Has anyone lost a loved one to suicide? Do you sometimes feel envious?

[WhenTheSunHits95]

A couple people i've loved deeply have successfuly CTB. I consistenyl felt a sense of envy coupled with the grief and sadness. I feel crazy for this feeling. I miss them so much but I also hope to have the balls to do what they did.

 

[strawberry_lemons]

I lost my Boyfriend to a sucessful cbt attempt i wasnt in time to stop. i felt mostly anger at him for leaving me and contempt for the fact i was alone but also very sad. i wish everyday that an afterlife exists just so i can love him again after i CTB.

 

[polka slide]

not exactly, but someone im close to lost their sibling to suicide and i feel like a terrible person for saying this, but i feel envy sometimes, i just wish i could do what they did.

 

[stillvoices]

I envy every single person who successfully escapes. I've only had one person in my family to succeed and I wasn't alive yet. My mom tried but didn't. Eventually she passed of cancer but she had been ready. I don't understand how she could attempt it but thinks I had only done it for attention. Makes no sense.

 

[UnwillingSavior]

A grandparent of mine did and it scarred my parent that was related to them. My parent was young. I hate to think of having my parent experience loss of another family member (their child of all people), but it resulted to some coping techniques that resulted in my being here. I was an accident that my parents came to love, but now I'm their medium of living their dreams. I don't want this, never did, regardless of the objectively spoiled life I've been given. What's the point if I can't live it the way I want?

 

[luisamanequim]

My favorite uncle cbt when I was a small child, what impacted me the most was as I got older I realized how he was screaming for help but no one helped him, I don't fell envy or anything probably because I miss him so much and I wish I could've helped him but I was only a child and didn't know what was happening but I can't stop not feeling guilty. My dad found his body, he hanged himself on a low tree branch behind my grandma's house, none of the adults cared about us (the children) idk I'm just venting rn sorry. tdlr: I don't feel envy bc I miss him so much and I wish he didn't do it but at the same time I understand him and our family would only make him feel worst if he stayed.

 

[subhuman metalhead]

Three of my uncles died by suicide. One stopped taking his meds, the other overdosed, the third shot himself in the back of the head. I don't envy them in the traditional sense but I envy them in a different sense. I don't envy that they went through so much pain, but I envy that they were able to go out peacefully and without much judgement.