Has anyone here experienced psychosis?

[card1nal]

I sometimes feel very alone in my experiences. I don't have many people to talk to about psychosis that truly understand what it is and how it affects your mind. Recovery has been hard, and I just wanted to know if anyone here can understand what I'm going through.

Most of my attempts occurred during psychotic episodes, but recovery has somehow made my suicidal thoughts even worse. I've completely dropped any religious beliefs I used to have because I'm afraid. I question my thoughts and experiences constantly and have this persistent emptiness living inside of me. I feel like a shell, a body without a soul. I, unfortunately, am a naturally paranoid person, so I sometimes have anxiety attacks when I can't tell if I'm having paranoid thoughts because of anxiety, or if I'm psychotic again. I feel like this pain and anxiety will continue to plague me year by year until I'm medicated, but I'm afraid of taking medication. I fear it will make me feel even more empty than I already am. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[jodes2]

I had terrible psychosis. Felt I was being gangstalked and that I was going to get tortured. Thought they wanted me to kill myself. Thought family had been turned against me. Thought I was being watched by every camera and being sent messages and purposely driven crazy. Meds completely fixed it thankfully. But not before a suicide attempt

 

[card1nal]

I had terrible psychosis. Felt I was being gangstalked and that I was going to get tortured. Thought they wanted me to kill myself. Thought family had been turned against me. Thought I was being watched by every camera and being sent messages and purposely driven crazy. Meds completely fixed it thankfully. But not before a suicide attempt

Yeah, I had similar delusions. Mine were more religiously influenced, though. Instead of thinking real people were stalking me, I thought spirits were stalking me and speaking to me. I thought that killing myself would mean I was sacrificing my body and soul to any higher beings that might exist.

 

[Blackroom_57]

Yes I have schizoaffective disorder. I have to take antipsychotics probably forever now. I hate it.

 

[spinningship]

Yeah i've had it once thought people were staking my house out and hacking my home to record me on microphones. Didnt speak to my family at all for a couple weeks as I didn't want the people to hear what I said. Attempted suicide as felt there was no escape from being pursued.

 

[jodes2]

Delusions fucking suck. The meds are fine although olanzapine made me gain weight and seroquel helped me sleep. I preferred lower doses or seroquel but now I'm on amisulpride

 

[vultureilse]

im not sure if what ive experienced was psychosis but i did have a few periods of time in my life where ive experienced hallucinations and tons of paranoia and honestly i dont think ive ever felt more fear in my life than during those times. i cant even imagine how awful it must be for you and other people who have to deal with hallucinations and delusions that are worse than mine were

 

[card1nal]

Delusions fucking suck. The meds are fine although olanzapine made me gain weight and seroquel helped me sleep. I preferred lower doses or seroquel but now I'm on amisulpride

I get paranoid about starting meds because of the posts I've seen online of people having bad experiences with antipsychotics in general. It's nice to know you've had decent experiences though! Gives me a little hope for myself.

 

[jodes2]

I get paranoid about starting meds because of the posts I've seen online of people having bad experiences with antipsychotics in general. It's nice to know you've had decent experiences though! Gives me a little hope for myself.

Yeah the worst that happened was restless legs on higher doses of seroquel which sucked but they took me off it cos of that, it just lasted a month or so. The other 15 years I've been on antipsychotics it's been absolutely fine

 

[aikoelis6]

Yes, it was always when I was at my lowest as well. Got super into occult-ish things which eventually spiraled into hallucinations.. visual and tactical. They were some scary experiences that made me not want to be on this Earth for other reasons than I had before.

 

[card1nal]

Yes, it was always when I was at my lowest as well. Got super into occult-ish things which eventually spiraled into hallucinations.. visual and tactical. They were some scary experiences that made me not want to be on this Earth for other reasons than I had before.

My tactile hallucinations made me extremely suicidal. The "spirits" I would talk to often would SA me.

 

[aikoelis6]

I'm so sorry. Tactile hallucinations are the worst. The constant feelings of bugs crawling on you and biting you, or scratching sensations that burn. But I can't even imagine what you've gone through. I wish there was a way to make it go away. They drive you insane and make you feel alone.

 

[card1nal]

I'm so sorry. Tactile hallucinations are the worst. The constant feelings of bugs crawling on you and biting you, or scratching sensations that burn. But I can't even imagine what you've gone through. I wish there was a way to make it go away. They drive you insane and make you feel alone.

Yes. It's so terrible to feel something like that and not be able to escape no matter what you do. Hearing and seeing things are terrible, but tactile hallucinations induce an entirely different type of terror.

 

[Sakura94]

Sort of, always feel dead. Think it's contard's syndrome. Though I not had hallucinations with it.

