Discussion Has anyone here lost someone to suicide?

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

I lost my carer to suicide in August 2019 and he meant everything to me, I realized that after a month no one seemed to care and so it has actually motivated me to end my life. I have two proper attempts and some practices. Now my friend on here is dead I have no reason left to stay. I would say suicide isn't selfish but it is selfish when they make promises to you that they can't keep. I don't see a future and so I need to hurry up and end my life.

 

[Makethispaingo]

I lost a cousin (who I saw as a brother) to suicide a few years back. He died via hanging and was only 19 at the time. I'm glad he's finally at peace

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

I lost my cousin and a friend to suicide. I felt and still feel sad that they found life so unbearable but I understand and accept their choice. I wish for them that life wasn't so cruel and that there was help available but life just isn't that kind. I was suicidal before both of them ctb, my views haven't changed.

 

[Soul]

About 2/3rds of my family have committed suicide and it's just made it seem normal to me.

 

[Parsifal64]

And still thinks that people should have the right to die? One of the statements I regularly see pro-lifers make is that if suicidal people lost someone to suicide, they wouldn't think of ending their life because they would experience the pain from "the other side" of those left behind.

Let's reframe the question. Would you let your dog go on in unimaginable pain?

 

[DeadPetal]

I lost my fiancé to suicide and now that I've experienced that pain for myself I do believe in everyone's right to self determination. I go back and forth between being able to live without him and wanting to die. Currently the latter

I lost my fiancé to suicide too.. They say it gets easier but it gets worse: Sometimes I question wether he even loved me to be able to leave me.. but in another mind I think it was an accident..

 

[RedPanda]

Yup, a friend as well as my cousin. Can't wait to join them. Fuck this world and fuck my mother for bringing me into this fucked up place. I'm waiting for travel restrictions to be lifted and i'm heading straight to The Royal Gorge. There isn't any really tall buildings in my country so i will have to travel abroad to jump to my death.

 

[K-O]

this question makes me now wan to chronologically think (a bit drunk but not too much so i can slowly make a list in my head.. and sorry for the ones i will probably forget..)
my grampa, cousin, two uncles, godfather, 2nd family members, friends close family members.. 4 dear friend, 2 lovers, and my soulmate muse heart..
if i was 10 years younger i would take this "pro-life" question more seriously cause i have "prevented close ones from crossing that line when they wanted help.. but today i say that the pain chain that sluiced creates has a great importance, it is a statement it is a legacy it is human fragility, love pain, responsibility.. it should educate the living and push toward kindness and acceptance, shift vain and denial to self\ego less points of view.. pain is important, a gift.. this "burden" should be compost for better evolution..

 

[Ky204]

That's bullshit, I lost my mom to suicide (I was the first to find her body), and I'm still set on taking my life. Everyone should have a right to die, especially if they're suffering or are tormented by their own minds.
If anything I wish she would've told me she was planning to do it so I could've joined her. We even had discussions about it but in the end she couldn't go through with taking her life alongside her daughter.

 

[Élégie]

My grandpa committed suicide a few years ago... It hasn't changed my opinion at all (I am still very pro-choice). He was old and wanted to die on his own terms, which I totally understand and respect.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

And still thinks that people should have the right to die? One of the statements I regularly see pro-lifers make is that if suicidal people lost someone to suicide, they wouldn't think of ending their life because they would experience the pain from "the other side" of those left behind.

My eldest brother shot himself. I am neither afraid of death/dying nor an afterlife of any kind. Never have been, never will be.

 

[Jumper Geo]

Yes I lost two people to suicide one was a good friend I sort of feel guilty as he was my partner in crime when we were younger and we kept getting drunk and stoned and we kept getting arrested for various offences so I had to say one night when he was just about to start a fight No, we keep getting arrested and I lost touch with him and about 8 months later he ctb in his van, pipe from the exhaust through the window the other one was my Aunt who ctb by jumping of Tower Bridge nasty vindictive women but went to her funeral and had fun.

Edit: When we were drunk he always said he will commit suicide one day but we were young so didn't really believe him he was a really good looking chap as well so it was a shock, but I always feel like time stops when I'm at a funeral, you realise one day that will be you and you think about how short life is but then after a few drinks that feeling goes and your back onto automatic pilot.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I've lost a few in real life to this. One was as recent as a few weeks ago. It's definitely an odd experience when it hits so close to home and you see the real world ramifications.

