Venting Hopefully, my last week.

[deepsweetdiver]

Not one thing has got better in my life. I've only been more depressed, more scared, more suicidal. Rumors are spreading back at my college that I'm practically the school pervert- talking about getting off in class, stealing my friend's underwear, dumb things like that. There's no proof for it, but somehow so many people believe it and my friend has refused to say anything about it. I don't even want to see any of their faces now.

I'm done living. I don't want help now. Everything has gotten worse, and my psychiatrist won't give me anymore of my sertraline, so now those feelings have been amplified. I don't even know how I've bothered this long. I wanted to be an adoptive mother and not bring any of my pain into my kid's lives. I wanted to be a musician, a fashion designer, an actress, all these things, but it means nothing if I'm basically a living husk of someone I used to be. I wanted all my family's lives to be great, but it just can't be possible. I don't care if it hurts them. I want to leave this hellhole.

 

[Freebandzgang]

I get you. I have so many dreams in my life that i wont ever be able to achieve. I suffer every day just to survive how tf am i supposed to do anything more. Im gonna ctb next week.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

Why the fuck wouldn't your psych give more septraline?

 

[deepsweetdiver]

Why the fuck wouldn't your psych give more septraline?

I can barely understand why, he made it very vague but from all I can understand is that he wants me to swap to a different med but I'll need to stop taking my sertraline. I wouldn't mind too much besides the fact its been weeks without an appointment, call, anything from him and that was the only thing keeping me somewhat stable

 

[SomewhatLoved]

I can barely understand why, he made it very vague but from all I can understand is that he wants me to swap to a different med but I'll need to stop taking my sertraline. I wouldn't mind too much besides the fact its been weeks without an appointment, call, anything from him and that was the only thing keeping me somewhat stable

maybe you should try to reach out to him? it's shitty it has to be that way but maybe it'll help you. You deserve better and the system sucks - I know that firsthand.

 

[deepsweetdiver]

maybe you should try to reach out to him? it's shitty it has to be that way but maybe it'll help you. You deserve better and the system sucks - I know that firsthand.

I have tried, but its always that I need to schedule an appointment, and the only available ones are still weeks away. Can't go to a psych ward for medicine either because that will put me in some hellish debt. I hate how healthcare is.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

I have tried, but its always that I need to schedule an appointment, and the only available ones are still weeks away. Can't go to a psych ward for medicine either because that will put me in some hellish debt. I hate how healthcare is.

I understand. I've thought about going to a ward too but working in healthcare, I know for a fact it wouldn't be beneficial. The state of healthcare is shit for so many right now.

I hope you're able to find peace - whatever that may mean.