to work id be already gone

 

[intothedark]

I very nearly succeeded in ctb in January 2021. Benzos and alcohol, hyperventilate and then quickly double-bagged my head with two airtight bags and sealed with tight duct tape around my neck.

I had less SI than I thought (SI is always the problem with this method… it's thought that you'll claw the bag off if you don't bind your hands). But surprisingly, after the initial panicky oh-my-god-I-can't-breathe moments, I relaxed and felt a wave of almost euphoric peacefulness wash over me. It was amazing.

By some fluke I was found. I was in my car, lights off, in the middle of nowhere, but a farmer happened to be visiting out of season and for some reason was awake at 3 am and saw my car near his land. I was revived.

Coming SO CLOSE to ctb and being found, and then having to basically start my life over again, made me overly paranoid of attempting and failing again. That's why I'm here… researching different methods (I'm having trouble deciding) and making sure precautions are taken so there aren't any mistakes. I don't know. I feel like I'm constantly overthinking it.

I'm leaning heavily towards SN over a gun (more peaceful, and I know someone who used a gun and failed… horrifying) but can't source any yet.

Thanks for reading my random dump sesh.