Discussion Has anyone here lost someone to suicide?

[nigelhernandez]

And still thinks that people should have the right to die? One of the statements I regularly see pro-lifers make is that if suicidal people lost someone to suicide, they wouldn't think of ending their life because they would experience the pain from "the other side" of those left behind.

 

[selfhater]

i never lost someone to suicide, most ppl i knew was happy and normal and i was "still i am" the only one who is really suicidal

 

[Walilamdzi]

I haven't, but this is an interesting question.

 

[SerialFailer]

And still thinks that people should have the right to die? One of the statements I regularly see pro-lifers make is that if suicidal people lost someone to suicide, they wouldn't think of ending their life because they would experience the pain from "the other side" of those left behind.

People who lose others to suicide are far more likely to die from suicide too.
If anything it's the opposite, suicidal people who lose others to suicide would CTB when they might never have taken the final step otherwise.

 

[raindrops]

I would be upset because that person died, not upset because they committed suicide.

 

[Walilamdzi]

People who lose others to suicide are far more likely to die from suicide too.
If anything it's the opposite, suicidal people who lose others to suicide would CTB when they might never have taken the final step otherwise.

So by ending my life I'm potentially condemning my loved ones to do the same?

 

[Freudite]

I lost a friend to suicide a few months back, I always knew she was depressed but not suicidal. I feel guilty about the whole ordeal but I know I shouldn't blame myself for her choice. Now I take solace in the fact that she's not suffering anymore.

I do still think everyone has a right to choose. I've been suicidal and hating myself for as long as I can remember, and I understand when the thoughts and suffering can be unbearable. Suicide isn't for everyone, some people can still strive for bettering themselves, but when nothing else works, I think it's cruel to force them to live.

If anything it's the opposite, suicidal people who lose others to suicide would CTB when they might never have taken the final step otherwise.

Can't say for every suicidal person, but it certainly true to me. Before, I was still forcing myself to survive, but now I've been planning my suicide for a while.

 

[rasputin]

A friend of mine who I kind of dated briefly committed suicide. I wasn't shocked at all, he was bipolar and had psychotic episodes and all sorts of mental anguish. His mental life was hellish, and he's now at peace (I hope).

He killed himself WAY before I felt suicidal myself and yet I was very "pro choice" even at the time. I was happy he wasn't suffering anymore and the only sadness I felt was towards his method - that he must have felt physical pain before death. I also wish he didn't have to die alone. Wish there was some way I could have held his hand.

I must be wired differently than most people because I was pro-choice a decade before I even fathomed suicide for myself.

So I completely disagree with the idea the idea that if suicidal people lost someone to suicide, they wouldn't think of ending their life.

At the end of the day, 100% of us are going to die. I see suicide as nothing but a slightly increased timeline of that death.

 

[Walilamdzi]

A friend of mine who I kind of dated briefly committed suicide. I wasn't shocked at all, he was bipolar and had psychotic episodes and all sorts of mental anguish. His mental life was hellish, and he's now at peace (I hope).

He killed himself WAY before I felt suicidal myself and yet I was very "pro choice" even at the time. I was happy he wasn't suffering anymore and the only sadness I felt was towards his method - that he must have felt physical pain before death. I also wish he didn't have to die alone. Wish there was some way I could have held his hand.

I must be wired differently than most people because I was pro-choice a decade before I even fathomed suicide for myself.

So I completely disagree with the idea the idea that if suicidal people lost someone to suicide, they wouldn't think of ending their life.

At the end of the day, 100% of us are going to die. I see suicide as nothing but a slightly increased timeline of that death.

What was his method?

 

[Smudgedlines]

And still thinks that people should have the right to die? One of the statements I regularly see pro-lifers make is that if suicidal people lost someone to suicide, they wouldn't think of ending their life because they would experience the pain from "the other side" of those left behind.

Yes. An acquaintance took her life by partial at Christmas. Then her on off partner /boyfriend/friend shockingly killed himself using a cable tie around his neck. He was a friend. I am friends with his ex wife. It completely floored me and sent me into a very dark period.

I live in a location that has a very high suicide rate. In fact I know of about 8 people/friends who have done it in the last 10 years.
I respect their choice to do what they want with their lives but I wonder how much guilt was involved with the one I have described in the one above and that is a real shame

 

[RileyTanaka]

Yes. Someone in my family killed themselves when I was in high school - took me about 4 years of therapy to stop feeling guilty, responsible.

And I've lost one other friend who I met online and spoke with for some time. For both people, I can understand their decision but it was harder for my family member because I felt they abandoned me when I was still developing as a teen. I wish they had tried harder to get treatment and to identify the underlying cause of their mental health issues. For the friend who died, though, she had exhausted nearly all options, been through many rounds of meds/therapy with no success, and was simply too tired to go on. I cast no judgment on either person's decision, especially now that I'm seriously exploring the option of putting myself down. I really think in the end it's about suffering, quality of life, and being able to say rationally whether or not further effort would yield results that are worth it or lasting.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

In high school, I lost a boyfriend to suicide. I only knew him a short time, but no one saw it coming, and he left no note, although it was discovered there was evidence he had started planning a few months before. I was deeply traumatized, and for years I was very pro-lifey based on my personal and limited experience. I had knee-jerk reactions to admissions of suicidal contemplation, I spoke in platitudes and dumped guilt, and I was caught up in my own reactions rather than hearing what people were actually trying to convey about their struggles. I was definitely not the friend to go to for such issues.

