Discussion Has anyone here been raped?

[Not_Quite_Dead_Yet]

I ask because I was raped in October My case is going to court and I have wanted to see if anyone else's suicidal thoughts solidified after the rape or sexual assault?

Yes, I was raped and robbed when a stranger broke into my apartment through a window. It cut through my life like a razor blade. I went into a state of shock and numbness that persists decades later in spite of lots of therapy. I was too numbed out to be suicidal. Zombies seem to be immune to suicide. I hear and feel your pain; it will be exacerbated by the court system. I am so sorry you are going through this but you can survive it. Not easy but definitely possible.

 

[Pepper]

I was sexually assaulted when I was 19, and raped a week before I turned 21. The man who sexually assaulted me got charged, but the man who raped me walked free even with all the evidence. I can no longer go near certain places, can't look at certain beverages or vehicles, or hear certain names without disassociating. Both times I wanted to ctb. The rape was so bad that I disassociated and ended up self-harming pretty badly on my left arm, probably down to the dermis.

 

[c824767]

500 rapes per day on earth, I see a straight path to suicidal thoughts from every one of them. Toxic rape culture. If for whatever reason the powers that be are unable to curtail the toxic rape culture, they need to open the path to peaceful suicide for the victims. logical?

 

[MegaManMaverick94]

No, I haven't thankfully. I'm truly sorry for your terrible experience. I can't even imagine the horror of going through that. Being a 6'1, 220 pound guy does have it's perks, I'm far less likely to experience... you know.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Unfortunately several times.

It causes many nightmares, PTSD.. Wish they were people I never knew or trusted.

 

[highlyvolatile]

Didnt mean to necro this thread, but I wanted to like ask if anyone else like has struggled with people touching you. Even family, I was assaulted by the same guy multiple times, years ago. And only now have I realized that there are places and times when im uncomfortable with people touching me. My back, holding onto my arm suddenly other places. My grandmother grabbed onto my arm and i almost pulled back violently from her my grandpa touched my back and i almost smacked him. Like ita not like this all the time but i think thats some of the lasting effects from the assault

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Not seen this thread before, sexually abused from a young age, raped at 13/14, happened more then once, When told people I wasn't believed, despite the c*8t being a known pedo
happened a few years later by someone else,
I never realised till recently this is part of my downfall in mental health now, this is the tip of the iceburg what I write here, as this is your thread not mine,
Last rape 2018, never will take it to court as I realise it wasn't rape but something I allowed to happen due to my own situations and fear, I didn't want it but it went ahead, as a result I have tolive with the guilt, the shame and hell knows what else,
this is part of the final nail for me in wanting to and aiming to end everything, I am sick of being used for sex. It started at the age of 5, in 1986, and still happens 34 yrs later,

Life is bullshit, I am drunk, Ive said to much, fuck this! but yes its solidifed my path to end my life as soon as reality possible, my husband deserves someone who isn't a selfish whore simple as!


Life is bullshit, I am drunk, Ive said to much, fuck this!

 

[Dear Flabby]

Not seen this thread before, sexually abused from a young age, raped at 13/14, happened more then once, When told people I wasn't believed, despite the c*8t being a known pedo
happened a few years later by someone else,
I never realised till recently this is part of my downfall in mental health now, this is the tip of the iceburg what I write here, as this is your thread not mine,
Last rape 2018, never will take it to court as I realise it wasn't rape but something I allowed to happen due to my own situations and fear, I didn't want it but it went ahead, as a result I have tolive with the guilt, the shame and hell knows what else,
this is part of the final nail for me in wanting to and aiming to end everything, I am sick of being used for sex. It started at the age of 5, in 1986, and still happens 34 yrs later,

Life is bullshit, I am drunk, Ive said to much, fuck this! but yes its solidifed my path to end my life as soon as reality possible, my husband deserves someone who isn't a selfish whore simple as!


Life is bullshit, I am drunk, Ive said to much, fuck this!

You are brave to share traumatic experiences. Don't beat yourself up for posting this. Sometimes it helps to get these things off our chests. I hope that it feels like a weight is lifted from your heart.

 

[MsMaudlin]

I was molested by a priest when I was 9, sexually assaulted when I was 12 amd raped when I was 25

 

[Dear Flabby]

I was sexually touched by an elderly man in front of my parents and their friends (age 10).
I hauled off and hit him, and everybody laughed at me, and made obscene remarks.