People tend to move on much more quickly vs some other type of death. Atleast anyone that's not like a parent or very close family member.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

I've lost a few in real life to this. One was as recent as a few weeks ago. It's definitely an odd experience when it hits so close to home and you see the real world ramifications.

People tend to move on much more quickly vs some other type of death. Atleast anyone that's not like a parent or very close family member.

Yes, they do...

 

[ssaaahmo]

I almost did on a couple of occasions. At first I was angry...I was a bitch and thought my friend was being selfish...I was scared of losing one of the only people in life I felt like I "clicked" with. Now, my mind has obviously changed, and I have repeatedly apologized to my friend for my reaction. I hate myself for it to this day and if she were to complete suicide, I would be very, very sad, and I'd also understand.

 

[mathieu]

I lost my best friend to suicide, two other friends, my cousin and my uncle. I am still pro-choice. But I know the pain never goes away.

 

[idek]

Yes. In highschool a close friend killed himself with his father's gun. The theory was that he shot himself in the chest in the field behind their house and bled out. He told one person before he died and she didn't believe him. He asked me a week or two before if I thought it was selfish... and I didn't catch on to him being suicidal.
I was suicidal as well, and have been since I was about 12. I told him I didn't think it was selfish - it comes from pain.

I stick to that.

And while it hurt to lose him, I didn't blame him... and I still don't.
I didn't know what demons he was fighting because we never got that deep... but I'm sure they were big.

I feel for him and while I miss him, I'm glad he isn't living through that pain - he's free now, in whatever form that is.

I got a tattoo for him... at the time mostly a reminder to myself about the pain and to fight harder against my mental illness...

But I can assure you that in no time from then to now have I ever judged his choice. The only thing I still really feel about it is an immense sympathy and a wish that I could have helped him somehow.

I know he trusted me somewhat but never enough to tell me what he was fighting. And maybe that's my only regret - in never having expressed that I was going through the same thing so he could have had someone to talk to.

Still, I understand and respect his choice and I hope if there's an afterlife that he's relieved of the pain he lived with.

 

[SanJunipero1]

I lost my fiancé to suicide too.. They say it gets easier but it gets worse: Sometimes I question wether he even loved me to be able to leave me.. but in another mind I think it was an accident..

I know that he loved me. He didn't kill because he didn't, on the contrary, his love for me was one of the factors of his suicide. He knew how much his illness was affecting me and he thought he was protecting me by leaving. Obviously he was wrong on that point but much as my life without him has no value now, I still wouldn't have tried to make him change his mind. No one should have to live with the kind of pain that makes you want able to overcome the impossible task of beating your survival instinct. My only regret is not believing him when he told me he'd been having suicidal thoughts and not offering to go with him.

 

[lovelypirategirl]

10 years ago I made an exchange year abroad and I lived with a beautiful host family that quickly took me in and I suddenly became part of the family unfortunately 5 years ago my host mom killed herself... I miss her dearly she was the mom I never had :(

 

[MBlue]

I did. The pain I feel is hard to deal with. The emptiness, memories... I'm still missing. There is the same question all the time: If there was anything more I could do.
So... whatever you decide guys, please think twice. Propably there is much more people who love you than you realize and they will suffer after you die. Also a lot of them would like to help you if they knew about your condition. At least try...
I'm sending a lot of love
I'm so sorry for you to feel this way.
(Sorry for my English, it's not my national language)

 

[dreaf]

Lost my two brother by hanging.

 

[lesserbohemian]

My ex killed herself when I was eighteen and sent me a message that still haunts me. I have lost two friends to suicide since and I really beat myself up for not realising how bad things were.

 

[Emily_Numb]

I lost my brother in law to Suicide about 6 years ago. He was very depressed (untreated/undiagnosed) but it was still unexpected. It was clearly very well planned out. He bought a cheap used car to use the carbon monoxide method to CTB. It was absolutely horrifying for the family as he had 2 young children and a wife. He left notes for them all which I am told were quite mean/hurtful from what I've heard. I never read them so cant say. This is what has stopped me CTB as I saw the absolute devastation it had on family, friends, work colleagues. It also impacted me massively too and still troubles me all these years later. Had he not taken his own life, I would have definitely taken mine already.
Until you know someone closely who CTB, you will never be able to comprehend the absolute trauma it causes people left behind. It literally passes on your pain to those people.
I guess you could ask why I'm here using this forum? Well, the simple reason is one day my selfishness for wanting the pain to end will exceed that of being bothered about hurting those left to pick up the pieces.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

My brother and a friend. And yes, i still believe in people making their own choices. Even though it hurts like fucking hell...

