Venting Have you ever been happy?

[themisfit]

I mean, has there ever been a period in your life when you where happy, or something like that?

What do you miss about it?

What happened that you ended up here on this forum?

 

[ravendrops]

I think when I was really young laying in sunlight. And every bit of time with my kids.
But there's not much happiness in supply

 

[idfwlnh]

I mean, has there ever been a period in your life when you where happy, or something like that?

I was really happy when I was still best friends with my old best friend M. I was also really happy when I was with my ex Q. Those two are just the loveliest people in the world to me. Even now, I still love both of them, but I wish I could add "vice versa" here.

What do you miss about it?

I missed those times when I skipped class with M, talking endless hours on games and movies, going to M's house to spend the whole day. I missed the times when Q was there when I need, I miss the dates we went together, the stories and the promises we share.

What happened that you ended up here on this forum?

I'm here just because I want to learn more info, meet more people and have somewhere to write my thoughts. Nothing special

 

[bl33ding_heart]

The last time I was genuinely happy was in 2019 when I was 11 years old. After that my bpd started really settling in. I didn't have an easy childhood at all, but at least I was naive enough to find some sort of happiness through it.

 

[Hystearical]

Not as a general state

 

[mikidagreen]

when i was a kid until 10. even on my wedding day i felt bad for being the way i am and tying her to me.

 

[FuneralCry]

No as existing is torture, I'd only be happy to never exist ever again, for me non-existence is just all that's positive in this existence so dreadful and torturous and there's just so much evil and cruelty in this terrible, torturous existence, all I want is peace from the evil of existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel.

I'll just always see existence as the most terrible mistake that just tortures existing beings and the suffering of existing is endless, to me simply just existing is torture, I find it torture to be burdened with this painful, dreadful existence. This existence just never should had been imposed at all and it's just so terrible how it was causing all this dreadful suffering as a result, to suffer in this existence is just always an abomination to me, it's so horrible and painful how a human can be tortured in this existence for so long just to face the terrible agony of old age.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

When I was a young kid I was happy. Still had problems, but i was happy mostly.

I miss not being able to understand Depression, and suicide. I remember truly not getting it at all.

I ended up here for many reasons.

 

[bpdscared9]

I was always told from my parents that I was a very happy child but I always remember being an introvert and often being forced and push into socialize with different kids when I was a little girl. Despite of their judgment about my own self, I think I had times when I was pretty much happy like sharing experiences with partners and close friends and also, some time lapses when I went through the most darkest times of my life. I wouldn't call myself happy now but at least I don't feel as miserable as I used to during my teen years!

 

[Escargot]

I feel that when I was younger, perhaps more oblivious really, I could feel happy at some points. But now that Im older, and have seen what life is, I don't have the ability to feel happy. Happiness in a way feels like a foreign concept, something I am unable to achieve. Sometimes I get delirious and con myself into pretending to be happy, and then things get even worse when I come back to my senses then crash down.

Its an unwavering cycle which is frankly miserable.

 

[Aflame5926]

i think i was never really happy in my life. just played the happy part. till the ball came and had to show whats inside.

 

[stevie23]

Before my parents moved. I was extremely happy and actually felt like I belong somewhere. Now, I'm just a loner and hate everything and everyone.

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

Yes but my stupid hangups and my generally fucked up personality prevented me from ever using that time to the fullest
I'd get high and watch star trek. Lots of movies. Even a little bit of reading. Everything was calm, no one expected anything of me. But it was unsustainable and temporary. And still a very passive lifestyle.

 

[Defenestration]

When I was a child/pre-teen I was always extremely anxious, but I never thought about suicide.

In July /august 2007 i was happy

 

[darksouls]

no, I was already severely depressed as a child

 

[PanaxMan]

I mean, has there ever been a period in your life when you where happy, or something like that?

What do you miss about it?

What happened that you ended up here on this forum?

When I was 7 with 0 worries in the world. Then I learned the evils of humanity and what a rabbit hole that was

 

[byec560]

Idk the last time I was happy for a super extended period of time, but I was relatively happy during my last (and only real) romantic relationship. But I do think I look at that period with rose-colored glasses because I definitely found a lot to bitch about back then too.

 

[Bishop]

As a child without any burdens of life. Then adulthood came along.

 

[Defenestration]

no, I was already severely depressed as a child

Me very anxious but not deprimed

 

[thelostautistic]

I'm sure there was a time where I probably was. Maybe as a very young child. But I don't really remember much before age ten so I can't say. I've had happy moments since I became depressed but I don't think I've felt happy or content with my life since then. I'm just a sad person who occasionally has happy moments.

 

[AuraByte]

Before I was 11 years old. Everything was just downhill after that lol.

I miss those days, I can't lie.

 

[hurts2b]

I have never been happy. I've only ever had periods of "fine" or "okay". The best 2 years of my life could be described as "occupied" and "cautiously optimistic".

I really don't understand how a person could go about their day and just feel like.... things are pretty good...all the time? I can't achieve such a state except under the influence.

I also don't understand how someone can be nostalgic. Nothing "felt simple" to me as a child, it only felt more confusing and overwhelming. I was not sheltered from the world.

I've had periods that were much harder than my life in the present.
But still, I am generally sick of it all. I hate "being resilient". I have no prospects and no money. I am a failure and I make my own issues worse.

I haven't found an environment where it's possible for me to thrive. And I am tired of looking.

 

[inconclusivesorbet]

Yes in mania I think i was happy and I was also happy in love. I haven't been consistently happy since 2019. I miss having any emotion outside of pure misery.
Now I dont believe I deserve joy or happiness because of what I have done.

 

[ThunderBringer]

I don't believe I've ever been happy. Not the way it's been described to me. There's always been an underlying sadness in everything I do ever since I was old enough to think anything. Maybe if I get enough money to consistently stay on my meds I'll be able to embrace all there allegedly is to be happy about in life, but who knows

 

[ImInPain]

I mean, has there ever been a period in your life when you where happy, or something like that?

What do you miss about it?

What happened that you ended up here on this forum?

There are moments when I am overjoyed and everything is amazing despite nothing having really changed. The majority of the time I am extremely depressed and cannot even fathom those happy moments that I logically know happened. I think a big part how severe my depression is in the moment is how much control I feel over myself and my life. Sometimes something upsetting can happen and I brush it off and sometimes the same thing can be absolutely catastrophic and send me over the edge to an attempt. Maybe also the chemicals act up for no known reason to me.

 

[Spite]

I have. I have been happy. Not much though. I'd say easily 85% of my whole life has consisted of bad experiences, with only ~15% of my life genuinely being good and worthwhile.

I think the only times in my life where I have ever felt truly happy over a significant period of time are when I was very young, and my NEET years - 2016-2020. The time of my life when I was unemployed, had no ambitions, and had disconnected from the world and wasn't participating in society is when I felt happiest. Isn't that funny?

I've said it already on this site but I think my life peaked in 2018. Yes I had two small stints in college between 2016-2020, but I remember 2018 being a pretty good year. I do remember being somewhat happy and content with life at that time. I spent the first half of 2018 in college and the second half of the year as a full-time NEET, but regardless of my circumstances, I remember feeling like I had a future to look forward to, that life was going to get better as I grew up. I used to jump out of bed in the morning and not feel the incessant urge to end myself like I do now. I used to have hope. I used to have some zest for life.

God I wish I could go back...

 

[Forever Sleep]

It was more the exception- rather than the rule. I wouldn't say it happened long enough to call it being happy as a state.

I've had periods I was more neutral though. Also, more intensely suicidal.