I was sodomized at 16, then attacker accused me of giving him an STI.

At 22, my first husband rage-fucked me while I was in the middle of having a miscarriage (3rd miscarriage-he was super pissed).

I was meat. Prey. And yet, also, ugly and unfuckable. Certainly unlovable.

If you touch me unexpectedly, you will get hurt. Even now, and I am old af!

 

[one4all]

All i can say is technically... Yes
I'd really not want to start stirring up memories again.

Edit - please no reactions to my comment. It was life, it is over and i really think other people here deserve the support more.
No offense meant to Dear Flabby

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

It's so sad to read all this stories. And makes me realize how fucked up society is and gives me more reasons to ctb. I can't live in a world like this. For everyone who suffered sexual assaults or rape I wish the best. PTSD sucks too.

 

[Dear Flabby]

All i can say is technically... Yes
I'd really not want to start stirring up memories again.

Edit - please no reactions to my comment. It was life, it is over and i really think other people here deserve the support more.
No offense meant to Dear Flabby

None taken. You are strong!

 

[one4all]

None taken. You are strong!

Thank you.
But if i was strong i would face what is front of me.. instead of doing what i think needs to be done.

 

[rhonda]

Hi Ghastly. Me too, assaulted by grandad for many years. Long story short I feel your pain. I continue to seem to choose men that are emotionally unavailable abusive, stuck in co-dependency, alcohol dependency, my own alcohol addiction, over achiever, over thinker, feeling worthless, like I don't matter to anybody anywhere. There are good days, and really bloody awful ones like today. Made it to 50 so far. We'll see what tomorrow brings. All I can say is we all hear you, we all feel your pain, and we all really want the best for you regardless. And truthfully, we probably all really want to be alive despite our struggles and attempts most of the time to not be. That's why we're here. To feel less alone. One foot in front of the other. One day at a time. Don't let them grind you down.

 

[bpdteacher]

I ask because I was raped in October My case is going to court and I have wanted to see if anyone else's suicidal thoughts solidified after the rape or sexual assault?

Me too.
I was raped last year by a former colleague and friend. I was upset and drunk and he took advantage. I said no and he ignored it. He didn't think I was serious. I reported it a few months later when I found out he'd done it again to another girl, under similar circumstances.
It never went any further because there was a lack of evidence, because I'd taken so long to report it.
I feel constant guilt that he did it to another girl, and that I put myself in a situation that made me vulnerable.
I've not been able to be intimate with my long-term partner since and it's put a real strain on our relationship.
The worst part though, was the interview with the police where I was asked questions like, what was I wearing? Is it possible I led him on? etc. I was very clear about having BPD and was made to feel like I was a 'lesser victim' because of this.
The hard part going forwards is I still work at the place he worked, and I have to deal with daily reminders of him.
So yes, the suicidality increased a lot. I still self-harm to punish myself, because I still feel dirty.
I think you're incredibly brave going to court and having your voice heard. When I hear of people doing this, it gives me hope that the system has some positive results. I hope it goes as well as it can do for you, and that regardless of the outcome you get some sort of closure.

 

[Abaigh]

Not exactly raped I don't think but molested as a child but memory extremely blurry. Also what I'm gonna say is really cheesy but you are so brave for being able to bring it to court might not mean much but I'm proud of you and my pms are always open if you want to chat.

 

[Mizzmini45]

Yes. I won't go into detail but it was horrible. I won't say my symptoms And why I had to deal with after. I never told anyone

 

[The Warm Industry]

Yes, by my own brother when I was 5 or 6 years old. Again when I was 19 for a guy I had just met while I was drunk.

The consequences were that I created a deep hatred for my mother, who defended her son firmly for believing that he would never do that to me, and for my brother who I haven't seen in a few years but who keeps in touch with her. Over time, I also developed a very troubled relationship in relation to sex. It is something that I consider depraving and impure for me but I also do it as an outlet for my problems, which only lowers my self-esteem to nothing.

Nowadays I believe that I am no use for anything other than sex, I am a shallow person who has absolutely nothing to offer besides that. I am a fucked up guy.

 

[Sugar Rabbit]

I been raped by 3 different guys, one of them my own brother. My mum doesn't believe me and says they are stories. Its has destroyed me as a person, i have ptsd because of it. It hurts, even more, my brother works in my town and its less than a 5 min walk away. i now only leave the house if i need to

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I was in my sleep recently I lost what little ability to function that is left