Before my autoimmune disease i loved myself. I liked my confidence , the way I could talk to people, the way I looked. I was an extremely good writer and could talk to anyone. Brain fog has taken me over and now I can hardly even form a sentence. I'm failing this semester and I lost my job. I was always good at every job I had. Now I am nothing. I can't even talk to my friends I have no personality. I'm a fucking weirdo I can't even talk to a cashier. I don't know who I'm looking at when I look in the mirror. I don't feel real. All I do is live in the past. I know I'm insane and there's nothing I can do about it I'm trapped in this body that is not mine. I was wondering if anyone could relate. I miss being normal. I'm a disgusting disappointment. I can't wait to be at peace and not have to listen to my thoughts. Drop method ideas for someone who is scared.
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sserafim
they say it’s darkest of all before the dawn
- Sep 13, 2023
- 8,033
I never had any will to live because I don't fit in due to Asperger's. I don't see the point of living in a world not built or meant for me
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Yes I lost everything, not only did I lose the will to live, but I'm going to be killing myself out of necessity. Difficult to explain, but true. I can't endure it anymore. I was the same as you, successful attractive all of it, doesn't matter anymore, all that matters now is killing myself. It's all I can do because I can't be cured or fixed or healed. there's nothing I can do. I had to accept it and what I have to do. Few will understand. A lot of people can get pretty bad but I've crossed into horrifying territory. And I can't let this continue. I'm sorry your experiencing bad things too.
I would message you but you don't have enough posts on the community yet to receive and send private messages. You need at least 20.
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Yes. I'm devastated about it. Everything was wonderful because I had worked so hard to get out of the hole. Then I just got kicked right back in. This life is a joke. I truly wish I had never been born.
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Yes, I have a chronic pain and chronic fatigue medical condition. Had it the last ten years. Had hope it would get better but only got worse and worse through the years. That's why I'm CTB. It's heartbreaking to have hope for recovery and never getting it. The sudden realization the rest of my life will be like this. That's when I decided I wanted to CTB.
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locked*n*loaded
Archangel
- Apr 15, 2022
- 5,734
An autoimmune disease? Are you taking meds for it? I have an autoimmune disease and the meds I took for it made me feel "not myself" and "medicated", if that makes any sense. I went off the meds for a long 15 year period of time for that reason, but for other reasons, too. I managed my illness in "other" ways, but still had some effects from it. Recently, I went back to a doctor in order to restart medicinal treatment but only because I felt that I just didn't have quite "enough" left in me to finish out some final tasks before I ctb. I think my AI disease is probably lesser than what you're dealing with, so I could get away with not treating it medicinally. But, I do remember how the medicines used to make me feel, and how they are again, that I just don't feel like myself. If you're on meds, it may be the meds to blame. I'm not telling you to stop taking them, as I'm no doctor, just throwing a possible reason out there.
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divinemistress36
Enlightened
- Jan 1, 2024
- 1,833
I hear Lupus is really hard to deal with I'm sorry you are going through this
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