Has anyone else stood at the edge of a cliff / great height and failed to jump?

[itsover14]

I did a lot of research years ago about jumping from a great height, if I recall correctly: since there's a microsecond delay between between what we see and experience, if you jump from a tall enough height, you may not even feel anything on impact.

That might have been specific for if you just reach terminal velocity (I think 1500'); this was over a decade ago I researched this.

Well, I did go and find a cliff, but though it was quite high, it wasn't a sheer cliff face. There were some tree tops maybe 100' below and I was terrified of hitting them and feeling a lot of pain. (And then, I suppose, hitting the ground next and rolling down for hundreds of feet.)

So obviously I chickened out. But, things have truly reached an impasse. And you know, in that 10+, I've done a lot of treatment, medications etc etc. I wonder if I could do it again; I'm considering the Cliffs of Moher which are certainly impressive cliffs.

However, though most people would consider the height (over 700' at its tallest) to be a selling point, well I've been bungy jumping from quite a tall height. And what surprised me the most was how much time I had to think as I fell. So, obviously don't like the thought of that.

And yet and yet and yet. That's what this is all about, getting to the point where even those last seconds of discomfort are acceptable rather than the endless days of my existence. Dealing with things I can't deal with anymore. Well I guess we'll see, I have to make a choice soon. If SN/hanging can't be arranged to my satisfaction, I guess there's just that one option left. I'm at least grateful to be relatively near such ideal cliffs for jumping.

 

[Xiaojiu]

Yes, I was at a bridge in the mountains and failed to jump. I:

 

[itsover14]

Yes, I was at a bridge in the mountains and failed to jump. I:

It's so difficult isn't it :(

But, I am beginning to think that it might be my only option. So, just gonna hafta put up with that terror I guess?! :(

 

[overmorrow]

bridge but i was too scared, actually not even scared i just idk, i froze there, ig, and walked away

 

[metfan647]

I have been to a few cliff edges but not with any immediate plan. Along with SN, jumping at height are my planned ways to go.

Excuse my ignorance, but never hears of the Cliffs of Moher. Impressive area and that is some height. I couldn't tell from images if there are any areas without water at the bottom. Even with a fatal height like that, the idea of jumping into water terrifies me.

I have a cliff edge lined up but it's now some distance from me. I've lost the ability to be a bit more impulsive. I have also thought about those few seconds of contemplation and how they could consume me with momentary regret. I, like you, also think that those few seconds can't be worse than the misery of existing.

 

[Xiaojiu]

It's so difficult isn't it :(

But, I am beginning to think that it might be my only option. So, just gonna hafta put up with that terror I guess?! :(

I understand how you feel :( it's so difficult af. The SI is hard to overcome. I'm still dealing with that myself and also guilt for my husband and those I will hurt. The bridge I was at was around 300+ feet. And an old woman driving stopped and picked me up She didn't leave until I got into her vehicle

Also, if you're jumping, please, please, please don't jump from a low height. O:

I read on Reddit recently this year that someone jumped, and ended up disabled with chronic pain. And they regret their decision because they jumped at height that wasn't that high saying their life is now worse before jumping. :(

 

[Aisling1710]

Been there once - just over five years ago. In my case, it was the feeling of 'what if it fails?' and of course the SI. it really is difficult.

 

[itsover14]

bridge but i was too scared, actually not even scared i just idk, i froze there, ig, and walked away

I think literally standing on the edge must be one of the most difficult ways to CTB, actually. Hope it wasn't too painful to do so :(

Been there once - just over five years ago. In my case, it was the feeling of 'what if it fails?' and of course the SI. it really is difficult.

Yes, I want to be guaranteed instant death on impact, you know? So there's that fear + worry about what I'll be thinking as I fall + worry about hitting something on the way down - it truly is a heinous thing to contemplate, this sort of method. But, what choice do we have :(

Hope things aren't too difficult for you right now

I understand how you feel :( it's so difficult af. The SI is hard to overcome. I'm still dealing with that myself and also guilt for my husband and those I will hurt. The bridge I was at was around 300+ feet. And an old woman driving stopped and picked me up She didn't leave until I got into her vehicle

Also, if you're jumping, please, please, please don't jump from a low height. O:

I read on Reddit recently this year that someone jumped, and ended up disabled with chronic pain. And they regret their decision because they jumped at height that wasn't that high saying their life is now worse before jumping. :(

Yes, I do wonder if the SI is worse for this method...? All methods will have that to a degree, but I do think if I could have something the doctors put together I'd be at least spared all the fear of pain etc.

And, no worries, if I go by jumping, it'll be a place 600-700', which is if anything perhaps a wee bit taller than I'd like. (Too much time to think! )

I have been to a few cliff edges but not with any immediate plan. Along with SN, jumping at height are my planned ways to go.