 

[djhelljgel]

Yes, had psychosis and ended up in hospital for a week, mad delusional visions of people trying to kill me, conjoined bloody corpses, flesh eating viruses …. It was so real… I ended up trying to run from the hospital and the security people ended up chasing up to me running opposite the main road and dragging me back all to give me 1mg diazepam…. which hardly calmed me down

 

[nico_wren]

I have. I get paranoid psychosis, so I always think my electronics are listening to me and all my friends are in on some plan to ruin my life or that people are stalking me and taking pictures of me. It's honestly quite scary and when I've tried to open up to people about it they say it's just anxiety, but it's so fucking different. Why can't people just see that?

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

i have psychosis from bipolar (i suspect its more likely schizoaffective, but bipolar is what i was diagnosed with). i've also had drug-induced psychosis many times

my view on psychosis is very different from most people's tho. im proud of my psychosis. ive embraced my 'delusions'. i just dont care about 'reality' or whatever. i think psychosis is just different ways of viewing the world, and theres nothing inherently 'wrong' with that. ive found a lot of joy and creativity in exploring the potentials that psychosis allows me. most people are stuck to a limited view of 'reality', but we get to go beyond that 'reality'

i understand everyone's experiences are different tho, especially with psychosis. it can be very isolating to be the only one who sees reality a certain way, especially when everyone else ostracizes us for it. and some hallucinations and delusions can feel terrifying to experience, especially with paranoia. i get paranoia too, but i blame this antagonistic society we live in for that. this world is incomprehensibly terrifying. and people in power take advantage of our fear and turn it into paranoia to control us

i think, in a better world, 'psychosis' wouldnt be stigmatized or medicalized. maybe it could even be celebrated. in some cultures that has historically been the case and in some places still is. i think we can make that better world, and i think people with psychosis especially have the potential to do that. i think what we need most is solidarity and community

 

[nico_wren]

i have psychosis from bipolar (i suspect its more likely schizoaffective, but bipolar is what i was diagnosed with). i've also had drug-induced psychosis many times

my view on psychosis is very different from most people's tho. im proud of my psychosis. ive embraced my 'delusions'. i just dont care about 'reality' or whatever. i think psychosis is just different ways of viewing the world, and theres nothing inherently 'wrong' with that. ive found a lot of joy and creativity in exploring the potentials that psychosis allows me. most people are stuck to a limited view of 'reality', but we get to go beyond that 'reality'

i understand everyone's experiences are different tho, especially with psychosis. it can be very isolating to be the only one who sees reality a certain way, especially when everyone else ostracizes us for it. and some hallucinations and delusions can feel terrifying to experience, especially with paranoia. i get paranoia too, but i blame this antagonistic society we live in for that. this world is incomprehensibly terrifying. and people in power take advantage of our fear and turn it into paranoia to control us

i think, in a better world, 'psychosis' wouldnt be stigmatized or medicalized. maybe it could even be celebrated. in some cultures that has historically been the case and in some places still is. i think we can make that better world, and i think people with psychosis especially have the potential to do that. i think what we need most is solidarity and community

I quite like your outlook and I really comment you for finding good in that. I agree that we need to stop stigmatizing it as much as we do!

 

[mang0sp1der]

I have had episodes of stimulant induced psychosis from recreational drug use.
My life was already in shambles at the time (hence the drug abuse) but I was still on planet Earth. Once you've been up for a few days on speed, you start hallucinating visions, hearing voices, and start having obscenely paranoid delusions.
My mother was coming over to check on me and I refused to let her in until she proved to be she didn't have a gun on her (I thought she was being sent by the police).

It's probably heartbreaking to witness your child in that state of mind but I still don't understand why she wouldn't just say, "no, I don't have a gun."

I still drink, smoke tobacco and when I can get my hands on the money/dealer/time I use speed and painkillers. I know I have a problem but I'm not ready to quit using.
The only pills I can find are benzos and perc 10's so the chance of me "buying the farm" are pretty slim.

 

[Outsidelessness]

I sometimes feel very alone in my experiences. I don't have many people to talk to about psychosis that truly understand what it is and how it affects your mind. Recovery has been hard, and I just wanted to know if anyone here can understand what I'm going through.

Most of my attempts occurred during psychotic episodes, but recovery has somehow made my suicidal thoughts even worse. I've completely dropped any religious beliefs I used to have because I'm afraid. I question my thoughts and experiences constantly and have this persistent emptiness living inside of me. I feel like a shell, a body without a soul. I, unfortunately, am a naturally paranoid person, so I sometimes have anxiety attacks when I can't tell if I'm having paranoid thoughts because of anxiety, or if I'm psychotic again. I feel like this pain and anxiety will continue to plague me year by year until I'm medicated, but I'm afraid of taking medication. I fear it will make me feel even more empty than I already am. I don't know what to do anymore.

