Hate having a physical body

[PrettyWhiteFlower]

Does anyone else hate having a physical body? I've always hated the way I look no matter what I do. Ever since I was a small child. Even though I know that honestly I do fit societies standards and I've never found getting attention for my looks hard but it still doesn't matter. I can't find a single thing about my physical appearance that I wouldn't change. I'd I had the money I would get so much surgery. But it's not just that. Sometimes I get overly conscious of the fact I have a physical form with sensations. I've read similar things from other autistic people but I don't know if it's just that. The other year I suddenly became obsessed with the sensation that I could feel my hair touch the top of my back and it drove me crazy to the point I had to go and cut my own hair off. I hate that I have pores and hair follicles. I hate how my skin feels on me. Sometimes I get so stressed and over stimulated that I get the urge to just rip my skin off. But it doesn't feel scary or gross. In my mind it just comes off like a cover and there's no blood or organs just blue light. Sometimes I wish I had some kind of robot body. All clean and smooth like I was produced by Apple.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Yes! I have always felt that way, feeling uncomfortable in a physical body. I don't like the way it feels, I don't like anything about it. I don't like eating, it feels weird going through the sleep/wake cycle, I don't like being touched (which rarely happens anyway thankfully). It's all awkward.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I see it as the most torturous, futile burden to exist and I suffer simply from being enslaved in this existence and to me existence really is enslavement as after all I was forced to be conscious burdened with this existence I never would had chosen capable of suffering to endless and unlimited extents yet I'm denied the option to cease existing peacefully and it's all just so dreadful to me. More than anything I wish I never suffered, I'd just never wish to be conscious of anything at all, to me existence truly does feel like the most terrible mistake that just causes harm and suffering.

 

[timechained]

I wish I could just be awareness itself...

 

[PrettyWhiteFlower]

I wish I could just be awareness itself...

Yes. When I dream I tend to be watching over other people doing stuff like I'm watching a movie rather that doing stuff myself.

 

[bankai]

in the next few decades these options will exist. we are approaching ever closer to it.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yes i hate being a bag of 30 trillion cells, an animal, just chemical reactions , and a brain that can suffer unending constant unbearable pain

 

[Alexandra0]

I guess I hate everything about myself, from head to toe, every atom that makes me up.