Well, that's it, I want to end my life, I hate myself deeply but it hurts me to know that my mother will be traumatized with that. Does it happen to you too?
Sure, it happens to me constantly so it keeps me from doing it.
I really hate this cycle of guilt
I really hate this cycle of guilt
Jackblade
Student
- Aug 9, 2018
- 197
Sun Stealer
Experienced
- Aug 19, 2018
- 220
It is the totally worst thing of it all, ive lost 2 friends that way and seen what it does
?
In my family? Why should I? Maybe because they gave me my life? Or because they tried to submit me for follow hundreds of stupid social rules? For releasing me in a world who they KNEW exactly how fucked up it was, all the risks and all the endeavors we all will suffer, in I won't be happy almost never and life is extremely hard? Should be I grateful for that?
No. I'm the result of the culmination of mediocrity: blindy following the social acceptation. Having a family with kids is the ultimate goal of all them; if they think it's good for them, they don't give a fuck of you maybe don't want to be here. An act of selfishness. And after it, they denied me a peaceful exit for fixing their mistakes, forcing me to keep the cult of life and after it, trying to make me a mini-version of one of all that assholes everybody envy.
Am I worried?
NO.
They knew what was coming and they ignored it.
If that's not reason enough, I was abused physically and emotionally just for having will of freedom, trying to be happy out of their stupid fucking model of life, effort, effort, effort, NO escape: just do EVERYTHING.
Each time I see some of you feeling guilt I feel a put in my stomach. But bah. I don't care at all. I can't remove your guilt, but I opened my eyes and will leave with no guilt.
And I will write a note, making them know they are criminals and my death is YES their fault.
FUCK
THEM.
In my family? Why should I? Maybe because they gave me my life? Or because they tried to submit me for follow hundreds of stupid social rules? For releasing me in a world who they KNEW exactly how fucked up it was, all the risks and all the endeavors we all will suffer, in I won't be happy almost never and life is extremely hard? Should be I grateful for that?
No. I'm the result of the culmination of mediocrity: blindy following the social acceptation. Having a family with kids is the ultimate goal of all them; if they think it's good for them, they don't give a fuck of you maybe don't want to be here. An act of selfishness. And after it, they denied me a peaceful exit for fixing their mistakes, forcing me to keep the cult of life and after it, trying to make me a mini-version of one of all that assholes everybody envy.
Am I worried?
NO.
They knew what was coming and they ignored it.
If that's not reason enough, I was abused physically and emotionally just for having will of freedom, trying to be happy out of their stupid fucking model of life, effort, effort, effort, NO escape: just do EVERYTHING.
Each time I see some of you feeling guilt I feel a put in my stomach. But bah. I don't care at all. I can't remove your guilt, but I opened my eyes and will leave with no guilt.
And I will write a note, making them know they are criminals and my death is YES their fault.
FUCK
THEM.
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Sun Stealer
Experienced
- Aug 19, 2018
- 220
Am sorry its been so hard for you with your family. My dad was a bit like that, these will be your friends, this is where you will go etc, this is how you will act
I'm not happy of it... All that years of abuse brutally changed my mindset.
My mother loves me very much, that's the only thing that binds me to this life.
Slacker
⋔⊬ ☌⍜⎅, ⟟⏁´⌇ ⎎⎍⌰⌰ ⍜⎎ ⌿⍜⌰⟟☊⟒
- Aug 17, 2018
- 298
My mother tried once to kill herself and I think that she will try it again when I commit suicide.
It drives me crazy to think about that. And it makes me really sad.
it hold me alive for a few years... and in the end I said:
Fuck that!
I don't care. This is MY life. I can do whatever I want! And I want to die! I don't want to live just to not hurt my Mother.
....teenager rage....
And then I realized that I want to find a sense in Life independent of her. But thats another story
It drives me crazy to think about that. And it makes me really sad.
it hold me alive for a few years... and in the end I said:
Fuck that!
I don't care. This is MY life. I can do whatever I want! And I want to die! I don't want to live just to not hurt my Mother.
....teenager rage....