Excuse my ignorance, but never hears of the Cliffs of Moher. Impressive area and that is some height. I couldn't tell from images if there are any areas without water at the bottom. Even with a fatal height like that, the idea of jumping into water terrifies me.

I have a cliff edge lined up but it's now some distance from me. I've lost the ability to be a bit more impulsive. I have also thought about those few seconds of contemplation and how they could consume me with momentary regret. I, like you, also think that those few seconds can't be worse than the misery of existing.

Jumping onto well anything doesn't sound appealing to me tbh, but weirdly, I actually prefer the thought of jumping into water vs rocks from that height? Hitting water from such a height will be like hitting concrete, but I think one's remains will uh still look a bit better, if you know what I mean

But yes, just gonna hafta bite the bullet and suffer through the fear and uncertainty standing at the cliff's edge, if I can't get ahold of SN. Still beats continuing to suffer through everything else. Hope things aren't too bad for you

 

[CumbriaCTB]

I tried to jump from St. Bees Head twice. As I grew up in the eponymous village below, it was naturally the first idea that came into my head regarding jumping.

The first time was Christmas Day 2021. Obviously, I didn't jump. I think the rough weather spooked me - the Irish Sea gets really angry around wintertime.

The second was in May of 2022 about an hour after I got the sack from my work experience position for being mentally ill. It would'vd been quicker but, well, I had to cycle from Whitehaven through Mirehouse to Sandwith, which already required me to cycle uphill in red-hot May sun, and then push my bicycle up the cliff - I can only go so fast! Given that I was absolutely exhausted, it was a clear day, and I saw a bunch of Dutch tourists (there's a sea-bird reservation up there), I decided to abort because I didn't want witnesses phoning the RNLI.

I cycled down the way I came, secretly hoping to slam straight into a tractor or a lorry but no luck, and called the Police on myself as soon as I had signal again; you can't really get sent to the psych ward, as an adult at least, for merely being suicidal here in the UK (although it is on the books) because the NHS only has the resources to keep the straight-jacket people detained. The coppers picked me up in Sandwith and took me home (they already knew the address because this was far from my first run-in with the Police lmao) and gave me a lecture before leaving me alone. Hell of day, I know....

I don't plan on jumping ever again. There's far too many different factors at-play and it seems to just end in drama - like any CTB attempt in a public place which is why throwing myself in front of one of the Sellafield buses is a no-no too. Full-suspension hanging is my current plan but if that stops being an option, for whatever reason, then I might just march myself up that childhood cliff of mine one last time...

 

[overmorrow]

I think literally standing on the edge must be one of the most difficult ways to CTB, actually. Hope it wasn't too painful to do so :(

ily sm pls take care of yourself you're so kind

 

[itsgone2]

Yes. Years ago stood for a while on a bridge clearly tall enough. Part of me wanted someone to stop and talk to me. No one did and eventually I just walked away. Your brain fears height so it seems impossible to override. Hanging is similar. At some point you have to step forward. I've been there too.

 

[Irisse]

Me in my past attempt. I walked at night to a 200ft tall bridge and tried to climb over the railings but failed to do so because my legs felt like lead. My biggest fear was the possible pain of hitting my head on rocks in the water.

 

[itsover14]

I tried to jump from St. Bees Head twice. As I grew up in the eponymous village below, it was naturally the first idea that came into my head regarding jumping.

The first time was Christmas Day 2021. Obviously, I didn't jump. I think the rough weather spooked me - the Irish Sea gets really angry around wintertime.

The second was in May of 2022 about an hour after I got the sack from my work experience position for being mentally ill. It would'vd been quicker but, well, I had to cycle from Whitehaven through Mirehouse to Sandwith, which already required me to cycle uphill in red-hot May sun, and then push my bicycle up the cliff - I can only go so fast! Given that I was absolutely exhausted, it was a clear day, and I saw a bunch of Dutch tourists (there's a sea-bird reservation up there), I decided to abort because I didn't want witnesses phoning the RNLI.

I cycled down the way I came, secretly hoping to slam straight into a tractor or a lorry but no luck, and called the Police on myself as soon as I had signal again; you can't really get sent to the psych ward, as an adult at least, for merely being suicidal here in the UK (although it is on the books) because the NHS only has the resources to keep the straight-jacket people detained. The coppers picked me up in Sandwith and took me home (they already knew the address because this was far from my first run-in with the Police lmao) and gave me a lecture before leaving me alone. Hell of day, I know....

I don't plan on jumping ever again. There's far too many different factors at-play and it seems to just end in drama - like any CTB attempt in a public place which is why throwing myself in front of one of the Sellafield buses is a no-no too. Full-suspension hanging is my current plan but if that stops being an option, for whatever reason, then I might just march myself up that childhood cliff of mine one last time...

