Have you thought about the family?

[Volatile]

My mother loves me, no doubt about that.

But when it was the time to help me, she did literally nothing. For years she did literally nothing, acting like everything was going well.

I do not say she is guilty of my condition, but since she accepted it without even questioning, she will also have to accept when I'll go.

Will you use an axe?

 

[raskolnikov]

Will you use an axe?

Sorry don't get the joke :(

(my english is bad)

 

[Oyashiro-sama]

I feel terrible and I would love to finish everything, but on the other hand I feel terrible about how my family will stay after that. It's like being in a prison.

 

[Volatile]

Sorry don't get the joke :(

(my english is bad)

Your username is the name of a character from the book Crime and Punishment. He kills a woman with an axe

 

[raskolnikov]

Your username is the name of a character from the book Crime and Punishment. He kills a woman with an axe

Oh yeah, my nickname lol :)

Great novel, everyone should read it. It would make the world better.

 

[Kev]

I do consider them when I am weighing my options, but they don't hold much weight. I am completely different from any of them, and if we weren't blood and I met them on the street I wouldn't care if I never saw them again. I feel really bad for my parents because they do love me and are supportive but they do not understand who I am at all. Most of my extended family do not speak English (my only language), or speak very broken English, so conversing with them is impossible. I hate my race and how I look, so I hold a lot of resentment towards them for bringing me into this world with repulsive genetics. Every time I see them it reminds me why I hate myself and how lonely I am.

They are aware of my depression and suicidal thoughts, and while my dad does not understand depression, is still a prick, and has recently called me a disappointment, my mom, who has had depression and understands it, is trying to do everything in her power to help me get better. It just makes me hate myself even more because while not hostile, I am very cold and unloving to them and it is for reasons that are not their fault. I know my suicide will destroy them, but every single person's suffering, dreams, hopes, happiness, pretty much all their experiences and feelings are absolutely insignificant on the cosmic scale. I guess this sick and twisted rationalization allows me to be self centered and boils down my decision to one question: do I enjoy existing? If not, then there is no reason I should still be here.

I have thought about this for a long time, and I think the root cause of why I want to kill myself is a lack of familial belonging for as long as I can remember, as well as having no hope of ever finding love (and thus another family). Love, belonging, sex and affection are all considered physiological needs (necessary to survive) in Maslow's hierarchy. These are things I have gone without for my entire life, and for many years I tried improving myself to attract somebody so I could know what the human experience is actually supposed to feel like, but my efforts have been met with complete failure. I am very, very lonely.

 

[NeverEndingCircle]

I feel bad that I'll be leaving behind my kids and husband sometimes. My husband says it's selfish I have thoughts about it (I've opened up to him about my suicidal ideations before) and he will say it's selfish and that a good mother would never do it. So I feel really guilty thinking about it sometimes. I love my kids so much, but I just hope they understand that I needed to be at peace and it's not their fault.

I feel exactly the same. Maybe i am selfish?

 

[ThisIsTheEnd]

My family is one of the few reasons I have not ctb yet. I really don't want my mum or sister finding my body and being traumatised for life.

 

[Oyashiro-sama]

My family is one of the few reasons I have not ctb yet. I really don't want my mum or sister finding my body and being traumatised for life.

Im in the same...

 

[GoneSeptember2018]

I unfortunately don't hold that much guilt because I believe it's sincerely better emotionally and financially for them that I am not here in the long term. I know it will hurt but I know it is for the best and have done my best to convey in my notes that it's nothing they did wrong.

 

[midastic]

Somewhat, I care about the timing of my CTB mainly because I don't want it to be at the "worst time" for my family. But besides that, I don't care that much since I've already accepted the consequences. Regardless of the cause of your death, it will still cause sorrow for your family.

 

[FadedMemory]

I have, and I'm sorry that they will grieve. I'm aware of the pain I'll cause them but at the same time, all of this could have been avoided had they just listened what I had to say. They cared mostly about how I do in school and punished me if I got a bad grade. I was raised to succeed academically, but they never taught me life lessons and social skills.
I didn't want this but one can only take so much and the fact is that their actions have consenquences.