And then I realized that I want to find a sense in Life independent of her. But thats another story
Sun Stealer
Experienced
- Aug 19, 2018
- 220
Am sorry your family were like that. Do you have any good friends? i got no family or friends for many miles
Sun Stealer
Experienced
- Aug 19, 2018
- 220
Same for me, i really wanted to go yesterday but im thinking of the pain it will cause now. I know it would not be a huge surprise for them but would still hurt
No. This zone is filled with selfishness, discrimination and betrayal for everyone. Also a lot of radicalism and homophobia which affects to people like me.
They treated me like shit (they call me shit sometimes...)
Now, I see everything in other way.
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Sun Stealer
Experienced
- Aug 19, 2018
- 220
Well i hope and pray you find a sense in life as you are so young. Im 50 and have lived a lot, through terrible times and good ones, so just know that it IS possible to find something in life even though you may get drawn back to rock bottom at times
Sun Stealer
Experienced
- Aug 19, 2018
- 220
Tiburcio i only joined yesterday but am saddened that such things are occurring on this site. Please feel free to talk to me if you like im not any of those things
Slacker
⋔⊬ ☌⍜⎅, ⟟⏁´⌇ ⎎⎍⌰⌰ ⍜⎎ ⌿⍜⌰⟟☊⟒
- Aug 17, 2018
- 298
whats a sgit???
Do u still live at home?
Do u live in a homophic area?
Here in my country people are like:
To be gay is not ok. Its even super cool and in. And outing is something normal....
Sun Stealer
Experienced
- Aug 19, 2018
- 220
Ive got my own place. I live alone as i cant take what the world has to offer, just full of lies etc
Sun Stealer
Experienced
- Aug 19, 2018
- 220
Thanks for your kindness.
Yeah when I joined I thought the same. It's tragic.
Mistake
Yes and yes.
The only thing I'm not ripped in the street is I like women too, I have to focus on their only for not making others suspect I like men. Fucking repression.
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Sun Stealer
Experienced
- Aug 19, 2018
- 220
Everyone should have the right to be who they are unless it hurts others. If i see such abuse on here someone will get an earfulThanks for your kindness.
Yeah when I joined I thought the same. It's tragic.
Mistake
Yes and yes.
The only thing I'm not ripped in the street is I like women too, I have to focus on their only for not making others susoect I like men. Fucking repression.
You seem to be a kind person. What situation brought you here?
Slacker
⋔⊬ ☌⍜⎅, ⟟⏁´⌇ ⎎⎍⌰⌰ ⍜⎎ ⌿⍜⌰⟟☊⟒
- Aug 17, 2018
- 298
Thanks for your kindness.
Mistake
Yes and yes.
The only thing I'm not ripped in the street is I like women too, I have to focus on their only for not making others susoect I like men. Fucking repression.
thats tough. I feel sorry 4 u. But u know, this will end, u will get a job, can get out of this shit house, away from this shit people who hate u, start YOUR life, and live your life like U want, and fuck who u want.
How old are u? Hope its ok that I ask.
Slacker
⋔⊬ ☌⍜⎅, ⟟⏁´⌇ ⎎⎍⌰⌰ ⍜⎎ ⌿⍜⌰⟟☊⟒
- Aug 17, 2018
- 298
Sun Stealer
Experienced
- Aug 19, 2018
- 220
A real sob story, tissues at ready. I married the love of my life 2 years ago but it did not work out for the only reason is i dont believe the bible word for word. She lives on the other side of world from me so we hardly see each other despite our continued love. She has now start dating again and its ripping me to shreds, even though i want her to and support her in it as the only other adult in her life is her very abusing first husband
Sun Stealer
Experienced
- Aug 19, 2018
- 220
Yes you deserve a chance to move somewhere where you are accepted as you
I don't find it worthy at all and I can't and don't want to endure or struggle with more shit... I'm done.
Also, I can't get rid of childhood traumas which fucked me up. Just no, I'll die.
Sun Stealer
Experienced
- Aug 19, 2018
- 220
Slacker
⋔⊬ ☌⍜⎅, ⟟⏁´⌇ ⎎⎍⌰⌰ ⍜⎎ ⌿⍜⌰⟟☊⟒
- Aug 17, 2018
- 298
Its your decision. I wish u good Luck. Hope u succeed with whatever u want.
But: your Avatar Pic is like: Let´s smoke weed jaaaay :), right?
Thanks for your understanding. I keep at least 6 years fighting for escaping of this situation but my limit is reached.
It's cool eh?
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