D
downndone2
Living in misery
- Jan 23, 2022
- 1,270
I can't even have peace in my dreams. Just woke up again, heart racing, anxiety after an awful dream. Nothing I was thinking before sleep that would have precipitates it.
I have had so much loss and trauma in last several years (after my terrible decisions while not in my right mind) and just don't want to go on.
But then, there's the thoughts of what I'll put my family, friends, and animals thru. Who will clean up the mess. Etc, etc, etc
Right now, I don't even have a sure fire plan, just several random thoughts (i.e. OD with no meds, gsw, jump, hang) and only one sounds peaceful.
I'm stuck in so much financial loss and heartbreak, mounting debt, awful anxiety, alone all the time.. trying to interview for jobs which are ending up not resulting in offers. Then also finding myself stuck at home with crippling anxiety/depression most days, physically feel unable to leave or do anything for that matter other than exist.
At the end of everyday, I usually find myself saying the only option is to ctb In order to end these awful feelings.
When I tie up what loose ends I can, I've just got to go. I need help, insight, thoughts, support and I can't get it from others without a section in a psych ward.
When it warms up, my plan would be to ctb away from my home (hotel or outdoors) by one of the following ways with delayed email(s) and/or letter(s):
OD in hotel (prefer N or Fent), stilp need assist to secure either form. Heroin hotshot is also option
Jump from height of 10 stories +
Gsw to chest or head outdoors in abandoned location
I'm just stuck in life. Everything was great until I turned my dream life into an absolute nightmare, not these have become my fucied up options
I need people and no one comes....
I have had so much loss and trauma in last several years (after my terrible decisions while not in my right mind) and just don't want to go on.
But then, there's the thoughts of what I'll put my family, friends, and animals thru. Who will clean up the mess. Etc, etc, etc
Right now, I don't even have a sure fire plan, just several random thoughts (i.e. OD with no meds, gsw, jump, hang) and only one sounds peaceful.
I'm stuck in so much financial loss and heartbreak, mounting debt, awful anxiety, alone all the time.. trying to interview for jobs which are ending up not resulting in offers. Then also finding myself stuck at home with crippling anxiety/depression most days, physically feel unable to leave or do anything for that matter other than exist.
At the end of everyday, I usually find myself saying the only option is to ctb In order to end these awful feelings.
When I tie up what loose ends I can, I've just got to go. I need help, insight, thoughts, support and I can't get it from others without a section in a psych ward.
When it warms up, my plan would be to ctb away from my home (hotel or outdoors) by one of the following ways with delayed email(s) and/or letter(s):
OD in hotel (prefer N or Fent), stilp need assist to secure either form. Heroin hotshot is also option
Jump from height of 10 stories +
Gsw to chest or head outdoors in abandoned location
I'm just stuck in life. Everything was great until I turned my dream life into an absolute nightmare, not these have become my fucied up options
I need people and no one comes....