Help how can I provide as much comfort as possible to my family?

[ecmnesia]

I choose a method, made up my mind and strating tomorrow will acquire the stuff I need.

I've reflected a lot on the matter and although I wish I could prevent my loved ones pain, as much as I don't want them to suffer, I cannot avoid and postpone cbt anymore.

I'm aware that it is impossible to not hurt them in the process, but I'd like to do as much as I can to minimize their pain. What can I do in order to make them understand my decision without blaming themselves? What and how should I address them on the farewell notes?

I already decided that I will travel with them one last time next week, and that I'm going to make this family trip as joyful as possible for them to keep good memories. Also I'm putting up my best mask to sound happy and better these last few days, so I won't raise any flags.

I know it doesn't make up for my selfish decision, but I've made peace with it. I will be selfish, i suck, but that's ok. Unfortunately, their pain is something I'm willing to sacrifice so I don't have to endure this hell anymore.

I will do it in a hotel room, so that my brothers/parents don't find my body, but what else can I do for them?

 

[Donewiyhitall]

Nothing. If your not going to do it in a place that your family has to be around see or live in, I don't know what you could do different. Best to you!!

 

[Ghost2211]

It sounds like you're doing most of what you can to make the process easier for them. The only other thing I can think of is personal note to help them understand why this happened, and hopefully help them not blame themselves.

 

[InterstateFlowers]

I've been going through the same issue because I love my family very much. Like you, I don't want their last memory to be of a dead me so I'll ctb away from their eyes. My note to my mom is over 5 pages and 3/4 of it is comforting her. I've even mentioned broken heart syndrome (takotsubo cardiomyopathy) to her in case and to check up on her health if it's hard to breathe for over a few days. Maybe little things like that can help? I'm sorry you're going through this. Accepting that you're going to hurt your family is the hardest part besides the ctb itself.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

Take lots of happy photos and videos with them during this time! They might associate the vacation with negative feelings forever, because of how close it'll be to your ctb. So seeing pictures of you from that time might become traumatizing to them. Having more neutrally timed photos will be good in case they want to remember your smile without getting those guilty feelings like, "why did I enjoy vacation so much and not notice how much they were suffering?"

Inside some of the resources in the Megathread (I think Five Last Acts), there's some info about writing a good note. Usually the goal is to just explain your situation objectively, don't blame or portray too much guilt. They will feel at fault either way, but if you say "I'm sorry" a lot and "this happened because of this thing you did," theyre more likely to feel horribly guilty. Emphasize that this is a rational decision you made, that they had no influence over it, that you love them and feel thankful. Be clear and concise so that there's little to speculate about. Of course this part is completely up to you, but if you're writing the note purely for the sake of your family, then its something to consider.

I think having your final affairs in order would be good too. Have your will set up clearly, and leave it easy to find. Organizing a funeral and all will be so stresssful. It'll depend on your family, but maybe you'll want a tombstone ready or a preferred funeral home or church or something. It's one less thing for them to worry about, and being clear will prevent a lot of angry situations as well. After all, the last thing anyone wants to deal with during a sudden loss is fights over what kind of casket to get or whether you would've wanted to be buried naturally or cremated or whatever.

Overall, it seems you really care for them and that you are already doing your best to relieve their sadness in advance. That's a very thoughtful and considerate thing to do.

 

[InterstateFlowers]

Take lots of happy photos and videos with them during this time! They might associate the vacation with negative feelings forever, because of how close it'll be to your ctb. So seeing pictures of you from that time might become traumatizing to them. Having more neutrally timed photos will be good in case they want to remember your smile without getting those guilty feelings like, "why did I enjoy vacation so much and not notice how much they were suffering?"

Inside some of the resources in the Megathread (I think Five Last Acts), there's some info about writing a good note. Usually the goal is to just explain your situation objectively, don't blame or portray too much guilt. They will feel at fault either way, but if you say "I'm sorry" a lot and "this happened because of this thing you did," theyre more likely to feel horribly guilty. Emphasize that this is a rational decision you made, that they had no influence over it, that you love them and feel thankful. Be clear and concise so that there's little to speculate about. Of course this part is completely up to you, but if you're writing the note purely for the sake of your family, then its something to consider.

I think having your final affairs in order would be good too. Have your will set up clearly, and leave it easy to find. Organizing a funeral and all will be so stresssful. It'll depend on your family, but maybe you'll want a tombstone ready or a preferred funeral home or church or something. It's one less thing for them to worry about, and being clear will prevent a lot of angry situations as well. After all, the last thing anyone wants to deal with during a sudden loss is fights over what kind of casket to get or whether you would've wanted to be buried naturally or cremated or whatever.

Overall, it seems you really care for them and that you are already doing your best to relieve their sadness in advance. That's a very thoughtful and considerate thing to do.

Really, really good advice that I'm going to follow too! Thank you for writing all this! Definitely following your advice on the picture one and already did everything you wrote for my notes. Especially made sure to let my parents know I didn't care about a fancy funeral or open-casket and wanted something as cheap as possible and not anything that's too big a financial burden. I also recommended them to cremate me because it might be cheaper. Thank you again!!

 

[FuneralCry]

Maybe writing an detailed note will give them closure. At least then they will know you'll be at peace rather than suffering.

 

[ecmnesia]

thanks a lot for the aswers guys, I'd like to reply each of you individually, unfortunately as of today i do not have the strenght to do so.

to be honest, I postponed saying this the whole day cause I'm ashamed to admit, after writing this post, after joining this forum and all, that once again right after I made up my mind something came up, "forcing" me to delay my so called "cbt decision" one more time. I'm sorry for wasting your efforts on this post, I'm truly sorry for not sticking to something i freely stated that I'd do.

for whom it may concern, my father finally accepted his mental illness and began treatment, his feeling like shit, and since he is more opened up than me, keeps talking about how he feels to my family, how he wants to drop out, how he's not feeling as himself, and thus rising red warning flags at home. everyone is utterly shocked, condemning themselves for something they have no choice upon. considering this, i don't have the heart to cbt right now, i can't help but be worried for them. the truth kicked me in the face, they won't handle it, I would ruin them.

 

[InterstateFlowers]

Hey, it's totally fine! I don't have the energy to type sometimes so I too hope the emojis are taken to heart. It's completely understandable that your delayed your ctb decision. The community doesn't look down on you and whatever time works for you is best for all of us. It's nice your father opened up with how he's feeling and I agree if you ctbed at the same time, it would break your family even more just because of how dad's feeling. Maybe I'm naive and wrong because I lack experience so please correct me if so. I've delayed my ctb for years now because I'm still coming to terms with leaving my family and losing them physically. There's nothing wrong with postponing ctb day to comfort and just be there for your family. It's lovely that you're being selfless to be there for your family and noticing all the red flags. If you feel like venting and need someone to talk to, feel free to pm me.