Has anyone told you to die?

[copioushopelessness]

I've been told to thousands of times for the past 8 years by someone I gave too many chances to. They have also talked ill of the dead, my parents. His own cousins. He told his cousin to kill himself then he did.
Among MANY other shitty things that was said to me. I should've stopped talking to him the first time but each time I tried to defend myself or give him chances to redeem himself it would go back to the same shit. I didn't realize that even though I've always had a tough life it wasn't so bad until I met him. In fact I had a lot going for me. Or at least "potential" everyone kept telling me to live up to my potential..Sure I had trauma and severe health problems but besides that it was mostly peaceful. I wish I could go back at least a decade and do so many things differently. A path that wouldnt of led me to being insecure enough to meet someone like him. He sabotaged my whole life in many ways. Isolated me. Humiliated me. Made me act out of character to the point of destroying my own life. I lost what should've been my best years. I lost my mind. My health declined further..
"You're all alone, your parents are dead, you're going to die alone." I wish my ctb wouldnt give some people the sick satisfaction of being right. People were wrong about me until I let them turn me into something I didn't want to be.

 

[ScaredCutter]

online ive been told to die, but its all bark no bite there unless they wanna go big and bold and stalk my socials. only the worse of them all will have the balls to tell somebody to die and to be even more extreme about their way of "convincing" u to do it. people poke where it hurts most, ur vunerability. theyll even carry it over to other family, whether its urs or their own, even a friend of urs.

i remember a case of a young girl who killed herself because of bullying and they kept on bullying her despite being dead already. i still remember the story and where i heard it. people are just ruthless beings who dont care until they are placed into the situation. its all fun and games to them, if they face no consequences, whos gonna stop them? i wish people were sent to prison for pushing people to suicide for their own satisfaction.

 

[trulyautistic]

yes ive been tolled to kill myself from my parents and people in school when i went ive been robbed mocked recorded put online beat bullied multiple times in my life and ive never done anything to deserve that all i ever wanted was to be treated like a human.

 

[copioushopelessness]

online ive been told to die, but its all bark no bite there unless they wanna go big and bold and stalk my socials. only the worse of them all will have the balls to tell somebody to die and to be even more extreme about their way of "convincing" u to do it. people poke where it hurts most, ur vunerability. theyll even carry it over to other family, whether its urs or their own, even a friend of urs.

i remember a case of a young girl who killed herself because of bullying and they kept on bullying her despite being dead already. i still remember the story and where i heard it. people are just ruthless beings who dont care until they are placed into the situation. its all fun and games to them, if they face no consequences, whos gonna stop them? i wish people were sent to prison for pushing people to suicide for their own satisfaction.

Some people are sent to prison for it. The majority aren't.
I guess instead of getting upset and saying my own choice words I should've gathered evidence, at least for a restraining order, at least so the few who think about me sometimes know I was pushed to it. Unfortunately life has given me many bad circumstances, poor health, poverty, no support system, so I feel as though I have to do this anyway but I just don't want a few people to get sick satisfaction out of it. Especially him. Also my ex who I have children with drove me to this, he said he will be "sad but relieved" when I die. He didnt say it thousands of times like the other person did but he did plenty. One is a more silent violent abusive type and the other is verbal and manipulative. My own father told me to OD, although I know he didn't want me to actually act on it as he took guns away from me.. he's gone now..
So two people who took many years from me. I'm only here because I don't want to hurt my children, but I've been too sick to care for them like I used to and my fucked up ex has them.. my body is failing anyway and I'm not sure that even if I died naturally now would it be any less traumatic for them? I don't care much about anyone else anymore they didnt care about me. I used to have too much empathy for the wrong people.
There's also some people who may gossip about my untimely death. Or even worse they choose to feel bad when it's too late. Feeling sorry for them damn selves. Most won't care much at all, probably won't even be surprised. I don't want it seen as a selfish decision, if anything I shouldve given up being a burden before everyone gave up on me. I'm alone. Have been for a long time.
I wish I had had the strength to not allow certain things, but I've been abused and bullied my whole life. I opened up to some people and they used it as ammo. I'm as good as dead already. I fear I don't have much time left. I guess who cares what people think or say when I'm gone. I just don't want to hurt anyone but I don't see many reasons to hold on anymore. Or even have the means to take care of myself anymore. Ive been spending what savings I had on take-out because I cant even get to the grocery store and my love of cooking is a thing of the past.

yes ive been tolled to kill myself from my parents and people in school when i went ive been robbed mocked recorded put online beat bullied multiple times in my life and ive never done anything to deserve that all i ever wanted was to be treated like a human.

