Having one's life under control - is that possible?

[noname223]

A woman on a dating app wrote it is fine to text her in case some conditions were fulfiled and having one's life under control was one condition.
It felt sort of offensive to me. But I also knew she was coming from and I know this is sort of me issue.

Yes, I don't feel like I have my life under control. And the meaning is probably more metaphorical than in a literal sense. But wouldn't be a person dead set on suicide plans have their life (in a distorted way) under control? I think having one's life under control doesn't exclude certain red flags. People in high positions tend to dark triade traits. People who have their life under control also can be abusive.

I can understand people want to build a future with someone. And yes peopple who don't really see a future for themselves. But suicide is often ambivalent.

I skipped her. But I also thought the notion of having one's life under control is to a certain extent an illusion. And I think many people who tell their stories on her can prove life can be pretty hard in taking everything that one once considered your own. Health crises can happen to anyone. Traumatizing events can happen to anyone. Traffic accidents, horrible deaths of loved ones. In some way it is presumptuous to think one was able to control life. But I am probably only a little bit salty. I will keep it short and end it here.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Forever Sleep]

Life can throw so many curved balls at us. I'd be kind of suspicious of anyone who felt like they had everything under control. That said- some people have enough inner strength to weather storms I suppose. That is an admirable quality although, I wonder how many people actually possess it. Maybe it's more that they haven't been fully tested in life yet.

It's also going to vary from person to person. I wonder if she meant reasonable contentment with where we're at in life. But then- that varies person to person too. When I worked in retail, I had this assumption that everyone there hated it as much as I did. That they all had aspirations to be doing something else. That wasn't the case at all as it turned out and- they were probably a good deal happier than me.

So- while we both were doing the same low end, entry level job- it could be said that they had their lives more sorted out than mine- seeing as they seemed content with where they were at, while I was massively frustrated and unhappy.

To an extent though- achieving anything we set our minds on can make it start to feel like we've got our lives more under control. In my experience though- it never really felt that way. I spent decades chasing career dreams. I took on full time, Head of Department roles. I moved hundreds of miles to take on new jobs. I tried settling down and laying down roots. All to make me feel like a 'proper' adult but then- I was still miserable! What's the point of sounding 'together' when you're constantly stressed, tired and miserable? I ended up effectively pursuing job demotions for greater job satisfaction.

In a way- that could be described as getting my life under control. Prioritising what was important to me- rather than what was expected of me.

There again though- it depends on what we define ourselves as important. Like you say- someone who is suicidal can be getting their plans to end it in order. In a way, that's the ultimate form of control- choosing whether to live or die even. Although- I doubt that would look appealing on a dating site!

I tend to interpret that woman's preference- of having your life under control- as a person who doesn't want to carry another. That doesn't want to have to support them emotionally all the time. In a way, it comes off as cruel but then- better to know from the start in a way.

Maybe they are an instinctive optimist and they don't want to be around someone who is continually worried. I found that I could be too pesimistic/ cynical even for more optimistic friends or colleagues but then- they annoyed me too. Not everyone is a good match.

 

[limenlux]

Depending upon how one defines "having your life under control", it is absolutely an illusory concept. As someone with exceptional OCPD tendencies, this entire subject haunts me. I've had my life "under control" numerous times, only to have external factors and random misfortune throw everything back into disarray, after which I've dragged the pieces back into a pile, only to have them scattered once more.

At this point, I'm in an absolutely unrecoverable situation, and part of the reason I want to CTB is out of both shame that my reputation for being ultra-disciplined lies in tatters, and as a desire to manifest control over my life one last time.

I highly doubt that most people's definition of having one's life under control is as strenuous as mine, but if I encountered the woman on your dating app, I'd be happy to alienate her with this precise rant, haha.