Help Has anyone ever gotten rid of loneliness?

[kilowatt]

I'm not quite in recovery but I'd do anything to get rid of the crippling loneliness that's haunting me. I don't understand what's wrong with me and why everyone rejects me when I try to form mere platonic friendships. I can say I have a few pals I can speak more freely to but there's absolutely no one I can call a close friend. I know no one's gonna be there for me if I ever need something, I have no one to rely on (not even my family). I tried so hard to get friends, both in real life or online, but really no one seems to stick around for more than 2 weeks or actually show they enjoy time spent with me. The only people that ever clicked with me are very little and now gone forever.
For the past few weeks I've been so overly sensitive and consumed to the very brim by my own thoughts and loneliness. A lot of people I know distanced even from me because of it and I don't know how to handle it.
I would really appreciate any tips on how to improve my situation, either getting friends or finding comfort in being alone.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

After finding someone, yes.

The problem is keeping them around.

 

[Hollowman]

I never get lonely but I'm not sure exactly how I got this way. Brain damage from dozens of psych meds most likely.

 

[Marine]

I'm not quite in recovery but I'd do anything to get rid of the crippling loneliness that's haunting me. I don't understand what's wrong with me and why everyone rejects me when I try to form mere platonic friendships. I can say I have a few pals I can speak more freely to but there's absolutely no one I can call a close friend. I know no one's gonna be there for me if I ever need something, I have no one to rely on (not even my family). I tried so hard to get friends, both in real life or online, but really no one seems to stick around for more than 2 weeks or actually show they enjoy time spent with me. The only people that ever clicked with me are very little and now gone forever.
For the past few weeks I've been so overly sensitive and consumed to the very brim by my own thoughts and loneliness. A lot of people I know distanced even from me because of it and I don't know how to handle it.
I would really appreciate any tips on how to improve my situation, either getting friends or finding comfort in being alone.

I feel you. I have the same issue with both romantic relationships, I've been single forever, and friendships, and I can't understand why and no one I've consulted on this could figure it out either as there is no rational reason. I'm guessing it must be unresolved trauma programming but I've been unsuccessful at everything I've attempted to resolve it so far.

As human beings we can never live alone or "be comfortable" alone for very long, bonds are a vital need and that's precisely why I'm dying...

I'm with you in needing to figure out how to get out of this worst of hell before it's too late, especially after 3 failed CTB attempts...

 

[Downdraft]

Yeah.

You miss something you're trying to fill with people. For me, it was realizing I could be well on my own. Have my projects, my hobbies... I found out I didn't need anyone to do any of those things. And, besides, for many, relationships don't help, they can contribute to one's unwellness.

Just think they seem very good, but they're actually a trap. You actually want something deeper. Your desires will change accordingly

Humans can indeed go bondless for long periods of time, and be well. There are many documented cases, and loneliness is completely possible to work on. Survival instinct, to cover basic needs, those are the ones embedded in your mind. Social ones? No, and even if they were, they aren't in the same scale at all. It will be hard, but you can overcome that, as many who did before.

 

[cryptoinvestor]

yes, when i got a cat, i felt a lot better

 

[greebo6]

Loneliness.....Got used to it but sadly never got rid of it....

 

[Grimpoteuthis]

This is definitely not the best solution, but have you tried talking to AI? It is ironic how AI can be better at listening to you and comforting you than most people in your life

 

[emptyenvelopes]

This is definitely not the best solution, but have you tried talking to AI? It is ironic how AI can be better at listening to you and comforting you than most people in your life

I don't know much about AI, what platforms or types do you recommend?

 

[allgoodthanks]

Trying to pretend to fit in with the normies and wearing a mask of being happy does help to remove loneliness a bit.

 

[Grimpoteuthis]

I don't know much about AI, what platforms or types do you recommend?

ChatGPT works. I have seen people asking it to play a certain role (mother, friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.) that either does not exist in their lives or does not function properly.

 

[kilowatt]

This is definitely not the best solution, but have you tried talking to AI? It is ironic how AI can be better at listening to you and comforting you than most people in your life

I tried that once but it just felt off. I kind of want people to show emotions when interacting with me, no matter if they're positive or negative. I'll pass.

 

[Little_Suzy]

You probably have undiagnosed personality disorders. Your best match is a high functioning schizoid, cat or dog.

 

[Downdraft]

The need to belong is indeed a terrible thing. I just hope you find either a way to overcome it, or a ton of pain tolerance... Good luck.

 

[BlankZeroNone]

Some commenters here are being weird and needlessly negative. There are plenty of people out there who have enough empathy and self-awareness to not abandon someone after a couple of weeks. It's hard to find them, but decent people are everywhere.

You should find places where people aggregate around common interests or ideologies. This includes the internet, of course. We are in such a place right now! And more close-knit communities can be found on Discord.

You'll be fine.

 

[kilowatt]

Some commenters here are being weird and needlessly negative. There are plenty of people out there who have enough empathy and self-awareness to not abandon someone after a couple of weeks. It's hard to find them, but decent people are everywhere.