I'm so sorry! You deserve so much more.

 

[eyenumbing]

my own mother told me to kill myself when i was 16. even after i went to a psychward, my parents never took my mental health seriously and made jokes about sending me back whenever i seemed depressed.

 

[Spite]

Yes but only a couple of times - my father told me I should kill myself, as well as a few people from when I was in school.

 

[copioushopelessness]

my own mother told me to kill myself when i was 16. even after i went to a psychward, my parents never took my mental health seriously and made jokes about sending me back whenever i seemed depressed.

I can relate. My mother told me I was a mistake all the time. My father could get quite abusive as well. Anytime they abused me to the point of me reacting they would have me sent away either to wards or boarding schools and claim I was abusive to them.. for finally standing up for myself. Then the medications that ruined my life. My whole family shit on me. Yes and the jokes.. everyone cracking jokes like it wasn't veiled abuse. I have a twisted sense of humor because I was taught that but there's only so much being the brunt of the joke one can take.

my own mother told me to kill myself when i was 16. even after i went to a psychward, my parents never took my mental health seriously and made jokes about sending me back whenever i seemed depressed.

I can relate. My mother told me I was a mistake all the time. My father could get quite abusive as well. Anytime they abused me to the point of me reacting they would have me sent away either to wards or boarding schools and claim I was abusive to them.. for finally standing up for myself. Then the medications that ruined my life. My whole family shit on me. Yes and the jokes.. everyone cracking jokes like it wasn't veiled abuse. I have a twisted sense of humor because I was taught that but there's only so much being the brunt of the joke

Yes but only a couple of times - my father told me I should kill myself, as well as a few people from when I was in school.

I'm sorry. People really are cruel.

 

[vascomorrow]

I've been told to thousands of times for the past 8 years by someone I gave too many chances to. They have also talked ill of the dead, my parents. His own cousins. He told his cousin to kill himself then he did.
Among MANY other shitty things that was said to me. I should've stopped talking to him the first time but each time I tried to defend myself or give him chances to redeem himself it would go back to the same shit. I didn't realize that even though I've always had a tough life it wasn't so bad until I met him. In fact I had a lot going for me. Or at least "potential" everyone kept telling me to live up to my potential..Sure I had trauma and severe health problems but besides that it was mostly peaceful. I wish I could go back at least a decade and do so many things differently. A path that wouldnt of led me to being insecure enough to meet someone like him. He sabotaged my whole life in many ways. Isolated me. Humiliated me. Made me act out of character to the point of destroying my own life. I lost what should've been my best years. I lost my mind. My health declined further..
"You're all alone, your parents are dead, you're going to die alone." I wish my ctb wouldnt give some people the sick satisfaction of being right. People were wrong about me until I let them turn me into something I didn't want to be.

Ive been told to die, a girlfriend even pulled a knife on me, i had to grab her wrist and defend myself.
I think the best revenge would be to succeed and kick ass in life. Some people are just pieces of shit.

Goodluck. Hugs

 

[whiskeyblanket]

In high school, I was told by dozens of people on a daily basis that I should kill myself. Of those people, several also told me that if I didn't kill myself, they would do it for me. Some of them brought weapons to school and stalked me outside of school. The teacher who had power to stop it was more interested in flirting with and sexually harassing me (I'm a teacher now so I understand boundaries and such for teachers and students, and it was so much worse than I realized at the time). The idea of suicide in middle school for me was a last resort to end suffering; in high school, it became a means of control (I'm going to die by their hands or mine, and I don't want to give them the satisfaction). I like to think that my survival at age 36 is more a matter of their incompetence than mine, even though I've made several attempts to ctb. It's the only thing that keeps me going.

 

[bakenohana]

I haven't had much social interaction outside of the internet for many years and the internet is a cesspool of people telling you to die so i would say yes. a lot of my friends tell me to just kill myself already since I've been talking about it for so long which I don't really take to heart since I've been desensitized to people telling me i should die for a long time

 

[copioushopelessness]

Ive been told to die, a girlfriend even pulled a knife on me, i had to grab her wrist and defend myself.
I think the best revenge would be to succeed and kick ass in life. Some people are just pieces of shit.

Goodluck. Hugs

I'm sorry you've been through that.
Yeah, I wish I had the strength, health, and resources to pull that off. I should've taken the opportunity earlier in life. Thank you. Let's hope for a miracle.
I hope you kickass in life, remember the underdogs like me when you do!