 

[Phro]

I'm single with just my sister and aunt/uncle in my life. My sister and I rarely talk. The rare times we do, it's a brief text. My aunt knows how much I'm suffering and has run out of things to say to me. I have no friends. After struggling and suffering for so long, I don't think anybody will be surprised when I ctb.

 

[WrongWayGoBack]

My CTB will hurt my parents and siblings immeasurably. I'm especially concerned about my sister, who alone in my family knows the real reason I'm doing this. She is also studying and my departure will screw up her semester.

I'm leaving her everythig I have, hopefully it will be enough to support her.

These things make me sad, but they can't be helped.

 

[great-ape99]

I already told my family a long time ago that I am going to kill myself. But that is still a while from now.

 

[bigj75]

family never understands

 

[TAW122]

I have, however, part of me believes that I was brought into this world not by choice, but because my parents wanted a kid so they acted on their natural, biological instincts. Also, my relationship with my family isn't really good and has gone down over the last few years, which makes it easier for me to ctb.

 

[Duqu]

My dad will get over it (we've not seen eye-to-eye for a long time) and his wife doesn't care for me. My sister will get over it fast. My mom talked to me on my last psych hold (April) and basically said that she would understand if I chose to kill myself and doesn't know how I haven't done it yet in all honesty with my chronic pain and such. So she'd be sad but she's already come to an understanding that that's the way it's going to be for me.

I have a lot of extended family that would probably be sad, but many of them are so young they would just forget who I was.

ETA my best friend killed herself a few years ago (OD'd on a Costco sized bottle of Benadryl...didn't know that was possible) and her family has been devastated but her brother recently got married so it's clear they're moving on...

 

[RainAndSadness]

I'm gonna completely ignore them because my parents giving birth to me is the reason I'm in this mess in the first place.

 

[bigj75]

I'm gonna completely ignore them because my parents giving birth to me is the reason I'm in this mess in the first place.

respect

 

[lostinthedream]

my family's my main reason I'm still here, in particular my mother who truly would be devastated by my departure

 

[MEoDP]

I'm gonna completely ignore them because my parents giving birth to me is the reason I'm in this mess in the first place.

Ever heard of Antinatalism?

 

[RainAndSadness]

Ever heard of Antinatalism?

No.

 

[MEoDP]

The summary is that it is a philosophy that assigns a negative value to birth. Pain and Suffering is an inevitable experience of life(even the happiest people go through it at several points in their life),as I'm sure all of you are aware. We've all heard the saying that there's no guarantee in life,and that means giving birth to someone exposes them to the risk of ending up a failure in life.

There's a lot more to this philosophy than this brief description I laid out,but I'm sure it'll resonate with a lot of you here as well.

 

[RainAndSadness]

The summary is that it is a philosophy that assigns a negative value to birth. Pain and Suffering is an inevitable experience of life(even the happiest people go through it at several points in their life),as I'm sure all of you are aware. We've all heard the saying that there's no guarantee in life,and that means giving birth to someone exposes them to the risk of ending up a failure in life.

There's a lot more to this philosophy than this brief description I laid out,but I'm sure it'll resonate with a lot of you here as well.

In that case I fully agree with that philosophy. Everyone is born without consent so it should be your right to end your life whenever you desire. And I also think euthanasia should be available to everyone, not only to people with a terminal illness. The current policies for euthanasia in most countries absolutely suck.

 

[PatKat]

I do not have a family of my own just my parent and sisters. It doesnt cross my mind though they can deal with it their own way I suppose.

 

[Sun Stealer]

We just need an old car some old petrol. That is how Louis went.

 

[Aragon]

Nah, they don't need me. They have their own lives. My family have managed well without me, actually even better. When I needed them most, they weren't there, so fuck all of them.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

My mom died in February. The rest of them disassociated with me years ago. Thank goodness. The prospect of my mother's grief used to hold me back. Not anymore.

They'll probably all be glad when I'm dead. Hell, that's one of the things that keeps me going. I need to overcome it. So what if they're happy about my death? They'll still act like they're not, because they're real dumb.

 

[skitliv]

I think about them all the time, but I can't live for others, I must do what I must do