Fuck, i'm back.
As i was multiple times. Since the last time i was here, i had some fun days. I got throught my day hoping about the next weekend, about the next romance. Thinking that... Maybe i'm finally gonna make it. Daydreaming can be a great escape from reality. But i didn't make it this time, so my hope is now gone, and it's like falling from an hypotetical bridge to a promising Future and back to the gutter where i always was.
I've read and heard about living without hope, Camus, buddhism. But to me, living without hope is simply being depressed. I'm addicted to hope, and like any addiction, it's a miserable rollecoaster.
Sometimes i wish simply to become hopeless for long enough so i could get the courage to make my decision.
As i was multiple times. Since the last time i was here, i had some fun days. I got throught my day hoping about the next weekend, about the next romance. Thinking that... Maybe i'm finally gonna make it. Daydreaming can be a great escape from reality. But i didn't make it this time, so my hope is now gone, and it's like falling from an hypotetical bridge to a promising Future and back to the gutter where i always was.
I've read and heard about living without hope, Camus, buddhism. But to me, living without hope is simply being depressed. I'm addicted to hope, and like any addiction, it's a miserable rollecoaster.
Sometimes i wish simply to become hopeless for long enough so i could get the courage to make my decision.
