how can it ever be possible to keep living when you know you will spend your whole life in forced, complete isolation.

[Kokonoe]

title. i've been alone my whole life, and i always will be. no partner, no friends, nothing. no matter what i've tried over the years. it's clearly not in my control. if i am to continue living, it's going to be in complete and total isolation for the rest of my life, and i have to just accept that.

my question is, how is that even possible? i always hear that humans are social creatures. we literally cannot live alone, it's part of our biology. if we're isolated it practically drives us insane and isn't even remotely sustainable. we *have* to have people in our lives, we are *forced* to. there is absolutely nothing we can do to control or fight against that.
but unlike most people, i am also forced to be completely isolated for all of my life. is it even possible to survive this? am i just doomed to be forced to ctb because my own biology won't allow the only lifestyle this world will give me? anytime i think about getting better, and continuing to live, i have to confront this train of thought again, and it makes it feel like living is impossible for someone like me.

 

[itsgone2]

I'm alone too. Slowly pushed everyone away. I guess this is what I wanted?
No. I'm in hell. Sounds like you are as well. Really wish there was an easy way

 

[AsexualBarbieBoy]

Being lonely and feeling isolated does make the urge to ctb stronger

 

[ctb_warrior]

title. i've been alone my whole life, and i always will be. no partner, no friends, nothing. no matter what i've tried over the years. it's clearly not in my control. if i am to continue living, it's going to be in complete and total isolation for the rest of my life, and i have to just accept that.

my question is, how is that even possible? i always hear that humans are social creatures. we literally cannot live alone, it's part of our biology. if we're isolated it practically drives us insane and isn't even remotely sustainable. we *have* to have people in our lives, we are *forced* to. there is absolutely nothing we can do to control or fight against that.
but unlike most people, i am also forced to be completely isolated for all of my life. is it even possible to survive this? am i just doomed to be forced to ctb because my own biology won't allow the only lifestyle this world will give me? anytime i think about getting better, and continuing to live, i have to confront this train of thought again, and it makes it feel like living is impossible for someone like me.

I have witnessed something in my life. When I act all confident and positive, I attract a lot of people in my life.
I get good feedback also. The moment they come to know that I'm depressed and suicidal, they run away from me as if I'm a zombie who's going to eat them away
If I quote the latest example, I was interviewed rigorously for a project. 5 rounds of grilling, all of them liked my nature and my knowledge. I got excellent feedback. Unfortunately, one of the Sundays, i got a panic attack and I informed them that I'm going in emergency. Just in case I had to get admitted to the hospital and my phone battery died so atleast they'd be aware. The emergency folks in the hospital didn't diagnose it properly, they said it's gastric disorder and were bent upon giving me an injection for that. I strongly said no and later on, i went to a psychiatrist who confirmed that it was a panic attack. She gave me some benzos. I told her that I'm resistant to that benzo still she didn't change it.
I reached home and i took a lot of tablets of that benzo assuming that it'll not work on me. I was out after an hour. I lost my senses. I told my manager and colleague that I'm suicidal when i was not in my senses i don't even remember i told them.
After that day, they started ghosting me badly even when i was back to my senses.
They haven't replied to me ever since and they released me from that project also. That was good riddance though. I didn't like that project.
So, if we look at this, if you want people in your life, act all confident and positive and people will get pulled by your charisma. If the existing ones know you are depressed or wish to ctb, nothing can bring them back. Only after we ctb, they'll pop out and say that they could have helped if we approached them.. Or may be they'll say that we deserved this fate. Who knows

 

[unluckysadness]

I can relate like no one else here. I'm forced to being isoltaed too. This is my experience of extreme isolation. It may help you to feel less alone.

My 5 year extreme isolation story

This is probably one of the saddest stories you'll read here on SaSu, but this is my miserable "life" since 2021. I need to say that I was always very solitary, but isolation is another thing... Now I know I'm neurodivergent and 90% probably autistic, so I understand things better. I won't talk...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[MrJoker789]

Me too
I almost never leave my apartment
However. You do have the internet. There's possibilities to make real connections.
I know it will never be completely the same, but it can still be really meaningful.
I used to not even want to voice chat with people in games and such. I have a lot of social anxiety and such
But I made a friend for this past year that I talk to every day on discord and talk a lot with on voice chat
We play games, watch movies together etc
And yeah it has really given me a lot of needed social interaction.
I have thought a lot less about killing myself this past year, that's for sure
Untill recently again, where I've had a lot of shit to deal with in my life
There's lots of other lonely people out there too who also wants a friend, it can be difficult to find eachother though
But I hope you find a way to connect with someone
IRL or just online

 

[LRkin]

So, if we look at this, if you want people in your life, act all confident and positive and people will get pulled by your charisma. If the existing ones know you are depressed or wish to ctb, nothing can bring them back.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;

It's just the way it is.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;

It's just the way it is.

Wow, soo nicely expressed!!
It's sooo true..

 

[LRkin]

Wow, soo nicely expressed!!
It's sooo true..

It's "Solitude" by Ella W. Wilcox, and yes, it's so true

 

[ctb_warrior]

It's "Solitude" by Ella W. Wilcox, and yes, it's so true

Thanks for sharing

 

[Kokonoe]

Me too
I almost never leave my apartment
However. You do have the internet. There's possibilities to make real connections.
I know it will never be completely the same, but it can still be really meaningful.
I used to not even want to voice chat with people in games and such. I have a lot of social anxiety and such
But I made a friend for this past year that I talk to every day on discord and talk a lot with on voice chat
We play games, watch movies together etc
And yeah it has really given me a lot of needed social interaction.
I have thought a lot less about killing myself this past year, that's for sure
Untill recently again, where I've had a lot of shit to deal with in my life
There's lots of other lonely people out there too who also wants a friend, it can be difficult to find eachother though
But I hope you find a way to connect with someone
IRL or just online

that has never worked out for me either. every online friend i have had leaves me very quickly. there's nothing i can do about it. trust me, i've tried.
when i say it's involuntary isolation, i do quite literally mean it's involuntary. nothing i try has ever worked for my entire life. i either accept being alone or ctb. and this thread has really made reminded me that the only real option i have is to just ctb. people like me don't get to exist, apparently.

 

[delinquentsandwich]

being incompatible with the world and everyone on it is the most demoralizing feeling
thinking that maybe I could even find reason in living through another person
I have tried my best, I guess