Help how can i start becoming independent from my family?

[violetforever]

its going to kill me if i stay even another year with my family. im almost 25 and ive been watching the years pass as i do nothing in life because of my strict and abusive family. relying on them comes with so many limits that its sheltered and depressed me.

my mom did threaten to kick me out before. i dont even remember why, probably because i spoke up about her awful parenting. i was like 19 or 20. she told me to go pack my things and leave so i started doing that. she came into my room and laughed in my face and told me to stop because i have nowhere else to go. i wish i started seriously planning to get away at that moment. instead, i let my depression take over and regressed back into a timid child from trauma and fear of entering adulthood because i was never prepared. so much time and possibilities that arent coming back. im starting to think my mom would prefer that i remain here and continue being miserable and never get my life together like her. she really isnt on my side and she never has been. that thought is so scary.

i want to know where to even start because thats how dependent i am. i know school comes first and i set myself up for failure if i leave before im done with it, which is in december. id rather skip out on transferring to a university bc that means still being dependent. i just cant take another 4 years of my family. i'll get my license and a car and start working and saving money as soon as i can. im tired of saying it, i should already have all of that by now.

is it realistic to get away from here by the beginning of next year? i know i have a lot to do and learn. its worse because i am on my own with no friends or support in person. i wouldnt accept help anyways, i dont trust people because they always want something in return and hold it over your head. my family taught me that. right now everything feels so difficult and out of reach that i just want to ctb. i think ill give myself the rest of this year and if im not where i want to be then i give up.

 

[Forveleth]

i wouldnt accept help anyways, i dont trust people because they always want something in return and hold it over your head. my family taught me that.

Your family taught you this because this is probably what they are like. Many, many people will be more than happy to help you without an expectation of anything (or very little) in return and they certainly will not hold it over your head. If you are trying to break free of your family while having not much to go with, you are most likely going to need help. Being comfortable accepting the generosity of others will be an important part of your journey.

Outside of that, learning basic budgeting is very important. Learn the basics of how to calculate the cost of your monthly bills and the discipline to not spend money you do not have on things you absolutely do not need. Some basic cooking skills will help A LOT. Ordering food is expensive compared to cooking at home which will allow you to afford living away from home much more easily.

 

[violetforever]

Your family taught you this because this is probably what they are like. Many, many people will be more than happy to help you without an expectation of anything (or very little) in return and they certainly will not hold it over your head. If you are trying to break free of your family while having not much to go with, you are most likely going to need help. Being comfortable accepting the generosity of others will be an important part of your journey.

ur right. ive only been offered support from one person but im paranoid about how genuine it is because of what im used to.

Outside of that, learning basic budgeting is very important. Learn the basics of how to calculate the cost of your monthly bills and the discipline to not spend money you do not have on things you absolutely do not need. Some basic cooking skills will help A LOT. Ordering food is expensive compared to cooking at home which will allow you to afford living away from home much more easily.

thank u <3 i pretty much practice these habits already since i grew up poor. i dont eat fast food or much of anything in general so im not worried about that. i used to rely on a shopping addiction to feel better but looking at what its done to my mom made me stop. its just a distraction with a lot of disadvantages.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

@Forveleth gave some very valuable advice already, not sure if i can add something...

But i was very young when I left home, and didn't know anything. How to pay a bill, cook, clean etc.

It's very difficult in this day in age to find housing, it's very expensive to live on your own, it's not only rent, but also insurance, phone/internet, utilities and depending on where you live ( or what kind of place you find) yearly stuff like city tax )

Trying to accept help might be worth trying..it's not easy in the beginning especially if you're all on your own.