That experience in high school was over thirty years ago. In the past several years, before I even considered suicide, I went through some profound healing that taught me that people's feelings and reasons for considering or doing things are not my own, and that the best I could do for another was to listen compassionately and allow them to determine their own path. I've experienced some redemption that I had opportunities to listen without judgment to another who self-harmed and had a suicide plan. I didn't fix anything for her nor try to, and she felt better for having talked to me.

I also had the experience mentioned in the OP of negating my own considerations of suicide because I know what it's like to be left behind. It defined me and made choices for me for many years, and blocked me from giving deeper consideration to the things that caused me to think of suicide. It was like thought-stopping, a taboo. It may have kept me alive, but it also kept me at the surface when I needed to delve more deeply into the issues that caused such thoughts. I could have potentially experienced healing of those issues decades sooner if I had questioned why they were powerful enough to make me consider ending my life, rather than hitting the brakes at what I would do to those left behind.

TL;DR

Yes, I have lost someone to suicide, yes, it stopped me from seriously considering suicide for many years because I had experienced the pain and torment of being left behind, and yes, I now believe people have the right to choose for themselves to die.

 

[TJuk]

I have lost many people to suicide and I'm still of the opinion that you have the right to choose if you want to end your life or if you don't.
I mean yeah it's an hard loss to suffer and leaves some what if questions, however I respect there decision especially if they were suffering. We don't choose to be born, but we can choose to end it if you wish to aslong as it is 100% your decision and you are not being influenced by anyone else.

I've personally discussed been suicidal with my mental health team and I have said that I have tried everything I can to live a 'normal' life, been under mental health services since 2013, reached out for help several times including a few hours before attempting suicide by jumping from a bridge to then still jump 2 hours later. Told them that someone can only suffer for so long and if you can choose to end an animals suffering by putting it to sleep then why can't we with humans. I have therapy on Mondays and the Monday just gone my care coordinator was in on the session (over the phone therapy is strange) but anyway he was trying to understand what it must feel like to have flashbacks and voices at same time to sort of empathy with me and I spoke to him a few days later and he said that man to man after our session on Monday he was exhausted from trying to imagine what it must be like so kind of understands why I wish to end my life.

 

[SerialFailer]

So by ending my life I'm potentially condemning my loved ones to do the same?

Condemning no, but it's more likely they'll take the final step should they get to that point, yes. People who empathize with someone who suicides (be it a fictional character or a famous person) are far more likely to do it rather than it not happening should it never have happened.
Also why suicide is a tabboo and frowned upon - it's terrible for the economy and bad for society as a whole due to modern culture. Far more losses than gain to suicide.
That's probably the main reason - if one person suicides and that goes on, it'll cause financial havoc, so everything related tends to be blocked and news don't report it for the most part.

 

[Rockman]

My uncle when i was about 14 yr old. Family members say that he was like me, sesitive, artist. But also drug addict.

 

[Jblack]

I have not lost a family member to suicide but I have lost three friends. Two of them committed suicide using a gun and one by hanging. The two who used a gun were both women. One of them used her company credit card to purchase the gun. It was a time our company was shutting down and we were all about to be let go. The guy who exited by hanging was in his 50's and convinced that he would be unable to find a job again. It was a very sad time. We had been bought out by another company, the new American normal. The rich got richer and poor got poorer. Sorry for the rant at the end.

 

[disconnection]

Yeah a friend a few months ago. Done living in poverty. If anything it's spurred me on because I'm looking that life full in the face now and I don't want it either.

 

[Tamazi 123]

Yea my Mother 6m ago, knowing I was suicidal

 

[BPD Barbie]

My friend hung himself in August 2018, (I took the call at work), and I lost @6ixxy in January who was my close friend and CTB partner.

 

[AcornUnderground]

I lost a cousin to suicide, in his mid-20's. I actually have 52 first cousins on that side of the family, and we were not close. I remember him more as a child, I'm 10-15 years older and at the time, it felt like a tragic shame and I was VERY upset, but it was more for his mother than him for some reason. As a mother myself, I just couldn't imagine losing my child that way. He was depressed but not a huge history of that - he was on drugs and not sure how much that had to do with it - and he was very angry. Angry at his mother, right before he shot himself in his car on their property. To me, suicide was unfamiliar - even with that instance - it felt like I was watching a movie; the funeral, my Aunt in shock and the subsequent destruction of her entire life after he was gone. That woman pours pint size glasses of vodka every day from 4pm-midnight, nonstop. Chain smokes now. It's been a disaster for her and she will never, ever be right again.

Suicide still seems like a dream to me, but now a nightmare parked right in the road of my own life. Children that will be destroyed. Life that shouldn't be ending this way. An incredible desire to live. I love the world and loved everything in it.
I have seen the pain suicide leaves and the pain I will create for my kids, family and loved ones when I am gone. It leaves me completely stuck, and feeling like I am waking up in a nightmare, over and over again all day, every day.