What might be helpful to say is that from simple paranoia to paranoid delusions is a spectrum, there's no "either or" in particular. If a particular anxiety is believed in, then it is somewhat delusional. Overall, it is just a singular thing: your ego is trying to do it's best to protect you and provide an accurate lens to view the world, and in some cases it can be absolutely misleading and inconsistent with the external world. Your consciousness is filled with processes and feedback loops, sometimes these feedback loops go on too much and configure themselves to be more and more incoherent. But, there is always an eventual resolution to these loops (otherwise you'd be focusing on a singular thing over and over). That's the nature of how psychosis was in my experience, and it was helpful to know that they are only episodic in this aspect.

Treating your own world with less integrity can help maintain thought independence.

 

[card1nal]

I have. I get paranoid psychosis, so I always think my electronics are listening to me and all my friends are in on some plan to ruin my life or that people are stalking me and taking pictures of me. It's honestly quite scary and when I've tried to open up to people about it they say it's just anxiety, but it's so fucking different. Why can't people just see that?

I get so paranoid about electronics. Have had multiple nightmares about being listened in on, and those fears have definitely been a big part of my previous psychotic episodes. I can't live without my electronic devices, but knowing that someone could be looking through my camera or listening in on me is terrifying.

My parents sort of react to my psychosis that way, saying that it is all just my anxiety when it is so much more. I completely understand how frustrating that can be.

i have psychosis from bipolar (i suspect its more likely schizoaffective, but bipolar is what i was diagnosed with). i've also had drug-induced psychosis many times

my view on psychosis is very different from most people's tho. im proud of my psychosis. ive embraced my 'delusions'. i just dont care about 'reality' or whatever. i think psychosis is just different ways of viewing the world, and theres nothing inherently 'wrong' with that. ive found a lot of joy and creativity in exploring the potentials that psychosis allows me. most people are stuck to a limited view of 'reality', but we get to go beyond that 'reality'

i understand everyone's experiences are different tho, especially with psychosis. it can be very isolating to be the only one who sees reality a certain way, especially when everyone else ostracizes us for it. and some hallucinations and delusions can feel terrifying to experience, especially with paranoia. i get paranoia too, but i blame this antagonistic society we live in for that. this world is incomprehensibly terrifying. and people in power take advantage of our fear and turn it into paranoia to control us

i think, in a better world, 'psychosis' wouldnt be stigmatized or medicalized. maybe it could even be celebrated. in some cultures that has historically been the case and in some places still is. i think we can make that better world, and i think people with psychosis especially have the potential to do that. i think what we need most is solidarity and community

I've felt very similar about my psychosis in the past, but after joining some support groups online for people with psychosis, this idea seems super frowned upon. I do wish we lived in a world where psychosis was less stigmatized because I think I would feel so much more comfortable embracing that part of myself if others didn't see me as a freak or broken. I don't always hate when I'm psychotic, but in those times when I am really struggling I do come to hate it. Partly because of how terrible the hallucinations and delusions can get, but mostly because of how terribly people treat me when I am in that state.

 

[ShadowsFall]

For a brief period of time in between 2002 and 2015. I would frequently see shadowy figures in the corner of my eyes. With the exception of once that I can remember, no real distinguable voices. Just random noises, occasional laughter, or scream that had no identifiable source. The once time I actually did hear a complete voice was right after I had to grant custody of my kids to my parents. Could have sworn i heard my youngest. I was one public transportation at the time, and had to get off a few stops early, because I started panicking. I haven't had any issues since 2015. According to one of the doctors that I was seeing in 2015, a period of severe stress and trauma is capable of causing temporary psychosis. That period was full of it...

 

[mafuyu]

It's funny bc my delusions and psychosis episodes are simultaneously the best and worst I've ever felt in my life.

Wrote a whole document before on some delusional shit… and I wanted to CTB sooo bad when I did that, but I didn't even try. I was just so determined in getting my fucking message out to the world, I thought I cracked the code or some shit lol.

It's like, I'm the smartest best person you will ever know. I literally figured out the concept of life. And I know you'll think I'm crazy, but…

And at the same time, hallucinating all this shit and being paranoid as hell. Yikes! Psychosis is a trip!

Oh, and not drug related btw. I hate it when people have psychosis or DPDR and say how they got it from drugs. Like buddy, that was your choice. I didn't choose to be traumatized.

Sorry not sorry. It's my immature take, I guess.