Hi. I plan to end my life by the end of this year.

[thesea]

Hi, I'm 'thesea'. I'm new on here, but I think the title of my post says it all.

While I don't know what I want to share about what's brought me here just yet (there are many things, some of external sources, many caused by myself), I wanted to at least say 'hello' and state my intention. I'm almost 30 and I've pursued 'recovery' on innumerable occasions, but always end up back at this point, regardless of the little 'victories' and changes.

In the interim, I want to do what I can to make sure those I care about are looked after, that funeral costs are raised and that everybody receives a thorough and conclusive explanation through my inevitable note. It's the least they deserve for the investment of care they've demonstrated towards me when I needed it. I also want to make sure I can guarantee success when I do it.

Am I hesitating? I don't know. I've lived with these feelings for so long, they come and go like waves, that I'm not even sure what I'm feeling sometimes.

I guess that's me for now. Hi!

 

[Placo]

I'm 30 years old and I'm also tired of putting myself out there for the umpteenth time.

 

[iloverachel]

I can totally relate. Also 30 here. Tired of being back at square one for the 100th time too

Good luck friend

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best in your plans.

 

[rozeske]

Hi thesea! Welcome. Am sorry for the circumstances that led you here. I hope you find the peace you are searching for whatever you endup deciding. Until then I hope you can find the love and support from like minded people here to help you push through

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

i'm 31 here, i understand the feelings exactly and sorry you've been so brought down that you ended up in the low as well. i wish you well whatever you choose to do.

 

[ArgentApricot]

Hello, i also just joined the forum and it seems we're in the same boat.
I'm lucky to have very understanding people around me, and they understand that i want to exit, nevertheless i promised i'd give life another try.
when that ''try'' ends near the end of the year, i have those closest to me set up pretty good, and i've also written a note(more of a short manifesto at this point) just clearing up the last little details

I'm younger than you, but i have also experienced the coming and going feeling as well, and eventually it got to the point where the only comfort i can find in life is death, the little things stopped mattering, small victories and moments of joy became more and more fleeting. Maybe that idea of inevitable mental entropy takes the edge off having the Bus be just out of reach, but of course i hope it gets better for the both of us instead.

 

[gingermacie]

Hey there. I relate a lot to what you're saying. Feels like it's been time to throw in the towel for years. Thx for sharing