Have you thought about the family?

[Tiburcio]

super cool :)

 

[Sun Stealer]

super cool :)

Wish could say something more positive my friend. just know you are with friends here

 

[BxK]

I'm afraid of ruining my mom and dads life by doing it, by trying it again. I don't wanna hurt them at all.
I may be a close minded, selfish idiot, but I'm aware my death would destroy them.
But damn...living just for that hurts, so so bad. Everything hurts me lately, I wanna die to get away from the things and people I hate.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

it hurts me to know that my mother will be traumatized with that. Does it happen to you too?

Sometimes I feel guilty too, but with the way my specific family has treated me, I realize it's not so unreasonable for me to end up suicidal. They'll be sad and angry, but honestly, what else did they expect?

(The actual answer is that they expect me to conform and serve them and don't see a problem with that or the way they treat me. I'm the one who is "emotional" or "ungrateful" for recognizing I have a right to be my own person and to not be ridiculed and warned.)

 

[Lowri]

I don't want my family to go through the aftermath of my suicide. That is why I want to make it look like I died of natural causes or an accident. People here are skeptic, saying it's almost impossible to pull off. But I believe I can pull it off, I am a man with three plans.

 

[QueenEtna]

My mother tried once to kill herself and I think that she will try it again when I commit suicide.
It drives me crazy to think about that. And it makes me really sad.

Same with my mum she's tried 3 times, if I do it i'll be scared if she does too.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

My issue is that my family are going to stressed and unhappy regardless of whether I'm alive or not.

There's the constant issue of caring for my disabled brother (who will need support for the rest of his life, including after my parents die)
My sister has her own issues that she needs support with
I'm just.. I'm just here. I don't really see myself as anything important.

If I could die and just cease to have ever existed, my family could go on as normal.. but unfortunately we all know life doesn't work like that.

 

[Putridsoul]

I trend to partially blame my parents for what I am, because after all I am a product of their education. What I saw, what I learnt, during years, was almost exclusively originated from my relationship with them, and with the people they got me in contact with. I wear their teachings, ideas, emotions, behaviors, marked as fire in my conscience as a cow has it's catalog number burnt into their flesh. Therefore, I can't feel sorry for them. I believe that my sucidal instinct is partially directed by revenge. I want to harm them as much as I posibly can, at least partially. WIth my father, I would say totally. WIth my mother, I have conflicting feelings. Sometimes I feel like she deserves vengeance, and sometimes I regret thinking that, because despite all her mistakes, she seems like she legitly cares... at least sometimes.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

No, I don't care. My parents are the main reason for why I'm here, maybe if they weren't so dysfunctional and neglectful and actually took proper care of me, I wouldn't be so mentally broken to the point where I can't fucking function in this world.

At this point I only have contact with my mom, but I'm pretty sure that if it wasn't a crime she would tell me "ok, just kill yourself if you want to". No, I'm not exaggerating, she knows I'll do it, we've talked about it many times.

 

[Volatile]

It is the totally worst thing of it all, ive lost 2 friends that way and seen what it does

What does it do?

 

[sb430]

No. My parents did a terrible job, as one would expect from most sheeple breeding these days.

 

[Psychosa]

I feel bad that I'll be leaving behind my kids and husband sometimes. My husband says it's selfish I have thoughts about it (I've opened up to him about my suicidal ideations before) and he will say it's selfish and that a good mother would never do it. So I feel really guilty thinking about it sometimes. I love my kids so much, but I just hope they understand that I needed to be at peace and it's not their fault.

 

[Zanexx]

I do think about people I've been close to in life being sad and feel extremely sad myself about that at times, but ultimately I feel as though it may as well be beyond my control entirely.

To me my suicide just seems inevitable and staying alive indefinitely on the basis of trying not to upset other people wouldn't be sustainable -it would probably lead to resentment more than anything and my alive self would just need to isolate more and more and not speak to them or see them anyway- so I see my death being more like that of someone dying of a terminal illness in effect. Sure it's sad for other people, but it's just an unfortunate fact that sooner or later people I've known will end up having to confront.

 

[Broken Widow]

I think the humans in my life will be fine without me, it's my cats that I worry about. They are extremely bonded to me, and two of them belonged to my late husband. That's the only reason I'm not dead yesterday.

 

[ninaevol]

I don't find it worthy at all and I can't and don't want to endure or struggle with more shit... I'm done.

Also, I can't get rid of childhood traumas which fucked me up. Just no, I'll die.

This is my reason as well. I understand I can move out, and eventually live my own life but the struggle and process I have to endure to do that is too much for my weak ass to handle. Childhood trauma as well.. I don't think those scars will ever heal. I'm tormented by these memories and self-doubt.

 

[Zanexx]

I think the humans in my life will be fine without me, it's my cats that I worry about. They are extremely bonded to me, and two of them belonged to my late husband. That's the only reason I'm not dead yesterday.

