Family making triggering comments on how much I eat

[bakkikak]

Before I start, if there are any recovering anorexics reading here, this might be a little bit triggering as I'm going to talk about things that my family said to me this week, which have really triggered me. I have been living alone for the past 5 years, ever since I turned 19. I went to visit my family over at wednesday, as they were celebrating my brother's birthday. They know that I have an eating disorder, but they don't know about me considering recovery, I haven't had the guts to tell them yet. I don't know if that has anything to do with what they said, but I guess it's worth mentioning. I stayed there for lunch, my father have made pork tenderloin with fries, and since he always makes the best meals, I decided to eat it whole - well, I had a small portion, but I think it still counts as a success. I felt horrible after finishing, scared that I'm gonna gain weight, even though I know it's impossible. I have said to myself that I'm gonna try and ignore the disordered thoughts though. I guess my family didn't quite understand that the comments on the food I eat and on my body can be really triggering (even though I told them MULTIPLE times), because my brother just watched me eat the whole thing and then straight up said: "Damn, she's gonna turn fat like us.". None of my family members are overweight, so I guess maybe he was pointing out my thoughts and how I'm scared of gaining weight? I have no idea what he meant, whether he tried to make a joke, or to trigger me, I truly don't know anymore. After that, my father joined in with him saying he wasn't expecting me to eat so much food, which AGAIN made me feel even worse than I already was. I'm thinking that maybe they don't realise what they're saying is wrong, or they're purposely trying to trigger me? Especially my brother, because man, that left me stunned. It feels like no matter how much I try and tell them how I feel, they seem to forget about it. I have told them I don't like people making comments on me and what I eat in a day, yet they have still done it. I'm just so tired, it seems like everyone wants me to fail at everything, it seems like I should just give up and let the ilness take me out.
I'd love if you could share your thoughts on this,

Thank you.

 

[cali88]

Hello, I know this too well from my toxic family, they always do exactly the same shit. . usually the family helps you but unfortunately with mine I hate them all just because they think so toxic and are so homophobic