Story Hello (even a common greeting here in england begins with hell)

[RemainingDubious]

i'm a new member here

i'm also a 36 year old antisocial male from england.

i've suffered from "Life" the majority of my miserable existence. Everyone i open up to gaslights me since they have distorted realities where better days are due to arrive.

i personally feel like i probably have the RGS2 gene due to the fact a parent had issues with their mental health before CTB. my eldest sibling also had lesser mental health issues before they also CTB. my other older sibling didn't have any mental health issues but they CTB also.

i've personally never felt like i belonged anywhere, long before my siblings CTB or even waited at the bus stop (but after one of my parents CTB) i've wanted to CTB.

The eldest child (Now an adult) of one of my siblings has mental health issues and has wanted to CTB at times.

i personally feel the pattern is too unlikely to be completely coincidental, therefore it seem like genetics have decided our fate.

i've had suicidal thoughts and have acted on them numerous times since before i became a teenager. i've been medicated, i've been sectioned multiple times, i get guilt tripped by people i care about to stick around for their own selfish reasons.

i currently "have" a community care worker from the local mental health hospital. my last appointment was over a month ago. i ignored the door since i couldn't be bothered to get up only to talk to someone who clearly doesn't care and often lies to me. Other people have noticed how unprofessional they are and have noticed their lies too. i'm not paranoid.

The community care worker hasn't made any attempt to contact me or anything. Which is fine by me. However for all they know i could have died over a month ago, my corpse could be decaying. Someone who is actually payed to care. doesn't even care.

i don't have any dependants.

The only thing i want to do is CTB. i have nothing to "live" for, there isn't anything that makes my suffering worthwhile. i have nothing to contribute to the world either.

my reality can't get better, i've lost more than i could ever gain, better days have been and gone.

my better half died unexpectedly last year due to medical negligence (even those who are paid to care often don't) my last suicide attempt was hours after my better half passed away. i was sectioned for awhile and guilt tripped to exist only to suffer more. People i care about told me i wouldn't feel how i did in a years time, etc.

The last year i've felt worse than ever before but i have gave those i care about a year to prove me wrong, which nobody has. Things have just got worse. When i can finally end my suffering nobody can honestly say i haven't tried or i haven't gave things chance. i hope that my bring them some comfort about my exit.

i'm a bit of a simpleton and since i'm extremely antisocial being on a forum is completely alien to me. i still don't know how to search.

i'd really appreciate it if someone could point me in the right direction of the exact things i need to end my suffering, that are available in england. a suitable exit bag and
the right nitrogen or helium canister sounds appealing.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering, best wishes.

 

[RemainingDubious]

I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering, best wishes.

Thank you, knowing my luck i'll some how mess things up and end up sectioned again or something.

 

[reallysleepy]

Hi! For the search bar to appear you first need to make a certain number of posts (the number is uncertain and only the mods know it but it's something between 10 and 20). You can go to the games part and post a lot there.
In the meanwhile there is this thread with a lot of info about methods

Suicide Resource Compilation

All the links to threads, videos, audio, downloads, and information found here are being made available only for educational purposes, and have been shared by users; we cannot assure the accuracy of the data. This means the way you use this data is fully your responsibility, that you need to...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Do keep in mind that ppl in threads aren't allowed to give you ideas on how to ctb kill yourself or sources to buy stuff (they can send you private messages with those tho)


I'm sorry about your loss and about your sadness, I hope that you find peace soon.

 

[RemainingDubious]

Hi! For the search bar to appear you first need to make a certain number of posts (the number is uncertain and only the mods know it but it's something between 10 and 20). You can go to the games part and post a lot there.
In the meanwhile there is this thread with a lot of info about methods

Suicide Resource Compilation

All the links to threads, videos, audio, downloads, and information found here are being made available only for educational purposes, and have been shared by users; we cannot assure the accuracy of the data. This means the way you use this data is fully your responsibility, that you need to...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Do keep in mind that ppl in threads aren't allowed to give you ideas on how to ctb kill yourself or sources to buy stuff (they can send you private messages with those tho)


I'm sorry about your loss and about your sadness, I hope that you find peace soon.

Thank you, the search feature has now become available it seems like the most difficult aspect for me being able to be at peace, will probably be acquiring the things i'll need and acquiring information that will make my departure 100% successful.

 

[reallysleepy]

Thank you, the search feature has now become available it seems like the most difficult aspect for me being able to be at peace, will probably be acquiring the things i'll need and acquiring information that will make my departure 100% successful.

I know that at first it seems like a lot but you can always ask about methods here, ppl are responsive.
You can also search for a couple of books online which are the peacefull pill handbook and the final exit, they have information about methods.

 

[RemainingDubious]

I know that at first it seems like a lot but you can always ask about methods here, ppl are responsive.
You can also search for a couple of books online which are the peacefull pill handbook and the final exit, they have information about methods.

I know that at first it seems like a lot but you can always ask about methods here, ppl are responsive.
You can also search for a couple of books online which are the peacefull pill handbook and the final exit, they have information about methods.

i've been looking through the peaceful pill handbook and i'm currently trying to figure out what inert gas and regulator i'd need. i didn't pay too much attention in science at school, due to it being the only lesson i had with my partner who passed away. so i don't understand the required pressure, etc since i've never been able to multitask. pretty much all my attention went on her.

Some places seem to only deliver to a business address. Some places don't deliver to flats. which is the type of accommodation i exist in. i have found businesses in my area that allow customers to collect. However since i can not drive and suffer from anxiety, that's problematic as i would have to burden someone to take me or collect on my behalf. Which people will know exactly what i'd do and wouldn't support me. They'd likely attempt to get me sectioned and guilt trip me further.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

HELLo to you too. welcome

 

[sserafim]

Just more proof that we're in hell

 

[walkingdead2023]

Same here! Hello from the other side!! Look for resources if you have time to read catalogs.. most of the resources are either not peaceful or peaceful but you won't be able to find.. good luck!

 

[RemainingDubious]

Just more proof that we're in hell

That honestly would explain things. In my personal experience it seems those who are happiest are either young and naive or they're delusional. ignorance is often bliss until you attain knowledge.

i often wonder is it even possible to ever be completely happy, knowing how messed up the world is and how miserable most people truly are?

Realistically all anyone truly has is themself. Nothing lasts forever. One day even the sun will burn out, how many of the stars that we see at night (when away from light pollution) still actually exist in the universe?

Until our lifetime comes to an end, we're constantly stuck with ourselves, our thoughts and our feelings.

Same here! Hello from the other side!! Look for resources if you have time to read catalogs.. most of the resources are either not peaceful or peaceful but you won't be able to find.. good luck!

If only i could get to the other side lol
It's hard enough getting outside most of the time.

It seems i'm currently stuck with time (that i don't want) The resources i seem to find sound completely useless to me.