 

[vascomorrow]

I'm sorry you've been through that.
Yeah, I wish I had the strength, health, and resources to pull that off. I should've taken the opportunity earlier in life. Thank you. Let's hope for a miracle.
I hope you kickass in life, remember the underdogs like me when you do!

You sound very sweet and pleasant.

I feel like ive lost everything in life. No family, my woman ctb, no assets, no friends, nobody I really talk to, little money. I basically just go to work go home then get drunk every night.

I keep thinking about finding a way to move to southeast Asia and just trying to live off the land. And its such a far fetched dream, could even argue its stupid really. But thats the thing im trying to cling on to anyways. Saving money and trying to escape this life im in right now.

 

[DonLockwood]

I got told to kill myself multiple times growing up in school. I think I was the only kids in the school that was on the spectrum. Natrually that singled me out and I had few friends. Most were outright hostile to me and few were indifferent. Teachers didn't do much either to stop it. 'Normie Sadism' I think is the term thats often thrown around online applies here.

 

[GyreOfAsh]

Yeah but it was mostly always playful. I'm sure some randoms online meant it but I never cared what they thought.

 

[copioushopelessness]

In high school, I was told by dozens of people on a daily basis that I should kill myself. Of those people, several also told me that if I didn't kill myself, they would do it for me. Some of them brought weapons to school and stalked me outside of school. The teacher who had power to stop it was more interested in flirting with and sexually harassing me (I'm a teacher now so I understand boundaries and such for teachers and students, and it was so much worse than I realized at the time). The idea of suicide in middle school for me was a last resort to end suffering; in high school, it became a means of control (I'm going to die by their hands or mine, and I don't want to give them the satisfaction). I like to think that my survival at age 36 is more a matter of their incompetence than mine, even though I've made several attempts to ctb. It's the only thing that keeps me going.

Middle school-Highschool is such a rough age. My daughter will be in highschool next year and I worry about her. She already claims to be suicidal. I didnt tell her I've felt that way since her age.
I'm sorry you wen

I haven't had much social interaction outside of the internet for many years and the internet is a cesspool of people telling you to die so i would say yes. a lot of my friends tell me to just kill myself already since I've been talking about it for so long which I don't really take to heart since I've been desensitized to people telling me i should die for a long time

I haven't had much social reaction in a long time too. So much so I feel feral, like I have no clue how to socialize. Even on the internet I'm mostly just lurking.
I'm not sure how to feel about that. We are in fact on a forum about suicide. I don't want friends to suffer but I also don't want them to die, catch 22 I suppose. This forum has really been the only thing I've related to for a year. I hope you find joy in this life.

Yeah but it was mostly always playful. I'm sure some randoms online meant it but I never cared what they thought.

Randos on the internet are savage. I follow some pages of people with disabilities and the comments are cruel. Or the mental health groups meant to support eachother squabbling. I always find it odd when someone comments something particularly cruel then you got to their page and their bio says something about God, I'm like whatever Mary. I'm glad you don't care what they think.

Middle school-Highschool is such a rough age. My daughter will be in highschool next year and I worry about her. She already claims to be suicidal. I didnt tell her I've felt that way since her age.
I'm sorry you wen

I haven't had much social reaction in a long time too. So much so I feel feral, like I have no clue how to socialize. Even on the internet I'm mostly just lurking.
I'm not sure how to feel about that. We are in fact on a forum about suicide. I don't want friends to suffer but I also don't want them to die, catch 22 I suppose. This forum has really been the only thing I've related to for a year. I hope you find joy in this life.

Randos on the internet are savage. I follow some pages of people with disabilities and the comments are cruel. Or the mental health groups meant to support eachother squabbling. I always find it odd when someone comments something particularly cruel then you got to their page and their bio says something about God, I'm like whatever Mary. I'm glad you don't care what they think.

My best friend and I have always joked about suicide because we truly feel that way. I remember during a storm a tree fell through her roof and onto her bed while we were watching a movie. She pushed me to the ground then we both hightailed it out of her room. She said "ya know for two suicidal bitches we sure hit the deck quick." I was thinking hmm I havent admitted that to you in years, since we were kids way to assume but yeah lol. That damn survival instinct. Not as strong these days. She tried to get me to visit but I've been feeling so low I didn't go. I don't want her to know how close I am to it. Although she does know how sick I am physically, I spent two weeks in the hospital. She came to see me. We don't see eachother much. Maybe I should go see her even if it is one last time.. I guess I am starting to worry who this might affect. Sorry for so many rambling words. I've barely spoke in two years.