When I had my cat (she died last year) there was at least one time when I thought about ctb and then decided not to because she was snuggled up against me and I felt bad about leaving her. Think I like cats more than humans. At least I'll "be with her" soon, though in terms of my beliefs, not literally.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Well, that's it, I want to end my life, I hate myself deeply but it hurts me to know that my mother will be traumatized with that. Does it happen to you too?

I have and I'm not sure how to overcome this.

 

[anurgetowardlove]

I worry about my mom. She's not a bad person, misguided maybe, but she means well. I tell myself that when she's being particularly difficult. I have lived through a lot of abuse, and regardless of how close I get to others, there's always an emptiness for me. I have no real emotional connection to them. Even with my mom, I care for her more out of duty than anything, and maybe even guilt. I have a few people that will miss me, but I imagine they are all aware that it could happen at this point.

I also refuse to hold myself responsible for the actions of others. I know that some of the people I know are mentally unstable and might even see my suicide as an encouragement, but at the end of the day, they're all adults and can make their own decisions. I'm very tired of hearing how some person or even celebrity is responsible for "copycats". People want to die because they want to die. If one thing wasn't going to push them over the edge, it would be something else.

 

[Tiburcio]

This is my reason as well. I understand I can move out, and eventually live my own life but the struggle and process I have to endure to do that is too much for my weak ass to handle. Childhood trauma as well.. I don't think those scars will ever heal. I'm tormented by these memories and self-doubt.

Just like me. But I was never interested in life since I know how it really is. If in addition to this I have to struggle so fucking much for "escaping"... just no.

I am a product of their education. What I saw, what I learnt, during years, was almost exclusively originated from my relationship with them, and with the people they got me in contact with. I wear their teachings, ideas, emotions, behaviors, marked as fire in my conscience as a cow has it's catalog number burnt into their flesh. Therefore, I can't feel sorry for them. I believe that my sucidal instinct is partially directed by revenge.

This part was exactly like reading my own mind

 

[Endthismisery]

Well I have been pretty open about the fact that I want to die but not in an attention seeking way

I did it because when I CTB It won't be a suprise to them

I feel like I have explained very clearly my reasons for not wanting to be alive and why things will never get better

When I hear the words suicide is selfish it really gets to me because it's more selfish to have someone live in complete misery then to be alive to stop people being sad

 

[Sun Stealer]

I don't want my family to go through the aftermath of my suicide. That is why I want to make it look like I died of natural causes or an accident. People here are skeptic, saying it's almost impossible to pull off. But I believe I can pull it off, I am a man with three plans.

Hi any chance of sharing your plans

 

[Sun Stealer]

What does it do?

It devastates families they never get over it. I'm always there for my friend Lynn after her sister jumped in front of a train in 2011

 

[CRM]

I never really felt the unconditional love for family because we did not choose each other. Would we like each other if we weren't blood and just spoke one day? Definitely not, at least for me.

I don't want to hurt them, or anybody, but I do not feel the slightest guilt about killing myself. Never have.

 

[Sun Stealer]

I never really felt the unconditional love for family because we did not choose each other. Would we like each other if we weren't blood and just spoke one day? Definitely not, at least for me.

I don't want to hurt them, or anybody, but I do not feel the slightest guilt about killing myself. Never have.

CRM. Yes in a way it's trapping people .Who just don't wannabe here

 

[Volatile]

It devastates families they never get over it. I'm always there for my friend Lynn after her sister jumped in front of a train in 2011

What's their day to day like? What's changed?

 

[Sun Stealer]

What's their day to day like? What's changed?

Just like an emotional deep wound that can never heal. Yes they get on with life eventually but takes a long time for that

 

[Volatile]

Just like an emotional deep wound that can never heal. Yes they get on with life eventually but takes a long time for that

If the daughter had been murdered, died in a car crash, etc wouldn't the family still have a deep emotional wound?

 

[Sun Stealer]

If the daughter had been murdered, died in a car crash, etc wouldn't the family still have a deep emotional wound?

Unfortunately I know far too many people who died too early. So family and friends always miss the lost ones but with suicide .it is different. The sense of somehow they should have been able to prevent it, have done something, been better family somehow does not go away

 

[raskolnikov]

My mother loves me, no doubt about that.

But when it was the time to help me, she did literally nothing. For years she did literally nothing, acting like everything was going well.

I do not say she is guilty of my condition, but since she accepted it without even questioning, she will also have to accept when I'll go.

 

[Sun Stealer]

My mother loves me, no doubt about that.

But when it was the time to help me, she did literally nothing. For years she did literally nothing, acting like everything was going well.

I do not say she is guilty of my condition, but since she accepted it without even questioning, she will also have to accept when I'll go.

I know. Please know I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything. I'm here as I want to die too