You should find places where people aggregate around common interests or ideologies. This includes the internet, of course. We are in such a place right now! And more close-knit communities can be found on Discord.

You'll be fine.

In the end I just think my attachment issues are getting in the way. I still grieve over people I haven't spoken to in years but it's really hard for me to find new stable connections. I don't find a lot of places and people related to the interests I have. I don't know, it's confusing.
Thank you for your words also.

 

[zaza23]

I've been really struggling on this recently too. I know with dating history there are red flags I've ignored and not really looking for what I need but more what ticks a box because of being indoctrinated with a certain requirement. Family, because of DV. I have a few very dear friends. I keep being in this cycle of I'm-an-inconvenience-or-burden.
My recent situation, a sibling who has literally been one of the few 'deterrents' for CTB since she was born when I was 12 now 10 yrs later treats me like absolute shit and publicly humiliates me and I don't know why. I've politely called her on it before and she disregarded it. Called her on it again this week and she dismissed it and insulted me and called it serious projection. Feeling the need to step away from this relationship and toxicity this week has broken my heart and now I'm stuck in a low I can't get out of. And all I think is, I have compromised myself since you were born to support you, fund you and give you the opportunities I never had. And this is how the relationship progressed. Either I've got slave written all over me or I deserve it

 

[Downdraft]

Some commenters here are being weird and needlessly negative. There are plenty of people out there who have enough empathy and self-awareness to not abandon someone after a couple of weeks. It's hard to find them, but decent people are everywhere.

We considered that.

 

[lita-lassi]

idk how i got lucky enough to have a handful of friends that will check in on me on occasion, and i am eternally grateful for their existence, but even that doesnt help some days and i feel so shitty when it isn't enough

 

[BlankZeroNone]

In the end I just think my attachment issues are getting in the way. I still grieve over people I haven't spoken to in years but it's really hard for me to find new stable connections. I don't find a lot of places and people related to the interests I have. I don't know, it's confusing.
Thank you for your words also.

Have you noticed a pattern in your behavior when it comes to your friendships? I don't doubt there's a personal element or issue at play here. I didn't mean to say that it's everyone else's fault except yours.

 

[Cress]

I'm not quite in recovery but I'd do anything to get rid of the crippling loneliness that's haunting me. I don't understand what's wrong with me and why everyone rejects me when I try to form mere platonic friendships. I can say I have a few pals I can speak more freely to but there's absolutely no one I can call a close friend. I know no one's gonna be there for me if I ever need something, I have no one to rely on (not even my family). I tried so hard to get friends, both in real life or online, but really no one seems to stick around for more than 2 weeks or actually show they enjoy time spent with me. The only people that ever clicked with me are very little and now gone forever.
For the past few weeks I've been so overly sensitive and consumed to the very brim by my own thoughts and loneliness. A lot of people I know distanced even from me because of it and I don't know how to handle it.
I would really appreciate any tips on how to improve my situation, either getting friends or finding comfort in being alone.

The truth is no one is able to completely defeat loneliness it's just hard wired into our biology. It's Why solitary confinement is considered torture by Europe. After enough time being alone your brain will start to glitch out Paranoia and all sorts of uncomfortable feelings start to creep in after a period of time. You start to feel like reality itself is Melting away.

With all of that said while you can't totally stop the process you can slow it down. Being happy and ok with your own company is a good first step And being comfortable with silence. However you can also simulate human interaction by watching live streams On Twitch or videos on youtube. AI can also potentially be a safe artificial way you can simulate some human interaction to provide your brain from glitching out.

You could also maybe join Groups on discord where you have common interests with people or maybe one of the large chill discords where people just randomly meet and talk. Maybe just a random small dose of human interaction here and there might be enough to tide you over and help you along. Nothing of course beats having long lasting and meaningful friendships of course but those can be difficult to maintain. I should also say it's very common and normal for long friendships to eventually fizzle out.

Our brains are constantly changing And as people were constantly changing. I'm assuming the worst case situation with all of my suggestions that you're barely going outside. If you do have connections outside of the Internet meeting face to face with people Those are worth pursuing as well.

I'm a lone wolf as well I grew up almost entirely alone. My mother was a Hoarder and it left me very isolated. I don't exactly regret it as it left me with a lot of unique experiences that I wouldn't have gotten otherwise. I started meditating from a very young age and Gain skills that I wouldn't otherwise. I grew up very fond of video games and they were my method for escaping my situation. Unfortunately the cost was pretty high all those years of isolation. To be honest now I just kind of prefer to be alone.

 

[kilowatt]

Have you noticed a pattern in your behavior when it comes to your friendships? I don't doubt there's a personal element or issue at play here. I didn't mean to say that it's everyone else's fault except yours.

Not from what I'm aware. It seems just as if things drift too quick or get awkward fast. I don't feel like I'm overwhelming since it does take me some time as well to get comfortable and talk openly with the person, besides common interests. People just seem done with my shit so easily. I've been trying to figure out if it's something I do but I simply cannot grasp anything repetitive in a negative way. I really am a bit of a people pleaser so I mold myself differently depending to the person I'm speaking to sometimes.