yes it always was the same strain
large increases in dosage also increase the risk of a bad trip, especially if you're in a mental state where you want to ctb. if the highest dose i'd had was 2.5g, i would do 3-3.5g this time. if i didn't get the experience i wanted, i would trip again 2 months later and increase the dose by 0.5-1g. imo this approach helps achieve more profound trips while reducing the risk of a psychologically destabilizing bad trip, but i'm no expert, just a random person online. note that 5+ g is considered a heroic dose for golden teachers, but penis envy and makilla gorilla is stronger, so a heroic dose may be lower in your case.
90% of the realizations will be inside your mind, not things you write down or record yourself saying aloud. this is why doing proper integration after the experience is important, so that the lessons stay with you. if you haven't done so already, it's a good idea to read up on integration
and yes i probably should order some kind of trip killer, what would you suggest? benzos?
psychedelics have hallucinogenic effects because they activate a specific type of serotonin receptor called the 5-HT2A receptors. the most effective trip killers are medications that block the 5-HT2A receptors without many side effects, such as trazodone and atypical (aka second generation) antipsychotics. if those aren't options for you, then benzos would be the next best option. they don't block 5-HT2A receptors, so they don't fully stop the psychedelic effects, but they do stop the panic of a bad trip.
50-100mg trazodone is the best trip killer imo since it is safe, easy to get, and not addictive. 50mg trazodone fixes my bad trips in under 30 minutes, it stops both the hallucinations and the anxiety/paranoia. it will make you sleepy but you can function as normal. 100mg works faster, but you'll be more sleepy. the only side effect i get is a stuffy nose, i just breathe with my mouth until it wears off. in my country it is easy to get trazodone prescribed for insomnia, depression, or anxiety, either from a real doctor or one of those online doctor websites. if this isn't possible, you could buy it online from an overseas pharmacy, although sometimes they rip you off or give you the wrong product.
a small dose of seroquel (quetiapine) is another good option, like 25-50mg. or a small dose of some other atypical (aka second gen) antipsychotic like risperidone or olanzapine. small doses are effective for this purpose. larger doses may cause side effects, so be mindful of that if you go over 100mg of quetiapine for example. similar to trazodone, it stops both the hallucinations and the anxiety/paranoia. this will make you pretty sleepy. it's more difficult to get atypical antipsychotics prescribed compared to trazodone, but overseas pharmacies are an option. however, typical (aka first gen) antipsychotics are not a good option. they don't work well because they don't block the 5-HT2A receptors and they also have worse side effects.
personally i avoid benzos because i have addictive tendencies, and because there are lots of fake xans around in my country. benzos don't block the 5-HT2A receptors, so they will get rid of the panic and make you sleepy, but they probably won't stop the trip entirely. if you choose benzos, try to get them prescribed by a doctor. if you can't get them prescribed, test them to be safe:
here are some websites that sell test kits. if you struggle with addiction or have a family history of addiction, don't choose benzos.
last thing: if you take daily medication, check for drug interations between your medication and the trip killer you plan to buy. for example, sometimes serotonin syndrome is a concern,
here's a guide on how to gauge the risk.
