Holy Shit I DONT WANT TO DIE.

[RhapsodyinBerserk]

Turns out I have intense suicidal obsession, but that probably comes from my OCD. I may fantasize about death, but when push comes to shove, I don't actually want to die. The idea of killing myself scares the damn hell out of me. I have no valid reason to, I have a good (not great), life, and things can get better for me. I have intense, almost intrusive thoughts about suicide, but death can't naturally be the end for me, can it?

 

[uniqueusername39]

glad for you to have realized this. think you can redirect that obsession elsewhere, maybe like a hobby?

 

[Source Energy]

Death can and IS naturally the end for everybody. But I get what you're saying. A lot of people don't really want to die, they want the pain to stop. Hang in there and give it your best then.

 

[RhapsodyinBerserk]

Yeah, I suffer from Harm OCD which gives me intrusive thoughts about harming myself, so I need intensive treatment for the OCD in order to get better. I was obsessing over renting a hotel room and just overdose on 6000 mg DXM cough medicine. I actually have the pills right now and my brain constantly tells me it's my last day alive.

 

[shadow_moses]

I don't want to die necessarily either. Or really I don't idealize death. I have constant dreams of a happy life. But it's just not possible with who I am. Its not just about wanting things to be better, its about wanting to not be yourself entirely.

 

[sadToast]

you're not alone. i constantly feel this way and find myself thinking about it. redirecting the thoughts is tough as well i find myself easily triggered by certain things and it puts me right back in the same loop

 

[SoftWorries]

You can live a very long life wanting to die. This is something that I'm coming to terms with. If I continue to live I'll probably always want to die. I think that's okay

It's okay to just keep living the way you are. You can always share these feelings with people on here who understand. You don't need to hide these thoughts or emotions on here. You're in good company

 

[Vizzy]

This topic should be in recovery section!

 

[jorheslen428]

You should probably be in the recovery section. Most people here have made up their minds or are leaning towards suicide.

What you're describing sounds a lot like pure o (pure ocd), which can be improved with mindfulness, exposure therapy, and certain medications if you decide to go that route (please thoroughly research the side effects, though, some can can be permanent like anhedonia, emotional blunting, and cognitive dysfunction. Lookup pssd.)

 

[OceanBlue]

Disappearing altogether is a very strange phenomenon, how much dread you feel over this depends on how well your brain shields you from death anxiety. But it's likely your experience of consciousnes will end once your body dies.

I find it terrifying and I know it will still happen without my consent, death is the only way out and we're herded towards the exit. I find it unfair and don't support imposing life/death on others.

 

[charlotte_]

Sorry that you're experiencing this. It must feel really tiring and confusing at the same time. But I'm glad you're realizing it isn't your option just yet. I hope you the best. CTB should always be a last option.

 

[girlsboysthems]

Turns out I have intense suicidal obsession, but that probably comes from my OCD. I may fantasize about death, but when push comes to shove, I don't actually want to die. The idea of killing myself scares the damn hell out of me. I have no valid reason to, I have a good (not great), life, and things can get better for me. I have intense, almost intrusive thoughts about suicide, but death can't naturally be the end for me, can it?

OCD with intrusive thoughts (like harm ocd, where intrusive thoughts are usually of harmful actions towards yourself or others) are egodystonic, which means they go against your beliefs and values and likely cause you a lot of suffering. if you are suffering because of these thoughts then it is OCD and they are really not your thoughts, thus youre not suicidal.
(source:i have OCD, but not this type specifically).