I got told to kill myself multiple times growing up in school. I think I was the only kids in the school that was on the spectrum. Natrually that singled me out and I had few friends. Most were outright hostile to me and few were indifferent. Teachers didn't do much either to stop it. 'Normie Sadism' I think is the term thats often thrown around online applies here.

"Normie sadism" I haven't heard that one yet. Ha, makes total sense. I think I may be on the spectrum as well, or at least my friends claim I am. What would you call self hating autistic sadism? I once heard from someone else most likely on the spectrum that autists typically don't like other autists. That it clashes.

In high school, I was told by dozens of people on a daily basis that I should kill myself. Of those people, several also told me that if I didn't kill myself, they would do it for me. Some of them brought weapons to school and stalked me outside of school. The teacher who had power to stop it was more interested in flirting with and sexually harassing me (I'm a teacher now so I understand boundaries and such for teachers and students, and it was so much worse than I realized at the time). The idea of suicide in middle school for me was a last resort to end suffering; in high school, it became a means of control (I'm going to die by their hands or mine, and I don't want to give them the satisfaction). I like to think that my survival at age 36 is more a matter of their incompetence than mine, even though I've made several attempts to ctb. It's the only thing that keeps me going.

Sorry I didn't finsish my thought and it posted. I was getting spammed with calls saying "you probably should just kill yourself then."
I bet you're a wonderfully understanding teacher.

 

[LittleSunshine]

yes ive been tolled to kill myself from my parents and people in school when i went ive been robbed mocked recorded put online beat bullied multiple times in my life and ive never done anything to deserve that all i ever wanted was to be treated like a human.

I'm so sorry to hear you've had to endure all of that. Some people are truly despicable! You deserve love, kindness and to be treated with dignity. I wish you much strength!

 

[copioushopelessness]

You sound very sweet and pleasant.

I feel like ive lost everything in life. No family, my woman ctb, no assets, no friends, nobody I really talk to, little money. I basically just go to work go home then get drunk every night.

I keep thinking about finding a way to move to southeast Asia and just trying to live off the land. And its such a far fetched dream, could even argue its stupid really. But thats the thing im trying to cling on to anyways. Saving money and trying to escape this life im in right now.

After I finally stopped crying, I am about to again (probably too dehydrated to) reading your reply. I know how losing everything is. Thanks for believing I can be sweet. Ive heard it now and then throughout my life but didn't believe it. I had spent a lot of time angry too, but I think deep down, I am realizing I sweet and empathetic and that's why I've been hurt so much.
I'm sorry to hear about your partner. Im sorry for her pain, and yours. I hope she's truly at peace. I hope we all find peace somehow. I know that's the most common phrase here, but, you can't see my facial expression. Im truly sorry.
Hearing things like that make me hope there is some type of afterlife where they are looking out for us, but also the thought of an afterlife is terrifying. Loneliness is a fucking killer. I lost my only close friend to suicide, been lost without him..
I suck at talking these days but if you ever need to talk to someone I'll listen, even if I don't say much. I guess I'm feeling talkative today. Trying to reach out to people before I go. People who understand. I wish we didn't feel this crushing loneliness and lack of resources.
Keep thinking about living off the land in a far-away place. Daydreams were the only thing that kept me going until one day they stopped and the nightmares began.. I hope get a piece of land somewhere special someday.

 

[ShadowedChaos]

I've been told to kill myself numerous times in my life and at different points people are just cruel sometimes.

 

[kuroshimi]

No one told me directly, but I still felt some contempt from my parents and their disappointment in me. They probably think about it, but never told me so.

 

[Lucid7972]

Elon Musk: buddy, you can start with yourself

 

[copioushopelessness]

I've been told to kill myself numerous times in my life and at different points people are just cruel sometimes.

I'm sorry! Why are people like this.. we deserve better. I don't want anyone to kill themselves but I understand the despair.
Makes me wonder how many people would feel remorse vs how many people who would just blame us and mock our suicide.

I've been told to kill myself numerous times in my life and at different points people are just cruel sometimes.

I'm sorry

Elon Musk: buddy, you can start with yourself

ha! He has such a punchable face. Thanks for lightening the mood even though that guy puts people in a bad mood. Hate that guy.
Why are people like this.. we deserve better. I don't want anyone to kill themselves but I understand the despair.
Makes me wonder how many people would feel remorse vs how many people who would just blame us and mock our suicide.

No one told me directly, but I still felt some contempt from my parents and their disappointment in me. They probably think about it, but never told me so.

Contempt is a killer.