Ah, yeah, it is just terrible, the thought of doing it in public!! In the privacy of one's home / room is ideal :( I will continue to try to research hanging but there's no way I could do full-suspension here, partial only which seems to have too many problems. Well, even for full-suspension, it seems to be so difficult to get the rope correctly placed :(

So I'm trying to find some companies that'll send SN to the UK, though it's quite difficult as I'm sure you know. Plus there's the faff of getting all the other things eg the A-Es :(

Jumping is terrifying, but simple. And going out on a rainy day to the Cliffs of Moher, perhaps not too many people around? Just terrified of actually standing there and battling the SI again :( But, well, let's just say I have plenty of 'sad' material to ruminate on, if you know what I mean.

Hope you're feeling okay at the moment, and you don't have to resort to those lovely cliffs near you

 

[itsover14]

ily sm pls take care of yourself you're so kind

Thank you very much indeed I am wishing the very best for you, and hope even one thing goes your way this week

Me in my past attempt. I walked at night to a 200ft tall bridge and tried to climb over the railings but failed to do so because my legs felt like lead. My biggest fear was the possible pain of hitting my head on rocks in the water.

I can relate to that fear of pain, sadly :( It's terrible what we're reduced to, isn't it, standing around in such situations :( I hope you're nowhere near to being there again anytime soon

Yes. Years ago stood for a while on a bridge clearly tall enough. Part of me wanted someone to stop and talk to me. No one did and eventually I just walked away. Your brain fears height so it seems impossible to override. Hanging is similar. At some point you have to step forward. I've been there too.

Is it just me or is the SI extra strong for hanging and jumping? (which are the two options I'll probably default to - and very soon) Still, glad you didn't do it, and hope you don't feel the urge to do so again anytime soon

 

[AntsInARow]

the first time I felt actively suicidal in was when I was standing on the edge of some bridge as a kid, I got too scared to move though

 

[Jello Biafra]

I think people who are able to overcome SI in a situation like this just reach the point of saying "fuck it", gritting their teeth, and going for it.

I know I wouldn't be able to do it.

 

[NoHorizon]

I went to Beachy Head a few years ago - stood at the edge of the highest point but looking down didn't appear to be a straight drop so I panicked and sat down. Then a tourist walked up, stood right next to me and took a selfie of them at the edge before walking off. After a bit I gave up and did the walk of shame back to the train station.

Looking back, I'm not sure if even if it was a straight drop I'd have jumped - as I was walking up the cliff it just look SO high (which is the point so a bit of a stupid thought, but it made it much scarier than I was expecting). In my head I feel like it would be easy to jump but when you actually get there it's terrifying, I don't know how anybody manages it. I'd love to go that way though.

 

[trashisland]

only once. I stood on a sort of high overpass and thought about it but I was more hesitant about the height than jumping. I dont really like heights so when I felt nervous and unsure it was just because of the height strangely enough, not the actual thought of jumping and it being over. I didn't think id die at that height and I got a little nervous picturing myself at any bigger of a height, and I didn't think id be able to do it at all

 

[lainduster]

I did a lot of research years ago about jumping from a great height, if I recall correctly: since there's a microsecond delay between between what we see and experience, if you jump from a tall enough height, you may not even feel anything on impact.

That might have been specific for if you just reach terminal velocity (I think 1500'); this was over a decade ago I researched this.

Well, I did go and find a cliff, but though it was quite high, it wasn't a sheer cliff face. There were some tree tops maybe 100' below and I was terrified of hitting them and feeling a lot of pain. (And then, I suppose, hitting the ground next and rolling down for hundreds of feet.)

So obviously I chickened out. But, things have truly reached an impasse. And you know, in that 10+, I've done a lot of treatment, medications etc etc. I wonder if I could do it again; I'm considering the Cliffs of Moher which are certainly impressive cliffs.

However, though most people would consider the height (over 700' at its tallest) to be a selling point, well I've been bungy jumping from quite a tall height. And what surprised me the most was how much time I had to think as I fell. So, obviously don't like the thought of that.

And yet and yet and yet. That's what this is all about, getting to the point where even those last seconds of discomfort are acceptable rather than the endless days of my existence. Dealing with things I can't deal with anymore. Well I guess we'll see, I have to make a choice soon. If SN/hanging can't be arranged to my satisfaction, I guess there's just that one option left. I'm at least grateful to be relatively near such ideal cliffs for jumping.

Tried jumping a while ago but I just froze, I couldnt move my body and I had to lay down on the ground after some time. The height wasn't exactly sufficient so I'm kind of glad i didn't but it was a very weird experience. I stepped with one foot outwards and just could not for the life of me move the other foot over the railing, it was like it was glued to the ground. After a while I just got back, laid on the super dirty ground and then went home. I'm sure if I just try harder I could 100% do it but I'm not sure if jumping is for me anymore.

