Story homeless after ""attempt""

[BlooUntoMew]

Last August I was going to shoot myself in the head with a 9mm pistol. I tried talking myself into pulling the trigger, but I couldn't because I was afraid I would end up slowly dying from blood loss instead of destroying my brainstem. I ended up calling 988 and was sent to a psych ward for a couple weeks. I'd started uploading a video note prior to the ""attempt"" and thought it had failed, so I didn't stop the upload. I basically released a tell all to my family and all my old friends that I never intended to stick around to see the repercussions of. I found out halfway through my stay in the hospital and kind of went psychotic and started hurting myself a bunch. When I got out, I took a camping trip as a last hurrah before trying to overdose but some family talked me out of it and convinced me to quit my job and drop everything to move closer to them. It turned out that this family member only wanted to sleep with me and I've been left without a place to stay or any income aside from state assistance. I lost everything and found out I'm too scared to follow through with one of the most effective methods. Now I'm on a ton of medications and feel more levelled out, but the hole I've dug for myself seems inescapable and that's kind of dragging me back down. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. At this point all I really want to do is get messed up on whatever I can get my hands on. I've been thinking about trying to give myself alcohol poisoning or overdose on some sort of opioid, but those have their own downsides. I'm at a loss and I feel hopeless and also stupid for thinking that a video note was a good idea.

 

[Worndown]

Since your story is out, is there a way to use it? They know you were in a terrible place and came close to shooting yourself.
Today you are more leveled off. That is good. Use this fact to your advantage. Own it.
That was then and this is now. Be open. Eventually some will ask questions. Answer them.
Educate them on how deep and dark the hole was. Share the challenges of today.

We do not shun people that broke their leg. We should be open to people that were broken in a different way.

I hope you can work through this.

 

[Ferreter]

You're not stupid and I'm sorry for what you went through, that's a terrible situation to face. During this time, be kind to yourself, you deserve at least that much. From what I know on here both OD'ing and alcohol poisoning would just hurt you more than anything, and should not be attempted.