I was looking up suicide chat rooms to see if I could find any useful information, or find some suicide method that would be useful to me. I was just thinking about how I relate so much to one of the characters, Sylvia, in the movie Suicide Room. I don't want to keep myself locked up in the way that I am, but i struggle more then most people when it comes to just.. doing anything normal. I've always struggled with making friends, talking to people, etc. I have no skills, no ambition, no car, no friends, etc. But the world we live in makes it so hard to commit suicide peacefully/painlessly which really frustrates me. If it were as easy as people claim to just go online and order fentanyl or nembutal, or some other kind of suicide pills, I could have already been gone by now. I guess I'm scared more of dying painfully and slowly, and seeing my life flash before my eyes. I dont have many happy memories and I want it to happen quickly, but i have been feeling very desperate lately because I didnt want to be in the same place im in now by December and it feels like its gonna be here any day. I am so tired and exhausted. every. single. day. I just want it to all be over :/ I was looking into methods I dont even want to do, like hanging. I dont know why 