No one told me directly, but I still felt some contempt from my parents and their disappointment in me. They probably think about it, but never told me so.

Contempt is a killer.

Elon Musk: buddy, you can start with yourself

Replies got mixed up but yeah lol

 

[ShadowedChaos]

I'm sorry! Why are people like this.. we deserve better. I don't want anyone to kill themselves but I understand the despair.
Makes me wonder how many people would feel remorse vs how many people who would just blame us and mock our suicide.

I'm sorry

ha! He has such a punchable face. Thanks for lightening the mood even though that guy puts people in a bad mood. Hate that guy.
Why are people like this.. we deserve better. I don't want anyone to kill themselves but I understand the despair.
Makes me wonder how many people would feel remorse vs how many people who would just blame us and mock our suicide.

Contempt is a killer.

Contempt is a killer.

Replies got mixed up but yeah lol

Its not a joke and I hate people who use it or even say it at all like I have a really dark sense of humor and all but it can really affect people and people never know if they'll say it to the wrong person. A lot of people mock suicide or say terrible things about people who kill themselves and its sick that our world has gotten to that place where people feel they have to take their own lives. Its also sad that people say they care about it or mental health or anything in general but as soon as its inconvenient too them they don't care. People just need to be better to each other and the world would be a better place

 

[carfemtanyl]

well my mum did lol

 

[ArteriesBindEveryon]

I talked about suicide a lot in the fifth grade to the point where my frustrated teacher asked why I hadn't done it yet.

 

[DonLockwood]

What would you call self hating autistic sadism? I once heard from someone else most likely on the spectrum that autists typically don't like other autists. That it clashes.

I've caught myself doing that a few times. I think its something like Autism Masking where you dont want to out yourself infront of others whilst on the spectrum yourself. Especially when someone else there is on the spectrum. There might be an offical term for it but I haven't found it.

 

[Honeybee]

I've definitely been told to online, but nothing that actually meant something considering the internet is just kinda like that lol

My bestfriend told me to, a few times, when they were very very angry.

 

[copioushopelessness]

I've definitely been told to online, but nothing that actually meant something considering the internet is just kinda like that lol

My bestfriend told me to, a few times, when they were very very angry.

I understand being very angry but I hope they at least redeemed themselves.
I know sometimes people say things they don't mean but it still hurts. What hurts even worse is when you think they didn't mean it but they did (not saying that about your friend) just in general. I forgave some very cruel things thinking people didn't mean it then turns out they didnt care and I hurt myself my whole life thinking they would care.
Getting some people to even admit what they did is impossible.
And yeah the internet is trash more than ever.

I understand being very angry but I hope they at least redeemed themselves.
I know sometimes people say things they don't mean but it still hurts. What hurts even worse is when you think they didn't mean it but they did (not saying that about your friend) just in general. I forgave some very cruel things thinking people didn't mean it then turns out they didnt care and I hurt myself my whole life thinking they would care.
Getting some people to even admit what they did is impossible.
And yeah the internet is trash more than ever.

People are really ballsy and callous even more so behind a keyboard.

 

[Honeybee]

I understand being very angry but I hope they at least redeemed themselves.
I know sometimes people say things they don't mean but it still hurts. What hurts even worse is when you think they didn't mean it but they did (not saying that about your friend) just in general. I forgave some very cruel things thinking people didn't mean it then turns out they didnt care and I hurt myself my whole life thinking they would care.

They did, and they didn't mean it. It was one of those "say the most awful thing(s) I can think of to hurt you because I feel threatened by something" moments? Which does not make it okay, but it at least explains why they said it.

 

[copioushopelessness]

They did, and they didn't mean it. It was one of those "say the most awful thing(s) I can think of to hurt you because I feel threatened by something" moments? Which does not make it okay, but it at least explains why they said it.

Yeah it's more forgivable when they go back to being the person you like. I guess some people don't have it in them. I miss my bestfriend. Oh did he piss me off sometimes but he always more than redeemed himself. It's about weighing the pros and cons I guess. The day he finally started admitting that I don't need even more on my plate and recognizing it. I saw so much growth in our relationship before he passed.. We had so much more to accomplish. So many unfinished art projects and meals to enjoy together. I wish I could've saved him. At least he went quickly though..We both said some things but his mental illness usually started it. I recognized he wasn't himself in those moments. I'd rather fight with my best friend than listen to anyone's else's bullshit. He was at least right a lot of the time and we'd talk about it.
He was the only one who was there for me anytime. Sorry for the rants everyone. Idk how much more time I have left.. I have a feeling not long.