I've been troubled since the age of 16 and the reason I've held on so long is because I tried to make the best of life. Though I am married with 3 girls and accomplished a lot, there's still emptiness inside. I believe there's no meaningful purpose for me living. It feels like I am only existing and I want to be free completely and CTB seems like the only way.
Darkover
Angelic
- Jul 29, 2021
- 4,739
life's just the worst thing that ever happened to me sooner never exist at all than be alive here
stuckinfiction
frothy frog
- Sep 28, 2023
- 13
Everyday I feel the same way as you do. I get told that I'm strong because I've held on for so long, but I don't want to be strong if it involves me feeling numb and empty every single day. I'm so tired
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 38,945
Absolutely, existence certainly was never for me, I'm only meant to eternally not exist rather than existing in this horrific world filled with endless harm and suffering. Simply just being conscious and aware is undesirable and tiring to me, I know that I will always prefer the peace of non-existence under all circumstances.
Thanks so much for replying. I'm so tired of the " You're strong" comments.
S like suicide
Enlightened
- Apr 29, 2021
- 1,447
I feel I am unable at living:( i feel I am not like everybody else,i have difficulties at living like others do.
Lost Magic
Illuminated
- May 5, 2020
- 3,159
Well, I don't have any dependents (anymore) so I feel as if I am free to leave whenever I want. And yes, I never felt like I belonged anywhere. However, don't you feel like life is worth staying around for your family? I know it would give me an incentive to try to keep going, but it's your life. Best wishes to you!
crunchycuticles
Member
- Oct 5, 2023
- 6
Yeah I completely understand how you feel, I wish i wasn't born at all since my parents didn't want me in the first place.
stilhavinightmares
Warlock
- Oct 13, 2022
- 735
100%. Even when I feel okay I know deep down I shouldn't be here, and I know I will die by suicide. It's the only thing that makes sense to me, down to my core.
sserafim
brighter than the sun, that’s just me
- Sep 13, 2023
- 9,013
Yeah I'm neurodivergent and I feel like I was never meant to live in this world in the first place. I also feel like I'm only existing. I only held on because I'm too scared of the risk of failing an attempt. I will make sure to ctb before I reach 25 though. That's the definite exit point I've set for myself
Literally
Yeah ikr, it's like I know I'm destined to die this way. I always knew that I would die young and by suicide
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MiMif
I do not live for others to understand me...
- Sep 13, 2023
- 588
Everyday..
I once heard a quote that people live to love each other. I don't think I really love anyone and no one actually knows the real me the only people who I think love me dont really love me. They love me out of obligation even my parents have said my personality sucks...my mom said if I wasn't her daughter she would hate me.
I have no real connection with anyone so there is no real.point of existing all of my relationships are fake and I am forced to put on a performance whenever conversing with others. I hate it
I once heard a quote that people live to love each other. I don't think I really love anyone and no one actually knows the real me the only people who I think love me dont really love me. They love me out of obligation even my parents have said my personality sucks...my mom said if I wasn't her daughter she would hate me.
I have no real connection with anyone so there is no real.point of existing all of my relationships are fake and I am forced to put on a performance whenever conversing with others. I hate it
sserafim
brighter than the sun, that’s just me
- Sep 13, 2023
- 9,013
I don't think that people live to love each other. I don't love anyone either and I don't care if anyone loves me or not. Love is overrated. There's also nothing to like or love about people anyways. People suck. I'm aroace so this is just coming from my perspective but I never understood the big deal about love.
MiMif
I do not live for others to understand me...
- Sep 13, 2023
- 588
Then may I ask what you think the purpose of living is. I'm genuinely curious cause I haven't come up with one
sserafim
brighter than the sun, that’s just me
- Sep 13, 2023
- 9,013
MiMif
I do not live for others to understand me...
- Sep 13, 2023
- 588
I mean we can think that but some people genuinely enjoy and honor living...so I'm not sure...maybe there is a point that I just wasn't born to see
LaVieEnRose
Angelic
- Jul 23, 2022
- 4,253
It's not a matter of feeling so....I know so. There is no fucking way someone with the number and kind of problems I have is supposed to be here lmao.
sserafim
brighter than the sun, that’s just me
- Sep 13, 2023
- 9,013
I think those people are just doing what makes them happy and are finding their meaning of life. I honestly don't think there's a reason, point to, or meaning to life in general. I think that you create your own meaning in life.
I don't necessarily feel like I shouldn't have been born, I more feel like I have messed up my life beyond all repair. It feels like a game I have already lost, but the game keeps going. There is no chance I can win now so it's time to just quit.
Iamtired
Experienced
- Sep 30, 2023
- 210
Isn't world creation some form of meaning, then? I can't take that away from people, but love isn't enough to sustain human beings for long. I would never say that i can't have genuine connection though, that's someone who's severely emotionally detached/ASD and im on the opposite spectrum,so life is a different kind of pain.
sserafim
brighter than the sun, that’s just me
- Sep 13, 2023
- 9,013
Yeah life is a game I already lost by being born cursed with neurodivergence. I had to play the game on hard mode when everyone else played on easy mode.
Jan1193
I want no limitations for my soul
- Sep 18, 2023
- 55
I feel you, bro. The people never tell me something, but I know that I'm not their cup of tea. I'll never have my mother's charisma in first place, she really was a nice person, and I am a disgusting human being. I know when they talk behind my back
Some days algo I had a crisis with a simply trought: I'm not supossed to have a name, I'm not supossed to being here. I ALWAYS hated my name, and every time I choose one diferent, a days later I found myself sick and bored of that name. It's like in the inside, since I was a child I knew it, that I'm not supossed to be alive. My existance caused so many suffering for my mother, even when she said that she was so happy with me and my brother. Knowing my father was a calamity in first place for her. My existance feels like out of the natural order
sserafim
brighter than the sun, that’s just me
- Sep 13, 2023
- 9,013
Wdym by "world creation"? I think I'm the kind of person you're talking about (severely emotionally detached/ASD and not able to have genuine connection) but that's not a reason why I want to ctb…I don't like people anyways and I don't want to connect with them. It's more like I'm forced to talk to and interact with them eventually to survive in society (cuz we all have to work for a living unfortunately, and society depends on social interaction so we all have to engage in it). My reasons for ctb are more due to other factors like capitalism and having to work for a living and having to participate in society.
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I don't know anymore if there was ever a time where I felt like I was supposed to be living. For a while I was convinced it was just my mental illness, but even being diagnosed now, I don't really believe it's that. I just, never should have made it to any place of existence. It's so