 

[itsover14]

the first time I felt actively suicidal in was when I was standing on the edge of some bridge as a kid, I got too scared to move though

It is incredibly scary, sorry you had such an impulse though at such a young age :(

I think people who are able to overcome SI in a situation like this just reach the point of saying "fuck it", gritting their teeth, and going for it.

I know I wouldn't be able to do it.

Yes that's what I figure too. Things can certainly get bad enough to overcome any SI I reckon. If my other methods don't pan out, we'll see if I'm able to just grit my teeth and make the jump in the very near future. It's scary, but. Can't go on like this anymore I'm afraid.

I went to Beachy Head a few years ago - stood at the edge of the highest point but looking down didn't appear to be a straight drop so I panicked and sat down. Then a tourist walked up, stood right next to me and took a selfie of them at the edge before walking off. After a bit I gave up and did the walk of shame back to the train station.

Looking back, I'm not sure if even if it was a straight drop I'd have jumped - as I was walking up the cliff it just look SO high (which is the point so a bit of a stupid thought, but it made it much scarier than I was expecting). In my head I feel like it would be easy to jump but when you actually get there it's terrifying, I don't know how anybody manages it. I'd love to go that way though.

Not being a straight drop - see that's a major source of fear for me, hitting something on the way down. But some cliffs in Ireland look like they'll do, so...? My preferred way would be N or possibly inert gas if I could get everything setup properly (which I don't have good confidence in myself to do so, too many parts). I kinda feel like I'll have to choose the cliffs though, there's certainly enough misery in my life, so hopefully enough to just use a moment of utter depression to you know actually jump :( Hope you're doing okay though, sorry you're suffering too :(

only once. I stood on a sort of high overpass and thought about it but I was more hesitant about the height than jumping. I dont really like heights so when I felt nervous and unsure it was just because of the height strangely enough, not the actual thought of jumping and it being over. I didn't think id die at that height and I got a little nervous picturing myself at any bigger of a height, and I didn't think id be able to do it at all

I guess I'm lucky to be rather good with heights? I just fear hitting something on the way down, and also not instantly dying :( Sorry you've been reduced to consider these things, hope you can do something fun this week

Tried jumping a while ago but I just froze, I couldnt move my body and I had to lay down on the ground after some time. The height wasn't exactly sufficient so I'm kind of glad i didn't but it was a very weird experience. I stepped with one foot outwards and just could not for the life of me move the other foot over the railing, it was like it was glued to the ground. After a while I just got back, laid on the super dirty ground and then went home. I'm sure if I just try harder I could 100% do it but I'm not sure if jumping is for me anymore.

I completely understand that paralysis I'm afraid :( I can only hope that I can focus on the emotional pain enough to overcome that SI. Sorry you're here and suffering, I hope you don't need to go to an edge again ever again

 

[popping_candy]

I made an open house appointment with a tall apartment building in the city that I know had balconies. When the date arrived, I imagined trying to climb over the railing and let go and realized I couldn't actually go through with it, so I didn't go. I guess you get to a certain point of realness and you either have the will or you don't.

I still get emails from them inviting me to another open house, which feels like they're trying to get me to change my mind and CTB lol.

 

[Hangman.]

Yes, I have done multiple times this when I was a kid. But backed down because of the anxiety that the height of the building was not enough for my peaceful death.

 

[VoidButterfly]

I have been to the edge of a cliff so many times. I started just standing near the edge, then walking up to the edge and sitting down, eventually I'd spend hours sat with my legs dangling over the edge, I'd go up at night and practice running up to the edge and stopping. Just everything but doing it. Until one day I went over. It took a lot of building up to it.

 

[crocodile man]

I stood on the top of a skyscraper once many years ago but couldn't make myself jump. Wish I had since my life has gotten a lot worse since then.

 

[kopebaldy]

Back in college, my dorm room was on the 7th floor.

There wasn't a sing day went by without me thinking of throwing myself out of the window, which I definitely should have because life only got worse since.

 

[Defenestration]

Flat in 60 m

 

[whyyyyyyyy]

And yet and yet and yet. That's what this is all about, getting to the point where even those last seconds of discomfort are acceptable rather than the endless days of my existence.

This bit is really poignant to me. We get stuck suffering for days, months, years on end, toiling endlessly, tiresomely, pointlessly. And yet we are afraid of the no more than even a minute of discomfort that will end it all and stop it going on endlessly. It's a clear tradeoff. But somehow we still struggle to make that jump, because attachment to life and fear of death are very strong. It's something I've talked about in my own posts, like 'why am I fighting so hard, with no hope, living this whole life, for no reason, instead of just ending it'. This is place where we deal with that question, and you put it well here