 

[laserfocus111]

My grandmother jumped from a building..

 

[MBlue]

Until you know someone closely who CTB, you will never be able to comprehend the absolute trauma it causes people left behind.

Exactly...
I'm really sorry for your lost.

 

[FriendofDeath]

My first experience with suicide happened while I was at a doctor's office. A man killed his doctor and then himself. Lot of trauma, and I had a lot of anger because this man changed a lot of lives that day by his action. Prior to this, I often thought of dying, but I never wanted to put that on my parents. I lost my 13 year old son to suicide. I don't know if it was accidental or on purpose. There were no obvious signs and he left no notes. I found him after work - and I had a surprise for him. If I could have, I would have died right there with him, but I didn't see any way for success, and I thought burning the house down was too dangerous for neighbors and our cats. I mostly died that day. I lost most of my friends, because no one knows how to deal with a parent who has lost their only child. I couldn't return to work, and physically my symptoms multiplied, making me a mess.(Still hoping something there destroys my physical body!) There was a lot of worry, that one day I just wouldn't wake up. But I knew how bad this kind of death affected family. Like many of you, I can understand why someone is ready to die. It makes me sad when someone suicides, even when I don't have any kind of relationship with the individual who passes. I don't really know my intentions. I appreciate the honesty and support on this site.

 

[Secrets1]

I lost my brother in law to Suicide about 6 years ago. He was very depressed (untreated/undiagnosed) but it was still unexpected. It was clearly very well planned out. He bought a cheap used car to use the carbon monoxide method to CTB. It was absolutely horrifying for the family as he had 2 young children and a wife. He left notes for them all which I am told were quite mean/hurtful from what I've heard. I never read them so cant say. This is what has stopped me CTB as I saw the absolute devastation it had on family, friends, work colleagues. It also impacted me massively too and still troubles me all these years later. Had he not taken his own life, I would have definitely taken mine already.
Until you know someone closely who CTB, you will never be able to comprehend the absolute trauma it causes people left behind. It literally passes on your pain to those people.
I guess you could ask why I'm here using this forum? Well, the simple reason is one day my selfishness for wanting the pain to end will exceed that of being bothered about hurting those left to pick up the pieces.

Im sorry for your experience. This is so well said. The endless monologue debating merits of one's own suicide is exhausting.

My aunt's sister killed her self after dealing with lots of health problems and mental illness. I didn't know her well. It was never really discussed in the family. I made my pro choice sentiment clear at the time but was shamed for it. I think my aunt could understand despite being devastated but everyone else around felt ill will towards the sister for putting her family in pain. Overall not a group that's great with the full scope emotions. Now, I wonder if that aunt will end up with the same fate. Her life has taken a dramatic turn for the worst due to alcohol and is throwing away everything. What's also interesting is how her and my dysfunctional dad (also divorced from that family) have gravitated towards each other in their pain and probable resentment at their lives now compared to the past.

 

[rosetrapped]

I lost my carer to suicide in August 2019 and he meant everything to me, I realized that after a month no one seemed to care and so it has actually motivated me to end my life. I have two proper attempts and some practices. Now my friend on here is dead I have no reason left to stay. I would say suicide isn't selfish but it is selfish when they make promises to you that they can't keep. I don't see a future and so I need to hurry up and end my life.

I lost my dad to it 2 days after my 6th birthday. I only found out how he died when I was 15. My life has been shit ever since I found out. It was like the healing from losing a dad had a whole new layer and I have wanted to die ever since. I'm 18 now. I completely understand why he did it and I want to join him.

 

[SuicideBoys93]

One of my really good work friends Chris. Had relationship issues and shot himself in the head in the passenger seat with his fiance in the driver seat. What makes me sad is that it'd had to of been one hell of an impulse for him to do it. Hearing about it that Saturday morning tore me apart. The day prior at work we talked about damn near anything. Even got into some of his relationship issues. I'll never forget walking out of work with him and telling him if he ever needed to talk I'm well aware how hard relationship issues can be on a person. He told me alright man I got you. I sat at his funeral wondering if I made that exchange sound sincere enough for him to want to pick up the phone and call me. Its been two years as of May 12th. A group of us made the trip to Maryland to attend the funeral. It definitely helped his mom knowing he was so highly thought of, and cared for when we all showed up for Chris. The image of his mom standing at the foot of the grave staring while workers filled the grave will forever be imprinted in my brain. It's almost like when I feel like giving up the pain I felt with Chris passing, and watching his family grieve is his way on telling me to keep moving forward.