Very very very badly, i feel trapped every day that goes on. I thought i was close to liberation after ordering Nembutal, but after 40days i still didn't get anything, probably the customs, starting to feel really really desperate and frustrated, especially that i have 0 second thought about killing myself, i'm sure of my decision and dead set on executing it, yet i still can't find any reliable method (guns are also illegal in my country). I would say 9/10 too.
If i had Nembutal i'd drink it right now, but i still wouldn't say 10/10 since that would be "jumping on the train level tonight, whatever the risks" and i'm still not willing to risk ending as a vegetable or getting caught in the tracks.