Discussion How are you preparing to CTB?

[UntitledUser]

What changes are you making in your life before ctb? Do you want to accomplish something before like a bucket list? Or you are simply waiting or getting stuff to CTB (e.g. SN)?

For example, I'm working to pay my debts before leaving. I want to read some books and watch some movies from my list. I also started to eliminate my trace on social media like TikTok, IG, and Facebook. But I don't know if I want to hang out for the last time with my sister, my dad or my best friends.

 

[gayboy300]

I want to clean my room before I go. I'm planning to disappear before I ctb, and I don't want my parents to have to go through the burden of cleaning my room once they get the news. I also don't want them to see how I've been living (depression room ) and I don't want them to learn any more about me than they already know, so I'll be finding something to do with my journals and maybe wiping my drives on all of my devices just in case they or the police try to get into them.

Why bother with paying debts before you ctb? I thought they just kinda disappear once your creditors get notice of your death.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Why bother with paying debts before you ctb? I thought they just kinda disappear once your creditors get notice of your death.

Your debt doesn't disappear once you're dead. Debt is inheritable and the heirs have to pay the debt if you cannot pay it back from your assets you're leaving behind. If the heirs already know they'd inherit debt it's better for them to reject the inheritance. If there's nothing to get the debt will have to be written off by the creditors. (local laws apply in such cases!)

 

[lawlietsph]

i think i'm really fucking empty at this point, as i don't wish to do anything.. like i just thought about this deeply now, and there is nothing. i have zero interests, no desires, nothing
wow :(

 

[UntitledUser]

I want to clean my room before I go. I'm planning to disappear before I ctb, and I don't want my parents to have to go through the burden of cleaning my room once they get the news. I also don't want them to see how I've been living (depression room ) and I don't want them to learn any more about me than they already know, so I'll be finding something to do with my journals and maybe wiping my drives on all of my devices just in case they or the police try to get into them.

Cleaning my room is smith that I did not consider but I should do it too. In my case they know about my depression but just like you, I don't want them to find anything or read my journals which would make me uncomfortable...but after ctb, nothing really matters isn't it?

Why bother with paying debts before you ctb? I thought they just kinda disappear once your creditors get notice of your death.

Your debt doesn't disappear once you're dead. Debt is inheritable and the heirs have to pay the debt if you cannot pay it back from your assets you're leaving behind. If the heirs already know they'd inherit debt it's better for them to reject the inheritance. If there's nothing to get the debt will have to be written off by the creditors. (local laws apply in such cases!)

It's true. Sadly financial matters can't disappear. Debts are the reason I prolonged my life because they can reassure my existence even when I'm dead. Reading the contracts of some of my credits I realized the f's can demand a pay from my father or my sister. Of course, just like Praestat_Mori said it vary across jurisdictions.

i think i'm really fucking empty at this point, as i don't wish to do anything.. like i just thought about this deeply now, and there is nothing. i have zero interests, no desires, nothing
wow :(

It's ok. Most of the time I feel the same. Sometimes I can't leave my bed and on weekends I spend time just staring at the ceiling. It's hard to do chores or hobbies. And that days I don't want to do anything to prepare before I go. There are days I can't even talk. On that days I wish to disappear more than ever, silently.

 

[camusfan_ig]

Personally, first thing I'll do is make a goodbye video n note. I was thinking of just making a note, but I think a video for my close friends n family will be nice too. Then after that, I will wait for a day when it will be all snowy outside. I'll go take a walk, listening to a prepared music playlist before hand. I'll go find a spot in a forest where I can hang easily. When it comes down to the last song in the playlist—Asleep by the Smiths—thats when I'll start preparing the nose, and hang it around my neck. Ideally, the last thing I'll hear is the quiet, soft music box that plays at the end of the song.

Only thing that I would rlly like to accomplish, is maybe tell the people I care abt how much I love them. All their good qualities, and if anything happens with me in the next few days, that they don't have to worry. That I want them to continue on with their life.