But to those that think your suicide won't matter; for most it will. It will cause incredible pain for others. There is no letter, no reason that can take that away. For others, if it truly wont matter to anyone, I'm sorry that you are so alone. So, yes I've seen suicide and still consider it an option but I think it's all pretty terrible. I'm not sure any of us really want to be here, wanting to die.

 

[raindrops]

@AcornUnderground If you have children to live for then that's amazing because you get to be a role model everyday, so definitely be here for them and you're right life shouldn't end that way, it would be devastating for your children. Unfortunately some of us don't have children or family so no one will be left in pain, some of us struggle to find a reason to live, I truly believe that my friends would forget quickly after a month or so, then I'd be nothing but a conversation starter "oh remember that friend who committed suicide" - that's all it would be, they wouldn't be in pain, they would only be in shock.
If I had children though I'd definitely try to be a better version of myself everyday for them, but some of us are lonely with nothing to truly live for, you can say "oh but you do" really, what for? To live in constant painful torment.

 

[AcornUnderground]

@AcornUnderground If you have children to live for then that's amazing because you get to be a role model everyday, so definitely be here for them and you're right life shouldn't end that way, it would be devastating for your children. Unfortunately some of us don't have children or family so no one will be left in pain, some of us struggle to find a reason to live, I truly believe that my friends would forget quickly after a month or so, then I'd be nothing but a conversation starter "oh remember that friend who committed suicide" - that's all it would be, they wouldn't be in pain, they would only be in shock.
If I had children though I'd definitely try to be a better version of myself everyday for them, but some of us are lonely with nothing to truly live for, you can say "oh but you do" really, what for? To live in constant painful torment.

Oh, I know that there are plenty of people here with no family and children and yes, it becomes a much less complicated choice. One of the friends I had here that is now gone described his passing to me as - like a Where's Waldo poster - he would be gone, and people notice but life would move on. He was older, his family had grown. I really, really do not think you should ever leave children behind. I have an incurable painful illness and I spend every day and every dollar I have trying to figure out how to survive with it, but it's not looking too good. I can't afford to be here for another 40 years like this, financially or physically.

I am so sorry for those that would stay, if only they had an anchor - family, love, whatever it is that is missing. And I really think most of us would rather not WANT to die. ❤

 

[RileyTanaka]

I have an incurable painful illness and I spend every day and every dollar I have trying to figure out how to survive with it, but it's not looking too good.

If it's not too personal, what is the illness that you're battling?

 

[AcornUnderground]

If it's not too personal, what is the illness that you're battling?

Sjögren's syndrome, primary and severe unfortunately. Sometimes it can be mild dryness or it can totally disable you in many ways. It has destroyed my body (tear glands salivary glands skin hair nerves muscles and joints, a little bit my lungs, constant tinnitus, sometimes bad vertigo). My eyes are the worst - I have about five eye disorders related to the Sjögrens now and a lot of throat/voice box/neck pain and issues). Soon it will be my teeth (they will all decay).

 

[Weightoftheworld]

My uncle. I just hope he found peace.

 

[Ardesevent]

My mother, when I was 11. I don't have many memories of her anymore.

 

[AcornUnderground]

My mother, when I was 11. I don't have many memories of her anymore.

This breaks my heart. I'm sure it ruined your life.

 

[raindrops]

@AcornUnderground I'm so sorry to hear you have a terrible illness, my mother had awful illnesses yet she still carried on for us but I lost her when I was 14. I think you are a wonderful person because you choose to carry on for your children, they need you here to teach them respect, compassion, kindness and so much more! They will never stop needing your guidance even when they're old & grey they will always want their mother.

I'm not sure where you're from so I will assume America, it really pisses me off you have to pay to survive like that! Here in the UK most health care is free especially if the care you need is necessary to keep you alive and free from pain. The way countries are run by the government makes you want to die, financial stress is a big reason why some of us want to ctb! Our health care might be free but you can go to prison for not paying your TV licence to watch the television in the UK! So many things that make you think fuck this shit I want out!

 

[SanJunipero1]

I lost my fiancé to suicide and now that I've experienced that pain for myself I do believe in everyone's right to self determination. I go back and forth between being able to live without him and wanting to die. Currently the latter

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

It's unfortunate that we humans become emotionally dependant on others to live. So having them around but suffering is better to us than the alternative, we are so selfish, the vast majority.
Just take this scenario. A disabled elderly person (who couldn't even ctb if they wished to) needs 24/7 care, plays on the good nature of this family member, relies on them for survival. Causing this person to become suicidal because they can't put the family member in a home by good conscience.
Nobody wins. Everybody loses, EVERYBODY SUFFERS UNECESSARILY. All because proper education and euthanasia aren't easily attainable.
Situations like this are far to common, they should never exist in a 'civilized' society.
My good friend saw suicide as his only way out because of this. But this is just one of many situations that commonly happen, where suicide is caused by the ones who claim the person was selfish.