Help How can I cope with having no friends/no social life?

[Spite]

Title, pretty much. And by "no friends" I mean no IRL friends. I have a small handful of people online who I have never met IRL who I communicate with but that's about it.

At this point I'm convinced I will never have any meaningful real-life friendships. I've never had a close, genuine friendship in my entire life. Trust me, it will never happen. I'm just going to have to accept my fate that I will always be a friendless loser. Also, pretty much no-one is making new friends in their late 20s. Most people already have well-established social lives and friend circles and are not looking for new friends. Most people my age are also busy hustling and only have time to worry about themselves, which I can't blame them for.

Even if I were to somehow miraculously make new friends and get a social circle right now, it would always be awkward and it would feel "off" because I've never experienced a social connection like that before and I'm nearly 30. This is something that naturally develops in us when we are CHILDREN, and I completely missed out on it. I have missed out on one of the most fundamental aspects of being alive - friendship. It sounds almost unbelievable how anyone can go their entire lives without a single meaningful friendship, but I guess there is a very tiny amount of very unlucky people who do, and I'm one of them.

How do I cope with this? How do I stay sane? How do I embrace True Forced Loneliness? Can it be embraced?

 

[certified_idiot]

I've had imaginary friends for my entire life that I still talk to, even as an adult. Socialization becomes a lot easier when you can control the entire situation and the other person's responses. At this point, I'm so dissociated from reality that my imaginary friends feel more real than real people. I know this isn't a healthy solution, but it's better than just wallowing in your misery.

 

[wine is fine but]

you have already coped, which means that you are much stronger than you think you are

none of us have any idea what others are going through, but there is a good chance many people here have gone through what you have - many of us will feel we have

but you have already made it this far - you have already done the hard yards - life does get easier in many, many respects from your late 20's

and this will probably not help you if you claim to have none, but for me quality is always much more important than quantity. first off, you need to be your own best friend. be true to yourself first and foremost

 

[Aknu132]

Title, pretty much. And by "no friends" I mean no IRL friends. I have a small handful of people online who I have never met IRL who I communicate with but that's about it.

At this point I'm convinced I will never have any meaningful real-life friendships. I've never had a close, genuine friendship in my entire life. Trust me, it will never happen. I'm just going to have to accept my fate that I will always be a friendless loser. Also, pretty much no-one is making new friends in their late 20s. Most people already have well-established social lives and friend circles and are not looking for new friends. Most people my age are also busy hustling and only have time to worry about themselves, which I can't blame them for.

Even if I were to somehow miraculously make new friends and get a social circle right now, it would always be awkward and it would feel "off" because I've never experienced a social connection like that before and I'm nearly 30. That shit naturally develops in us when we are CHILDREN, and I completely missed out on it. I have missed out on one of the most fundamental aspects of being alive - friendship. It sounds almost unbelievable how anyone can go their entire lives without a single meaningful friendship, but I guess there is a very tiny amount of very unlucky people who do, and I'm one of them.

How do I cope with this? How do I stay sane? How do I embrace True Forced Loneliness? Can it be embraced?

I'm on the same situation, no real life profound friendship. i personally can't cope with this, it's one of the mains reasons for me to CTB too. I wish you the best, i understand how are you feeling, it's such a profound sadness.

 

[Yknot]

Maybe friendships are overrated. Most friends are dispensable and contact is superficial. People wear masks and hold poses to desperately fit in friend groups. Often I am more lonely in a group than by myself. Real connections are rare, don't think that everyone with so called friends has a better life than you. Try to love or at least accept yourself first. Be nice to other people. And who knows, you may actually meet somone you like.

 

[Spite]

Maybe friendships are overrated. Most friends are dispensable and contact is superficial. People wear masks and hold poses to desperately fit in friend groups. Often I am more lonely in a group than by myself. Real connections are rare, don't think that everyone with so called friends has a better life than you. Try to love or at least accept yourself first. Be nice to other people. And who knows, you may actually meet somone you like.

I've thought this to myself a few times, and, in a way you could be right. Friendships probably are overrated. A lot of people are fake and superficial, and probably a lot of the friendships I've observed are just barely held together with duct tape and aren't really genuine. I think I do need to learn to just be comfortable with myself and enjoy my own company, be my own best friend. Real connections are indeed rare.

Thank you for your post. It was a bit of an eye-opener.. I think I need to start with loving and accepting myself first, even if it's hard.

And thank you to everybody else who has posted in this thread too. I appreciate reading your responses.

 

[Jadotine]

As per other replies, I am sure that you have done well so far and that you can find some real connections

It may depend where you are from but I recently made a brand new circle of friends over meet ups so I feel like you can maybe try this?

Do you have any hobbies (board games/gaming/travelling etc.)? For example I initially met them over a board games meetup and over some weeks we became much closer.
We were all 20+ y.o so if you don't have social anxiety (or even if you do) I suggest to try that! But I do agree that making real friends when in your twenties and thirties is difficult, but it is possible

 

[thenextstory]

Hey, I'm in the same place as you, I know how hopeless it feels. I made one friend as an adult by going on a student exchange, now I've moved back home and I'm alone again. I miss that friend so much.

My strategy for the future is to change my environment again, and be around a bunch of other people who are entering a new environment (and thus looking to make friends). And using benzos/alcohol to loosen myself up and participate in social stuff. I'm still looking for the right opportunity since I'm no longer in school. Maybe grad school, idk.

If you find yourself in a social group, it will feel weird and unnatural so you have to fake it. Benzos or alcohol will make the faking it more tolerable. I know this isn't amazing advice but this is how I've coped.