 

[hmnow]

I am just waiting for wave to take me out - when it is basically impuslive - I have given myself to be impulsive

 

[woofwag]

Like honestly probably too many things, but I'm dedicated to doing them to make this even a little bit easier for other people. Plus yeah ig there are some things I wanna do. Here's my list of kinda fun stuff:

- dye my hair rainbow again (doing tomorrow)
- finish sewing the FAR overdue plush for my bestie's birthday
- finish the poem/letter for my friend
- visit my friend and cats in my hometown, wander around a bit
- get fucked up on K again
- makeout with/get drunk with my friend lol
-

Spoiler: NSFW

[use the sex toy I spent $300 on lmaooo]

- endure Christmas w/my family

then the essentials:

- last will and testament
- schedule an Insta post suicide note so people don't think I just randomly ghosted them
- finish writing my notes
- delete all passwords for my phone/Google drive so people can freely see all my writing
- clean room
- finish taking care of my roomies' pets while they're on vacation

As you can see, it's quite the overwhelming list. Technically I don't have to do all of this (or really any of this), but I feel like I owe it to people. I definitely owe it to my friends. Ik they'll miss me a lot. And after being a disappointment my whole life, I want to at least minimize that in death.

 

[castlebravo]

Go skydiving. It's been on my bucket list forever. I'm worried they won't let me because I don't walk well and I wonder if I'll fail any physical tests needed to do a tandem jump. It would be my real last hurrah before acknowledging that I'm going to be disabled because of my nuero disease.

 

[UntitledUser]

Personally, first thing I'll do is make a goodbye video n note. I was thinking of just making a note, but I think a video for my close friends n family will be nice too. Then after that, I will wait for a day when it will be all snowy outside. I'll go take a walk, listening to a prepared music playlist before hand. I'll go find a spot in a forest where I can hang easily. When it comes down to the last song in the playlist—Asleep by the Smiths—thats when I'll start preparing the nose, and hang it around my neck. Ideally, the last thing I'll hear is the quiet, soft music box that plays at the end of the song.

Only thing that I would rlly like to accomplish, is maybe tell the people I care abt how much I love them. All their good qualities, and if anything happens with me in the next few days, that they don't have to worry. That I want them to continue on with their life.

I can see that you truly care about your love beings. It's hard to prepare notes or videos after ctb, so I admire your decisions. I've never listened carefully to The Smiths (I should). I hope the best, whatever the outcome is.

Like honestly probably too many things, but I'm dedicated to doing them to make this even a little bit easier for other people. Plus yeah ig there are some things I wanna do. Here's my list of kinda fun stuff:

- dye my hair rainbow again (doing tomorrow)
- finish sewing the FAR overdue plush for my bestie's birthday
- finish the poem/letter for my friend
- visit my friend and cats in my hometown, wander around a bit
- get fucked up on K again
- makeout with/get drunk with my friend lol
-

Spoiler: NSFW

[use the sex toy I spent $300 on lmaooo]

- endure Christmas w/my family

then the essentials:

- last will and testament
- schedule an Insta post suicide note so people don't think I just randomly ghosted them
- finish writing my notes
- delete all passwords for my phone/Google drive so people can freely see all my writing
- clean room
- finish taking care of my roomies' pets while they're on vacation

As you can see, it's quite the overwhelming list. Technically I don't have to do all of this (or really any of this), but I feel like I owe it to people. I definitely owe it to my friends. Ik they'll miss me a lot. And after being a disappointment my whole life, I want to at least minimize that in death.

Its a great list. I know how it feels to be a disappointment, it's hard. But it is lovely to see that you want to share last days with yourself and with your friends and family. I hope you can check the items you want more.

Last year, I scheduled a Insta DM for my besties and since I survived they almost read that. Hopefully I was able to deactivate the DM (-.-) before the date.

Btw, would be nice if you let us read your writing.